113: Powerful Communication, Influence and Presence with Laurie Burton

Robert Plank: Laurie Burton is an internationally recognized innovator and author who has helped thousands of people improve their ability to communicate effectively, thereby creating more success in business and in life. She is the author of Presenting You, and her techniques generate dramatic results in an amazingly short time, from one-on-one coaching, to seminars, and corporate groups, promoting the use of each individual's unique passion, energy, and animation. She encourages attendees to her workshops to be comfortable with themselves, creating more effective opportunities to lead, inspire, express, convince, and sell. That sounds like a great list. Welcome to the show, Laurie.

Laurie Burton: Oh my goodness, what a list!

Robert Plank: What a big promise to live up to!

Laurie Burton: Really!

Robert Plank: I'm really glad that you're here and that we're on the show. I'm really glad that we're on this topic because I'm sure you've come across people like this, but I'm not normally a very good speaker, communicator. I don't like dealing with people. I'd rather they just kind of leave me alone. Over time, I've realized that if I don't have these skills, I would be held back, so over time I've kind of forced myself- maybe not forced, but just kind of practiced and learned to be this better person, even though it doesn't come naturally. Does that make sense?

Laurie Burton: Oh, it's a perfect example of how so many people feel the same way, Robert. It's amazing, and that's what I'm here to do, is to encourage people and ask them to go out there and risk a little failure, but a lot of success. You've got to take chances in life.

Robert Plank: It makes a lot more sense to do it that way, and a lot more fun than just sitting at home wondering, "What if?" Right?

Laurie Burton: Yes! "What if," and being alone, shy and perhaps withdrawn, not a part of a group that you'd like to be a member of, being confident enough to speak for yourself, and stand up and say your name with confidence.

Robert Plank: Would you say that a lot of what you do, or the difference you make, is it mostly that confidence thing? What specifically separates you from everyone else out there who does something similar?

Laurie Burton: I talk a lot about you've got to have, number 1, energy. Where does our energetic core lie? How does it look? When we talk to people, when we present something, when we give a speech, where does that energy lie? Your energy speaks first before you've ever said a word. People are reading your energy level. That's what draws people in. That's really what is captivating. That's a part of charisma, so you've got to be aware of your energy and how it looks to others. We can practice it. I encourage folks to practice it in the mirror, this energy. Just look at that energy and freeze it. If it looks kind of boring and dull, bring it up and out and towards the mirror and hit that mirror with your energy. You know what I'm saying? It's so important.

Robert Plank: I kind of do. You're looking at yourself in the mirror. What exactly am I looking for? Is it like a posture?

Laurie Burton: Your whole body. Your whole body. It starts with your eyes. You can say your name. Say your name in the mirror. "Hi! I'm Laurie Burton!" Is there an energy that's projecting that out or is it, "Hi. I'm Laurie Burton." It's back. There is something I call the imaginary line. No matter where we are, even on a telephone conversation like we have now. I have to cross an imaginary line between you and me across the country, or I have to cross an imaginary line between my audience and myself. My job, as a speaker, is to project my energy out to that audience and keep them awake, keep them alive and energetic, and wanting to hear what I have to say.

Robert Plank: When someone does that, how do you keep the genuineness of it? How do you become this energetic person, but without coming across as fake?

Laurie Burton: You really have to practice your ability to project. I use an exercise called the "Yes" exercise. I have people do it in a small way, a medium way, and a big way, so that they get that feeling of saying, "Yes. Yes!" And then I can't say it on the phone. It's like somebody, your football team just made a touchdown, "YES!" People, the freak out a little because they're not used to expressing that big of emotion, but you've got to stretch that instrument. Your instrument is your body. We play this instrument every day with our face, our voice, our hands, everything. The body is a whole instrument. I like to think of it like that so that you've got to learn how to animate it. The meaning of the words have to be expressed through the emotions. If you say, "Hi! It's great to be here!" Not, "Hi, it's great to be here." You have to embody the meaning of the words.

Robert Plank: Who wants a sad stick-in-the-mud talking to them?

Laurie Burton: Right! Nowadays, have you ever noticed that people talk in question marks?

Robert Plank: Just really uncertain, right?

Laurie Burton: They'll say, "Hi, I'm Laurie Burton? I'm really glad to be here? I have some things I'd like to share with you?" Rather than, "Hi, I'm Laurie Burton. I'm so happy to be here." You hear the difference?

Robert Plank: Yeah, one is timid and the other is more assertive.

Laurie Burton: Yes, and owning who you are. Owning the ground you're standing on when you're presenting, owning saying your name, even if it's over the phone or at a presentation. It's taking that moment and making it your own. People are so afraid to take it over and own who they are and the ground they're standing on, and making that a part of them. It's what I call being comfortable in your own skin.

Robert Plank: Let's explore that. Tell me what I should do or say over the phone to experience this.

Laurie Burton: Your voice has a lot of energy in it.

Robert Plank: Yeah.

Laurie Burton: Yeah.

Robert Plank: That doesn't come naturally, but when I'm in speaker/phone/discussion mode, I'm like, "Okay." I turn that on.

Laurie Burton: Yeah, so do I.

Robert Plank: Cool, so we're alike there.

Laurie Burton: Yeah, you have to turn it on, turn it off. It becomes so a part of me, I can't speak for you, that it's the way I am when I'm out there, when I'm talking to people, when I'm in the spotlight so that it just goes on.

Robert Plank: What I'm asking is, you said you have your "Yes" exercise.

Laurie Burton: Yes.

Robert Plank: I'm fine doing it right now if you want.

Laurie Burton: Go ahead, please!

Robert Plank: Do you want me to do the small, medium, and big, and you want me to introduce myself, like say, "I'm Robert Plank," or something?

Laurie Burton: Yes!

Robert Plank: I start off saying it, when you say there's the small, is that just saying it normally?

Laurie Burton: Why don't you just do the yeses small, medium, and large?

Robert Plank: So I just say, "Yes," and that's it?

Laurie Burton: Let's start with your name though. Say your name and then say, "I'm going to do this 'Yes' exercise." Say your name and then say that. Then do the exercise.

Robert Plank: I say, "I'm Robert Plank," and then I say, "Yes," or what's the exact words?

Laurie Burton: Yeah, just say, "Yes. Yes! YE-" then the big one.

Robert Plank: Okay, so here's the small one. I'm Robert Plank. Yes. And then the medium. I'm Robert Plank. Yes! And the big one. I'm Robert Plank. YES! Is that kind of the idea?

Laurie Burton: Good. Good. How'd that feel? How did it feel?

Robert Plank: It felt like it let out some stress I think.

Laurie Burton: Yeah, it does that too but how did it feel in your body when you were doing it? Were you feeling embarrassed? Were you feeling really good about what you were doing?

Robert Plank: I felt maybe a little embarrassed, a little cheesy, and I had my hands in my fists and I was kind of pumping both fists. I didn't even realize it until I was doing it.

Laurie Burton: Yes! See, there's the secret. It's that there needs to be a connection in the words you speak and the gesture connected to it.

Robert Plank: You can't be some person slumped over in the chair talking super energetically. Something's not going to line up, I guess.

Laurie Burton: Right. It's what I call a split. Have you ever seen anybody talking in front of a group and their hands are in a fig leaf position. We all know what that is, I think, right?

Robert Plank: Yeah.

Laurie Burton: Protecting the important parts. That's the way people stand to just hold on, but it's not effective. They may be saying, "Hi everybody," but their hands are in front of their- in the fig leaf. "Hi everybody. It's nice to be here today." They're speaking pretty well, but their hands are in a fig leaf. That's a split between their neck and the rest of their body.

Robert Plank: I'm glad that you brought that up, the whole body language thing, because that was the kind of thing where I didn't think about it that much, even though- what do all the communications teachers say? Non-verbal communication is 90%, or something? I saw a picture of me a few years ago where I was on stage, and I was sitting at a panel. Everyone else sitting at the panel was almost like uptight, rigid, and nervous. I was leaned back, which I kind of liked. If you looked at the panel, I was the one relaxed person. What I didn't like, which I hadn't noticed until seeing a picture of myself, was I had both hands in my pockets. I looked it up later, and I guess subconsciously that means you're holding things back and not revealing enough, I guess.

Laurie Burton: It's like when we were kids, when we had a blankie that we held onto that made us feel good. Hands in our pockets are a way to hold on. Crossing your arms, the fig leaf with your hands, or behind, or any way that you hold on rather than just- Having your arms at your side is what I call neutral position. You work from there, but it feels terrible to people if they're so used, with the hands in their pocket. I have to train people to get used to that neutral position, and then you can move anywhere and gesture freely.

Robert Plank: It seems like we're starting to form kind of a cool, almost like a step-by-step process, right? It seems like at first people, maybe they're doing things that, or they're putting off things that are not good. It seems like the first step is to do your mirror exercise, your "Yes" exercise. Look at yourself in the mirror, see how you put yourself out there, see how you look and you feel. Then do that, you say your name and say, "Yes!" Small, medium, large. From there, you figure out the neutral position, right? You figure out where, if normally you have your hands or your arms in a weird kind of way, you just reset and get back to just the regular arms at your side thing.

Laurie Burton: Neutral, and then go from there. Yeah.

Robert Plank: Then, depending on what you want to express when you talk, now you figure out those new mannerisms, I guess.

Laurie Burton: The mannerisms, excuse me, are a result of the words you speak. You can't just say, "I'll gesture like this there," because it won't be connected to the words. If you say, I love-" both hands are in front of me right now. My fingers are out and I'm gesturing outward. I love- If you've ever seen great singers or performers, when they gesture, the words come through their fingers as they gesture out. That's the secret. There's a whole, it all connects.

Have you ever seen people that just gesture so much with their hands? They're constantly going, and they're not connected to anything. It's distracting. Lots of people do that.

Robert Plank: Oh yeah! All I remember, even 5 minutes later, is just the gesturing, none of what they actually said.

Laurie Burton: Right. Pacing is the leg version of the arms. They'll pace back and forth. Too much pacing. I want people to move, but I don't want them to pace. It's got to evolve. It comes from- the meaning comes out your mouth, through your eyes, and then your arms, your hands, and everything.

Robert Plank: I like that. It's one of those things where at first listen, it seems kind of hokey, but when I think back to when I was a kid and we would play baseball, and learn to hit a baseball. They'd always say, "Swing the bat, but don't just hit the ball and stop."

Laurie Burton: No.

Robert Plank: "Pull it all the way through and swing it through the ball." I never took Karate, but in Karate, you always hear, "Punch something, and punch through it," so kind of along those lines.

Laurie Burton: Perfect.

Robert Plank: You're talking about, yeah talk but then also move and not over-dramatically gesticulate randomly because you're nervous. Even though, when were talking or whatever, you and I are talking but we're also kind of moving around and gesturing, and that gets picked up back in the audio even though no one actually sees it.

Laurie Burton: Yes, it's a completion of the meaning, the things you're saying. It's an extension. Your arm is extended, and it keeps flowing into the audience, and then just goes, keeps going. It's like the sound of a bell. You can think of it that way. The bell rings, but it keeps going, and then it disappears.

Robert Plank: I like that. There's after effects.

Laurie Burton: Yes. Yes. People never think of their personalities, after effects, and the way they speak, but it really is. People who are really good, they leave you with an impression, and that's the after the bell rings.

Robert Plank: That's cool. That's kind of trippy.

Laurie Burton: Yeah, it is.

Robert Plank: Let's talk about you for a few minutes. We're talking about all these cool things about how to speak better, how to overcome all the little trip-ups everyone goes across. What is it exactly that you do? Do you help anyone? Do you help speakers?

Laurie Burton: Anyone. Anyone. People say, "Let's figure out who this applies to." A lot of it has been corporate work, but there's also been individual days, or 2 days, with an individual working on the way they present themselves. A CEO of a company perhaps, or somebody who's going to be making a speech and wants to work on how they look up there. "Tell me how I'm doing," kind of thing. We go through a whole day of breaking down everything from head-to-toe. A lot of people are hung up on parts of their body that they're not happy with, so they walk out on that stage. Let's just say for instance, a woman who's overweight. She's worried about how they're going to see her heaviness, so that colors her speech. She doesn't have the ultimate freedom to express herself because she's worried about her weight.

I cover all the way down, from head to toe, asking people to look in the mirror and tell me what they love about their face, what they don't like. If they say, "I don't like it," I'll say, "Well, are you willing to get a nose job?" They'll say, "No," then the question is, "Then let's make friends with it. Can you make friends with it? We've got to make friends with our heaviness, our weight, or our noses, or whatever it is, in order to make that great presentation.

Robert Plank: Would you say that when you're helping these people out, is there a certain percentage of, if you broke down all the little things that there were to be fixed in the average person's speech and delivery, would you say that most of the things that need to be fixed, are they real things or is the majority just things they need to just get over and forget about, basically?

Laurie Burton: A combination of both.

Robert Plank: Would you say, is it equal or is one more than the other?

Laurie Burton: I think a lot of it is skill and the ability to really express yourself in a positive way, and one that impacts people, inspires people. That's the most important thing, for me.

Robert Plank: Okay. You'll just, on a case-by-case basis, look at what jumps out at you, look at the low-hanging fruit and just correct all the things that need correcting.

Laurie Burton: Go in and work on them, and then ultimately, I've got to check on their body and how they feel about it, gotta check there. Got to, yeah.

Robert Plank: Cool. I always think about my own way of talking and the way that I normally talk, or even the way I talked as a kid. I would always just talk like, "blablablah," like a mile a minute, so fast that I would slur my words, repeat things like "like" because I'm in California.

Laurie Burton: Oh, you are in California.

Robert Plank: Yeah.

Laurie Burton: I messed that up.

Robert Plank: It's sunny and hot over here.

Laurie Burton: Oh yes. I'm in California too.

Robert Plank: Oh cool. We're neighbors then, basically.

Laurie Burton: Yes. Where are you?

Robert Plank: I'm over by Stockton Modesto.

Laurie Burton: Oh okay.

Robert Plank: Are you southern-

Laurie Burton: I'm in LA. Yeah.

Robert Plank: Everyone's always in LA. We're close enough.

I would always talk so dang fast, and trip over my words, say half a sentence, then go over and rock it in another sentence. Every time I talk, I have to remember. I keep thinking to myself, "Twenty percent slower than I normally would." That way, because I know my weakness is to go too fast. I just say, "Okay, even though, coming out of my own mouth, it feels to me like I'm talking too slowly, but then when I hear that later on, it sounds about just right." It seems like from everything you've been saying, look at yourself in the mirror, how you look at how someone else speaks. It's almost like the way that you think things are going out, or the way that you think you're presenting to the world is totally different than what everyone else sees.

Laurie Burton: Oh my, good. Yes. Absolutely. Good point. That speaking very quickly is a way to get off the spot. If I had people who come out, they take center stage, and as they're walking onto the stage or they're making a presentation, they'll say, "Hi I'm Laurie Burton I'm really glad to be here it's great to be here what fun we're going to have." They walk off, that very important moment of introduction. What usually causes fits is I have them walk across the stage looking at the audience and not saying a thing.

Robert Plank: Nice.

Laurie Burton: By that time, the audience is going, "What's going on with that person? They're not- what?" They take center stage and then they say, "Hello. I'm Laurie Burton. It's great to be here." You already got that audience going, "Hmmm." You've got to have the energy, though, too.

Robert Plank: It sounds like there's the energy part of it, but then there's the ownership part of it. It's almost like people seem to think, or maybe it seems like if you have a lot of energy, that means that you're super fast and rushed, but you can have a lot of energy and still have a slow enough pace, I guess.

Laurie Burton: Absolutely. Absolutely. The pace has to do more with just who you are and how you go about it, but it's also a support mechanism for your speech and for getting people interested and holding their interest. You're going to lose your audience half of the time anyway because people's minds just do that. They wander off. Then they come back. It's a part of the business.

Robert Plank: Right, but it's up to you to-

Laurie Burton: Pull them back.

Robert Plank: Yeah, pull them back and be entertaining enough where you know you're going to lose them half the time and they come back, but if you're super boring you'll lose them the whole time.

Laurie Burton: Oh yes! We've all seen those, haven't we?

Robert Plank: Right.

Laurie Burton: Yep. The current program we're working on is called Personality Workout. How many people do you know that might need a personality workout, Robert?

Robert Plank: Most of them.

Laurie Burton: See? I love those answers. I know. I agree, a lot of people could use a personality workout. It involves digging in there and finding those positive parts of your personality and bringing them to the surface.

Robert Plank: Sounds scary and painful.

Laurie Burton: You're not going to get through it without going through some, dumping some bad habits and realizing, it takes some depth. It really does.

Robert Plank: I noticed that with me. I keep mentioning, I'm not the best speaker. It doesn't come naturally, but if I get to the point where I feel almost over-confident about my skills and things or I go too long without going back to the fundamentals, then I end up backsliding a little bit, back to the person I don't want to be. It's almost like, not only is there the breaking down and building up, but I noticed, at least with me, I have to keep on keeping the muscles strong, right?

Laurie Burton: Yes, absolutely. You're constantly checking in. You have to check in with yourself and with the audience. It could be just one-on-one, but the person you're speaking with is your audience. You're talking to your boss, you're talking to somebody you're dating, or whatever it is, it's your job to express yourself honestly, with animation, energy, truthfulness, love, and all those good things come through you. All those positive, wonderful qualities.

Robert Plank: A lot of stuff to think about, and normally we'd think, "Oh, it's just talking. It's the most natural thing," but there's all these things that we're giving off, or not giving off, that we just have to look at ourselves a little bit and we can fix them.

As we're winding down today's call, Laurie, could you share with us, what's the number one mistake you see people making, as far as their speaking, their stage-presence, their body language? What's the mistake you see over and over again?

Laurie Burton: They want to get off the spot. They don't want to be recognized. They don't want that. Attention causes tension.

Robert Plank: I like that.

Laurie Burton: I do too. Lots of people don't love being on the spot.

Robert Plank: What's the solution?

Laurie Burton: Owning it. Taking, saying, "Okay. This is how it feels. I'm going to acknowledge the tension." There's lots of things. That's a whole other program there. It's acknowledging the tension, coming to terms with it, and then looking in that mirror. You've got to own that and know that you deserve these things that you're doing for yourself, and confidently take them in and try them on, and see how they fit.

Robert Plank: I like that analogy. That's cool. Try different things on. I also like that exercise that you- I keep thinking back to that. Actually, like you said earlier about how you told someone to walk on stage and just say nothing, just look around, and not quite size them up but just that dreaded dead silence, just let it out.

Laurie Burton: People, they can't stand it. You know why? Because they don't deserve it. They feel like, "I'm taking up their time." But I, me, Laurie Burton, I deserve that, and I take that.

Robert Plank: I love it. That's awesome.

Laurie Burton: Yeah.

Robert Plank: Laurie, you shared a lot of really great stuff today. I like everything you have to say, not only good advice but lots of little cool exercises that anyone can try out on their own, at home or anything like that. If they're at the point where they say, "Okay, I like what Laurie had to say. I want to hire her as a coach. I want to check out her blog and her books." Where can they go and find out more about you?

Laurie Burton: They can go to LaurieBurtonTraining.com. I also have my book there. It's on Amazon as well. It's called Presenting You.

Robert Plank: Awesome. Presenting You, LaurieBurtonTraining.com. Hopefully, it will become a number one best seller, selling 10 billion copies.

Laurie Burton: Yes. From your lips to God's ears.

Robert Plank: Awesome. Cool. I appreciate you Laurie. I appreciate this subject that might be painful for a lot of people, or might seem too simplistic, but it seems like everyone needs to be a better speaker, and everyone needs to know how to correct these things that might just kind of creep up, or might just be these nervous tics. If they do, they can deliver their message better, get a lot of attention better, have a better life in every area.

Laurie Burton: Yes. Absolutely. I appreciate your taking part today too and trying out some exercises. Very nice.

Robert Plank: Yeah, why just learn when it's more fun to participate, right?

Laurie Burton: Yes, yes! Thank you.

Robert Plank: Thank you Laurie for being on the show. Have a great one.

Laurie Burton: Okay. Thank you. You too. Bye bye.