1 00:00:00,420 --> 00:00:04,500 Robert Plank: Don't have a call. Hey, we are here with Maria 2 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:07,740 Warlow from Warlow consulting.com and we are going 3 00:00:07,740 --> 00:00:11,760 to be talking about how to overcome the bully cycle, how to 4 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:15,420 break out of it, how to get past the how to become your best self 5 00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:18,240 and get to where you need to go. Maria, glad to be talking to 6 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,620 you. Thank 7 00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:23,660 Maria Warlow: you. Thank you very much, Robert. Um, I'm 8 00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:27,680 trying to find out a way of actually correcting the bully 9 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:33,500 cycles in such a way that it'll stop for good. Um, my experience 10 00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:41,680 as just as a mother of two adult sons, and also my success, I 11 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,800 have a successful business as well. I run a very successful 12 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,400 retail business, but my experience is talking to a lot 13 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:53,320 of people. I've helped and talked a lot of people about 14 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:59,380 bullying. Lot of the mothers feel that they have no empathy 15 00:00:59,380 --> 00:01:04,860 as well from other people blaming mothers of the cycle of 16 00:01:04,860 --> 00:01:08,760 bullying. Of course, they blame it on the mother. And also, a 17 00:01:08,760 --> 00:01:12,420 lot of people might think this sounds a bit boring subject as 18 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:16,080 well, for most people don't think they have affected by 19 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:20,540 bullying, but how? How do you know that it won't come back to 20 00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:25,340 you and bite you when you are under stress, and might also 21 00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:29,780 cause come back and flood back anxiety, depression and 22 00:01:29,780 --> 00:01:33,800 aggression, especially with men, think they have handled it and 23 00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:39,680 think that if they over it, my experiences through this issue 24 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:45,040 is bullying. Is I being dominated, dominated and bullied 25 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:51,280 myself and my two boys. And talking to a lot of mothers, 26 00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:57,280 mothers, they say, need help and nowhere to go to get help, I 27 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:02,160 hope to stop bullying, not only your children life and your own 28 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:07,440 life, as well as an adult. Well, first thing i The causes of a 29 00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:13,560 bully cycle is, first is, I find that there's quite a few 30 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:21,560 different levels of steps, like in in in bullying, there's 31 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:27,320 physical, emotional, written, verbal, as well as sexual. To 32 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,440 me, the first thing is, is physical? I mean, a lot of 33 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:36,560 people think that physical doesn't, doesn't, doesn't affect 34 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:42,760 you in life, it does being continually physically hurt, 35 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:48,640 kicked, harassed, embarrassed, kicking, hitting, oh, that's and 36 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:54,160 you can have scars for life over your face as well, even asking 37 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:57,640 for money. Some people do that when they're being bullied 38 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:01,080 physically, they tack till you get money out of your pockets. 39 00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:07,260 Aggression stays with you, also through to adulthood and 40 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:12,660 physical bullying, grave affects victims trauma for the rest of 41 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:19,380 their lives. I especially experienced myself. I have a few 42 00:03:19,380 --> 00:03:24,200 stories myself, about myself, that I was shut down with verbal 43 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:30,740 once, just once. It took and I was silent for up to 22 until I 44 00:03:30,740 --> 00:03:36,860 was 22 and then all I realized it was that someone stopped me 45 00:03:36,860 --> 00:03:41,140 by saying one word. It's amazing how bullying can affect you 46 00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:46,900 mentally and verbally, verbally, who hasn't been called a name, 47 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:58,600 you know, stupid, stupid, no good for nothing. Psycho who 48 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:02,040 hasn't been called names that doesn't affect them. I remember 49 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:06,840 a guy telling me he went on holidays, came back wearing a 50 00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:11,700 pair of spectacles, and they called them four eyes. And he 51 00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:17,580 never recovered. It recovered from that till he was in his 52 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:22,700 50s. He realized actually, after I spoke to him a bit about what 53 00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:27,560 was the matter, what? What hold him back? He says, just he found 54 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:33,140 out by going to therapy over that four eye name caused him to 55 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:36,980 stop, to go ahead and with his life and divorce because he 56 00:04:36,980 --> 00:04:40,840 thought he wasn't good enough or good looking enough. Over a pair 57 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:48,220 of that just one sentence. It also affects even when you go to 58 00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:54,880 adulthood, I find that naming stays a lot longer than 59 00:04:56,560 --> 00:05:00,960 emotional comes fairly high up. But verbally. You seem to have 60 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:07,140 it in your head and never goes away. What I'm saying about 61 00:05:07,380 --> 00:05:13,080 adult bullying, it stays with you. People think that if you 62 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:19,080 handle it, it goes away, but it stays sometimes in your head, 63 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:24,800 and then one day comes back when you in the same kind of stress 64 00:05:25,460 --> 00:05:32,120 level, depression level, I find that adults think that that's 65 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:35,960 not nothing to do with bullying. So many times I speak to people. 66 00:05:36,260 --> 00:05:40,180 Every day, I've really talked to a lot of people saying, I don't 67 00:05:40,180 --> 00:05:43,000 know why I act like this. And then you talk back to them. They 68 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,600 say, I said, Have you ever been bullied? No, no, no, yes. She 69 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,760 Have you ever been bullied? And before they know it, they 70 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:53,620 actually come out with it. Say they were bullied and and then 71 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:57,520 just click. They just clicked. And they say, well, is that all 72 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,660 that time over something that happened years ago and it still 73 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:08,040 stays with them. What else? It's also sexual bullying. I mean, 74 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,600 lot of lot of boys tend to do that to girls, as far as I know. 75 00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:18,720 But I've had experience with girls doing to boys as well. I 76 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,160 actually stayed at school one day, and one of the one of the 77 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:26,180 boys, one of the girls, were picking on a boy in front of me, 78 00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:32,840 and I actually about sexual how ugly looked. He wouldn't be good 79 00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:36,920 in bed, and at a very young age, he was and I turned around, I 80 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:40,480 said, Oh, you must like him a heck of a lot. And she got 81 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,360 embarrassed by that, because she didn't like him. She just was 82 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:50,620 picking on him about his sexual life. Um, a sexual thinking, I 83 00:06:50,620 --> 00:06:57,940 mean, thinking of life, I should say, um, emotional level is very 84 00:06:57,940 --> 00:07:07,140 big as well. Emotional affects you feelings and understanding a 85 00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:16,560 lot about how you feel towards friends and and like, for 86 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:25,040 instance, you know, if you're pretty being picked on about how 87 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:28,280 you are, you are pretty. Sometimes it's sometimes, 88 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:34,220 sometimes it can cause you emotionals so much that you want 89 00:07:34,220 --> 00:07:38,660 to kill yourself over it. I know a girl was at school. She was 90 00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:42,280 watching, she was watching this girl being picked on because she 91 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:46,420 was pretty thin and thin, and the girl said, I want to kill 92 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:50,740 myself. And the girl said, why? She says, I just want to kill 93 00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:53,440 myself because everyone's picking on me on the way I look. 94 00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:57,880 She she wanted to go out and kill herself, only, only the 95 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:02,940 fact that girls outside heard her, they told the principal and 96 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:06,360 and told the mother, I said, would have went on forever, but 97 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:10,020 anything that hurts feelings is pretty serious. It damaged 98 00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:13,920 emotionally for life, emotionally bullying, blames 99 00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:19,560 themselves too and suffers a long life. Life effects cause a 100 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:24,320 lot of mental issues and we'll stay with them forever. What 101 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:31,460 else written? One cyber attack? I mean, you don't have to have 102 00:08:31,460 --> 00:08:34,700 cyber only computers and that and phones, but you can also 103 00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:42,460 have just written paper, sent in the classroom, sent up at work, 104 00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:45,220 if you were an adult as well, you can be bullied by just a 105 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:48,880 piece of paper saying, you know, good at your work, you're not 106 00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:52,120 good at school, you're not good for nothing. But there's a lot 107 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:56,200 of cyber attack. I'm in one boy at school, he was picked on 108 00:08:56,200 --> 00:09:01,680 because of his skin at school and called a name, and then they 109 00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:09,120 put that on on website, and they found that the boy found that 110 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:12,600 out, and he really went crazy over it, and nearly killed 111 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,680 himself over that, too. So cyber can really affect you, and 112 00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:20,900 written language, written messages, help a lot too. 113 00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:29,420 What else can I say? My opinion, though, I have experience, I've 114 00:09:29,420 --> 00:09:32,840 experienced a lot of people telling me that it used to be 115 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:37,940 14, and now I reckon it's about nine years old, that kids tend 116 00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:42,700 to feel the emotions and physical and all verbal, very 117 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:47,380 hard. And my opinion said to start earlier and earlier, the 118 00:09:47,380 --> 00:09:53,920 better, because I feel that, the magic word I always feel that is 119 00:09:54,400 --> 00:10:00,840 it is asking the kid, how's your day? And they say, bad. Add or 120 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,320 they don't say, nothing at all. Sometimes, if you use the word, 121 00:10:04,380 --> 00:10:09,720 I feel, how do you feel? Your day went sometimes they came out 122 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,560 better in an answer than if you say, Why do you feel like that? 123 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:18,360 And feeling can also the word. Feeling can also work as well as 124 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:23,360 for adults as well, if they're in a situation, any emotional 125 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:28,760 upset feeling. The word feeling is a big thing. I always feel 126 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:32,360 that the young, young kids, should start writing journals as 127 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:38,240 young as and journals doesn't mean just writing stickers. If 128 00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,260 they're unhappy, put them in books every day show that 129 00:10:41,260 --> 00:10:46,180 parents or show the teachers to have some some kind of verbal 130 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:52,300 communication a very young age, the younger, the better. I find 131 00:10:52,300 --> 00:11:01,020 that, also playing out bullying in class as a as a as an 132 00:11:01,020 --> 00:11:08,700 education thing, and stop even how to stop it with how to be 133 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:12,780 the, you know, say, Stop it really hard and strong in front 134 00:11:12,780 --> 00:11:17,820 of the kids so they learn how to say that. I find that a lot of 135 00:11:17,820 --> 00:11:23,000 this thing is very important as early as possible, because it 136 00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:26,480 even prevents bullying in kindergarten, because I've 137 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:30,140 already experienced that too. A little girl came in the 138 00:11:30,140 --> 00:11:35,720 classroom, came to the shop one day, and she was smiling. So the 139 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,620 smile was so big that I said, Oh, what a wonderful smile. I 140 00:11:39,620 --> 00:11:43,000 said to the mother, I said, pity that she I hope that God, that 141 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,680 she never gets bullied. And she said, Come to think of it, she 142 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:51,280 just got bullied the other day, and that smile hasn't came off 143 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:56,080 her face. And this is a three year old, not a five year old, 144 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:00,900 but a three year old. And she, she, she said, she said. She 145 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:04,440 said, What do you think I should do? I said, I I would go and get 146 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:09,060 some help, because that early, that strong, that smile was so 147 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:13,800 stiff, it didn't look real, and I felt sorry for her. And then 148 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:19,320 she said, You know what? Better than better? Better than better 149 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:25,400 to be what's the word? Better be safe than not sure. She said, 150 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:29,180 Okay, I'm going to take it to a therapist. And she actually 151 00:12:29,180 --> 00:12:33,980 contacted me. The girl did stop smiling so stiffly. It was 152 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:39,560 amazing. Just one session, it really helped her. What else 153 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:42,160 that's that's what I feel as early as possible is one of my 154 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:48,760 biggest passion is the fact that start early. What else can I 155 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:49,240 say? 156 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,620 The common conception about bullying is that they think that 157 00:13:04,620 --> 00:13:09,660 bullying is a part of childhood. Everyone thinks it's normal. It 158 00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:14,640 toughens you up. Perhaps the most stereotypical view is 159 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,660 bullying. Is the biggest bullying misconception. I think 160 00:13:18,660 --> 00:13:21,560 that this way, we can have serious consequences of both 161 00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:27,140 victims and bullies. Bullies should not be tolerated. Letting 162 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:30,740 the bully continue picking on others is reinforcement of their 163 00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:35,900 behavior, a sets up making poor choices, and rest of their 164 00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:42,460 lives. I know bullies suffers a lot. Bully suffered too, but not 165 00:13:42,460 --> 00:13:47,260 the same as a victim, but the bully does suffer something that 166 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,580 will carry within the rest of life, maybe not understanding 167 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:55,720 what they're doing. I know that bullying can affect anxiety, 168 00:13:55,780 --> 00:14:00,900 anxiety I had my two boys, anxiety, depression. Anxiety is 169 00:14:00,900 --> 00:14:04,620 a big thing for young kids. They get a very early and very, very 170 00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:10,980 early stage, as early as kindy, but it's, it's not really, 171 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:15,600 really noticeable till they get about eight to nine. Because of 172 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:20,900 experiences, what happens to them at kindy or school, they 173 00:14:20,900 --> 00:14:31,160 get bullied or or anxiety will come up, then many bullies are 174 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:35,900 very. Many bullies are very confident people, mostly not the 175 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:42,100 other out the other rate around confident bullies. They're 176 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:46,000 usually very smart and very confident, more so than we think 177 00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:52,480 that they are the other around. But was gonna say, I. 178 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:03,900 Blank, 179 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:15,000 Woolies, Woolies from boys, mainly, I usually show more 180 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:20,900 aggression than girls do. Girls tend to go emotional. They tend 181 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:28,160 to pick on with words and and words and spreading rumors. 182 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,700 Really, boys are the ones I'm worried more about, because they 183 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:35,960 go for physical and the aggression stays with them in a 184 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:43,660 lot I've I remember talking to a father about his son being 185 00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:47,320 bullied at school, so he the first thing he did, he went to 186 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:52,840 teach him Judo or something, to get to offend himself, you know, 187 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:57,640 to to help himself. But then I said to him, how is he nine? And 188 00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:03,060 I said to him, that might not be finished yet. Have you had some 189 00:16:03,060 --> 00:16:07,140 help from for him? He said, No, no. I had been bullied all my 190 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:10,380 life. I went every day still after cricket, and it didn't 191 00:16:10,380 --> 00:16:16,080 affect me. It took me half an hour to find out that it did. He 192 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:21,740 did finally say to me that he had experienced some moments of 193 00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:27,320 very strong aggression. And I said, Well, don't you think that 194 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,700 applies to your bullying all those years? And he took a few 195 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:35,900 minutes, and he said, Yeah, I realize now, but it took, oh, it 196 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:39,560 took ages to get him to see that. That's what I'm trying to 197 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:45,160 say. Men tend to keep violence and aggression as if it's part 198 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:51,040 of being a man or boy whatever, but facts of bullying can affect 199 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:56,380 the mind a lot more and mental other mental issues come up from 200 00:16:56,380 --> 00:17:03,060 it, mental issues like they can't handle anything like they 201 00:17:03,060 --> 00:17:06,420 want to. They can make friends as I like they want to. They 202 00:17:06,420 --> 00:17:09,780 don't socialize very well and maybe not even doing their work 203 00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:14,160 properly, because bullying can affect school work right up to 204 00:17:14,820 --> 00:17:19,260 even not even going to school, actually finishing not finishing 205 00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:22,580 school, because a lot of kids, I know that got bullied, didn't 206 00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:26,300 finish school, all get skilled at home because the parents 207 00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:30,620 couldn't deal with it. But it gets to a stage that bullying 208 00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:36,440 should not be taken lightly, because I reckon it stays with 209 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,920 them a lot longer than most people say it does, and 210 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:44,980 reluctant to some boys are reluctant to talk to their 211 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:51,100 parents about being bullied, because it's not a, it's a, not 212 00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:54,700 a masculine thing to do is to talk to parents about bullying, 213 00:17:54,700 --> 00:18:00,220 because bullying as quickly as possible can help The bullying 214 00:18:00,220 --> 00:18:04,440 to stop, but they send to boys tend to keep it a bit longer 215 00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:09,480 than girls. Usually you can hear girls more than boys, and boys 216 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:12,420 tend to keep everything, the information, to themselves. 217 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:21,620 I just think they should be trying as hard as possible, as 218 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:25,940 early as possible, to learn how to to fix this up, and the 219 00:18:25,940 --> 00:18:28,400 earlier we do that, they wouldn't have we wouldn't have 220 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:32,360 any violence or anything. I find that violence and aggression 221 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:36,680 might even come when you're adults and when you're not happy 222 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,360 with your marriage, and they'll come out or something that 223 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:45,160 doesn't make you feel comfortable or also make you 224 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:52,240 feel it brings back memories of the past. Victims usually lose 225 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:59,500 self esteem. They get they also get a little bit of trouble at 226 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:03,960 school, withdrawn from friends and activities, I found that my 227 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,640 son used to run upstairs in his bedroom and stay there for 228 00:19:08,640 --> 00:19:13,440 hours, not talking to anybody, and he used to be very 229 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:18,540 talkative. So I find that sometimes it's harder for 230 00:19:18,540 --> 00:19:21,920 victims to talk about things like that. That's why I'm really 231 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:26,000 passionate about that word. Feel, you know how you feel 232 00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:31,040 about what's happening to you, and it's a very big word. It's a 233 00:19:31,040 --> 00:19:40,840 big word to use when it comes to bullying. And they also, they 234 00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:46,480 also find hard to social and socialize and and depression 235 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:47,560 issues as well. 236 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:57,760 Also forget about just victim bullies, bits. They have a 237 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:03,360 problem too, because they can't. Really understand what they're 238 00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:09,900 doing. I feel that they I think that when one person bullies a 239 00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:16,440 victim, like a kid bullies a victim, a child and a friend, 240 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,040 whatever, say, 241 00:20:34,579 --> 00:20:45,699 Okay. I when they want to bully someone, they okay. I'm forgot 242 00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:54,279 what I was gonna say. The problems don't go away because 243 00:20:54,759 --> 00:20:57,459 they don't know how to speak about what, what they're 244 00:20:57,459 --> 00:20:59,919 thinking, what they're doing it, and usually they do it because 245 00:20:59,919 --> 00:21:04,439 of friends and because their friends are doing it, I remember 246 00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:08,939 one boy saying a bully, you go, when you're being bullied, you 247 00:21:08,939 --> 00:21:13,019 go, you want to go to the bullies because it helps you 248 00:21:13,019 --> 00:21:16,799 feel protected. And what happens when you're protected with 249 00:21:16,799 --> 00:21:21,799 bullies, you stay with them and you become one of them. What I 250 00:21:21,799 --> 00:21:27,559 mean is they tend to copy each other. They become more 251 00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:31,399 aggressive as they get older as well, because they they continue 252 00:21:31,399 --> 00:21:34,939 it. They don't they don't let it go. If it works at school, it 253 00:21:34,939 --> 00:21:41,799 works everybody, where it works everywhere else. I know that 254 00:21:44,019 --> 00:21:49,599 bullying people say domination is not dominate. They don't 255 00:21:49,599 --> 00:21:53,199 dominate, but they do dominate. I remember teacher telling me, 256 00:21:53,199 --> 00:21:56,199 oh, there's two different meanings of bullying and 257 00:21:56,199 --> 00:22:01,559 dominate, but it's very, very close. And to be to dominate 258 00:22:01,619 --> 00:22:06,479 that much that you cannot think or do what you want to do or you 259 00:22:06,479 --> 00:22:10,139 want to get out of it. You can run away, but not always have 260 00:22:10,379 --> 00:22:17,999 not always helps, you know you, I think they have to show kids 261 00:22:17,999 --> 00:22:28,759 how to how to say, Like for instance, show that when you're 262 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,080 saying now, 263 00:22:46,420 --> 00:22:51,100 bullies may never learn effectively to solve problems. 264 00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:56,260 When bully problems first arise, they they need a lot help. I 265 00:22:56,260 --> 00:23:03,300 feel that when mom gets a bully, the bullies someone should a 266 00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:09,420 victim should be both need some sort of therapy in both cases, 267 00:23:09,420 --> 00:23:13,980 that means that the bully, the victim gets bullied, they should 268 00:23:13,980 --> 00:23:18,600 have help, and the bully should have some therapy as well. They 269 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:26,000 seem to give the bully punishment, maybe suspension or 270 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:30,800 a little, I mean, once one kid said that they had to sign 271 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,400 before and after after each class, and if you forgot, you 272 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:38,660 have to start all over again. But that's not enough to teach a 273 00:23:38,660 --> 00:23:43,420 bully what he's doing. He needs to have therapy, which people 274 00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:47,860 tend to let that go and are poor, poor victim, but they're 275 00:23:47,860 --> 00:23:52,060 not helping the bully to understand what he's doing. They 276 00:23:52,060 --> 00:23:57,460 should have a conversation between each other why he's 277 00:23:57,460 --> 00:24:01,920 bullying him and vice versa, because it's very it's a very 278 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:08,280 education way of learning, even for the teacher and everybody 279 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:12,120 else about bullying, bullying should be done a therapy for 280 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:20,420 both, both levels. What do you do? Child's a victim. Will? You 281 00:24:20,420 --> 00:24:24,440 know, sometimes the worst nightmare is a parent finding 282 00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:30,500 out the kids are having, being bullied. It is one of the worst 283 00:24:30,500 --> 00:24:36,080 things ever, because you all you want to do is go there and get 284 00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:40,780 just go in there and hurt the person involved with it. I 285 00:24:40,780 --> 00:24:45,580 remember one case, my son was bullied for for quite a while, 286 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:50,020 and he hit back with a lunch box. Actually, I remember that 287 00:24:50,020 --> 00:24:56,080 right across the face. And I have I was sent to the school 288 00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:59,920 and and I sat there while the other parent went up the stairs. 289 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:06,780 To the classroom and he he was really angry. Was a very big 290 00:25:06,780 --> 00:25:10,740 man. He frightened the hell out of me. I sat there and sat 291 00:25:10,740 --> 00:25:14,160 there. I did tell the teacher that my son was bullied by these 292 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:20,040 three kids, but she said she didn't have enough time or 293 00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:26,180 ability to keep looking at where these boys were, so my son hit 294 00:25:26,180 --> 00:25:29,660 him across the face, and the father was angry says, Why did 295 00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:33,980 that Son, why did that boy hit my son? And the teacher did 296 00:25:33,980 --> 00:25:38,060 actually help me, for once that she actually said that the These 297 00:25:38,060 --> 00:25:42,400 boys were picking on him, so he actually attacked back. And I 298 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,400 saw the Father walking down the stairs, and the father hid him 299 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:50,380 behind the head and said, You're a stupid boy. And I never forget 300 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:54,280 that my son got suspended, but he didn't he didn't get 301 00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:58,360 anything. He didn't get anything. He was my son got 302 00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:02,400 suspended because he fought back, and nobody saw what the 303 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:06,000 other kid did, and I was wondering why they both didn't 304 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:10,740 get some help. Why did one get punishing? One doesn't and what 305 00:26:10,740 --> 00:26:14,520 I mean by punishment? I mean punish for the bully, but 306 00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:17,280 punishment in such a way that you should they should be 307 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:23,240 learning why they're being victimized. So if I know what 308 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:28,760 I'm talking about now, because victimization is a big thing for 309 00:26:29,180 --> 00:26:32,240 a kid that keeps being bullied non stop, and that's what 310 00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:37,220 bullying is. It's continually hitting, kicking and 311 00:26:37,220 --> 00:26:41,140 embarrassing and never stops. It's in your head. I mean, my 312 00:26:41,140 --> 00:26:46,480 son say, Why do I not help him? As a parent, all you want to do 313 00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:52,120 is go up the school and complain. But as as I talked to 314 00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:55,660 a lot of parents, some some parents that could be coming 315 00:26:55,660 --> 00:26:59,800 bullies themselves, they actually got the school and 316 00:26:59,860 --> 00:27:04,560 standing up for the kids become bullies themselves. They attack 317 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:08,340 the kids that that are involved. And sometimes it never settles 318 00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:12,720 by doing that, of course. But I remember one father went up the 319 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:17,880 went to the school. He told his son, no. The son told his father 320 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:22,580 that if you this kid hit you in the head, let it go once, twice, 321 00:27:22,580 --> 00:27:26,780 and then the third time, you tell the teacher. So he came 322 00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:30,080 home and he said to his father, I cannot handle a hit in the 323 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:35,540 head another time. He said, I want, I want you to do something 324 00:27:35,540 --> 00:27:38,240 for me. I want you to do something. And the father said, 325 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:41,920 What do you want me to do? He said, I if the teacher can't see 326 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:47,260 it, how can it be stopped? So the father was so frustrated. He 327 00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:50,920 walked to the class. He went in the class, and he says, Excuse 328 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:55,960 me, Mrs. Whatever it was, Mrs. Say Stevenson, he walked in, he 329 00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,380 said, Look, I want a few words with the classroom. And the 330 00:27:59,380 --> 00:28:01,860 teacher's teacher was overwhelmed. She couldn't she 331 00:28:01,860 --> 00:28:05,160 didn't know what he was going to say. He said, I just want to say 332 00:28:05,160 --> 00:28:09,780 a few words, nothing, really dramatic. He said, I I want to 333 00:28:10,980 --> 00:28:15,720 tell whoever is bullying my son to understand what you're doing 334 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,980 to my son. It might be your sister or your brother, what 335 00:28:19,980 --> 00:28:24,680 you're doing to my son? I want you to stop. Is that understood? 336 00:28:25,220 --> 00:28:28,940 So he walked out of the classroom, and the next day, the 337 00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:32,060 principal rang him up and told him to come up. He said, You're 338 00:28:32,060 --> 00:28:34,760 not allowed to do that ever, ever, ever, ever again. He said, 339 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,840 What do you want me to do? I told the school that my son was 340 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:43,540 getting hit. My son told the teacher he was getting hit, but 341 00:28:43,540 --> 00:28:51,580 was never, never seen or acted on. And so parents are getting 342 00:28:51,580 --> 00:28:55,000 very frustrated. They they're doing a lot more than most 343 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:58,240 people. I remember teacher telling you, have no idea how 344 00:28:58,300 --> 00:29:03,300 bullying have how parents push their way in to get some result 345 00:29:03,300 --> 00:29:04,200 from their kids. 346 00:29:10,319 --> 00:29:14,519 See they should never, ever take bullying lightly. Bullying is 347 00:29:14,519 --> 00:29:19,679 very severe, and it starts being physical in hitting and bashing 348 00:29:19,739 --> 00:29:24,499 and leaving marks and and it's starting to show. And the kids 349 00:29:24,499 --> 00:29:26,779 have been picked up, picked on even more 350 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:33,680 Robert Plank: so. So from what you've been saying here, is that 351 00:29:33,740 --> 00:29:36,620 we need to communicate more, right? That, 352 00:29:36,679 --> 00:29:40,039 Maria Warlow: yes, especially mothers. Mothers should come 353 00:29:40,039 --> 00:29:44,319 into a group to talk about it more. I think they're 354 00:29:44,319 --> 00:29:48,699 embarrassed more than anything else as a mother, because the 355 00:29:48,699 --> 00:29:55,419 first thing they blame is the mother. A mother, a mother is 356 00:29:55,419 --> 00:30:01,499 the one who disciplined the child. So. The father does too, 357 00:30:01,739 --> 00:30:04,499 but the mother does it more because she sees them more than 358 00:30:04,499 --> 00:30:08,339 they especially when they're younger, and the communication 359 00:30:08,339 --> 00:30:12,839 between mothers, they're so embarrassed by it, they don't 360 00:30:12,839 --> 00:30:18,119 talk about it, only someone that just on their last feather they 361 00:30:18,119 --> 00:30:22,279 can't handle anymore that they talk because I tell you, I get 362 00:30:22,279 --> 00:30:27,259 it without even asking. I just get out with what they want to 363 00:30:27,259 --> 00:30:32,839 say. They're that frustrated. And I always thought, see my 364 00:30:32,839 --> 00:30:36,379 kids went to school quite a few years ago, and I thought that 365 00:30:36,379 --> 00:30:40,419 was finished. I actually thought that was carrying on, but it's 366 00:30:40,419 --> 00:30:45,699 still carrying on, because every day I get least one mother she 367 00:30:45,699 --> 00:30:50,319 said, I'm in one at the hospital said to me, she says, I go to 368 00:30:50,319 --> 00:30:54,939 school. My son's a bully. The teacher blames me straight away. 369 00:30:55,179 --> 00:31:01,499 So what do you want me to do? I have no idea. No skills to stop 370 00:31:01,499 --> 00:31:05,579 him. I tried help, getting help. Oh, you get a lot of government 371 00:31:05,579 --> 00:31:10,979 help, but it does not always work, because they don't know 372 00:31:11,039 --> 00:31:15,119 the real a lot of the real things that happen at school. I 373 00:31:15,119 --> 00:31:18,719 know some things happen at home too. Bullying is very, a very 374 00:31:18,719 --> 00:31:23,359 big thing, even at home, in some cases, some parents expect a lot 375 00:31:23,359 --> 00:31:26,899 more from the kids, and they tend to bully them to get that 376 00:31:26,899 --> 00:31:34,279 far. But also parents, also they tend to think that, and only 377 00:31:34,279 --> 00:31:37,819 parents, I think it's a go and get what you want these days. I 378 00:31:37,819 --> 00:31:41,799 mean, look at the world at the moment. Just look at America, 379 00:31:41,799 --> 00:31:45,879 for instance, you can't say an opinion. You can't say you're 380 00:31:45,879 --> 00:31:52,239 wrong without getting yelled and bullied at to get to give in. I 381 00:31:52,239 --> 00:31:56,919 mean, why is the world going like that? If that is, what is 382 00:31:56,919 --> 00:32:00,719 that? What the kids are seeing, that's what this going to be in 383 00:32:00,719 --> 00:32:04,559 the world to next 2030, years worse, 384 00:32:05,579 --> 00:32:08,399 Robert Plank: like what you you've been saying, that the 385 00:32:08,399 --> 00:32:12,299 bullying has been working right, that it's easy to fall into the 386 00:32:12,299 --> 00:32:15,899 the pattern of aligning with the bully, or bullying, to get what 387 00:32:15,899 --> 00:32:18,779 you want, and when you're young, and you get this result, then 388 00:32:18,899 --> 00:32:24,259 it's easy for that to just continue on the next generation, 389 00:32:24,319 --> 00:32:25,519 everything. Yeah, 390 00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:29,420 Maria Warlow: and even the workplace. You know, even adults 391 00:32:29,420 --> 00:32:33,080 are finding that the bullying continues even there. And the 392 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,560 thing is, in school, there's a lot more chance of fixing it up 393 00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,660 than it is in a workplace. Workplace is hard because it's 394 00:32:40,660 --> 00:32:45,340 worse, it's more embarrassing, more you can't talk about it, 395 00:32:45,340 --> 00:32:48,580 because if you talk to some you might be lucky to get someone 396 00:32:48,580 --> 00:32:53,860 who goes on your side. But if I had a girlfriend just recently, 397 00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:57,940 just left her job because I told her to leave it, because I kept 398 00:32:57,940 --> 00:33:01,260 saying, oh, you know, you being bullied. And she said, No, not I 399 00:33:01,260 --> 00:33:04,920 said, she's saying you're not doing a good job. She's looking 400 00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:08,340 at your work. She's saying that you you don't spend enough time 401 00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:10,800 in your work. What? What does that mean? Are you not doing 402 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,940 your work? So yes, I am. And then I found she found out after 403 00:33:14,940 --> 00:33:18,600 that she didn't want her being in that job. So it's the same 404 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:23,360 thing in law, in schools as well skill if they don't like you for 405 00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:29,420 some reason, if you're even your religion the way you look. I 406 00:33:29,420 --> 00:33:36,680 remember a school I was I was chubby, and I still am a little 407 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,220 bit now, but I was chubby when I was at school, and I remember 408 00:33:40,220 --> 00:33:43,120 one guy saying to me, I would like you if you just lose some 409 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:50,620 weight and and then it carried on. He always said, Oh, if only 410 00:33:50,620 --> 00:33:55,780 if you lost weight, and that gets to your head, and that's 411 00:33:55,780 --> 00:33:59,860 when all the weight problems come in. I mean, mine was minor, 412 00:33:59,860 --> 00:34:03,660 but there's a lot of people that just saying that it's enough to 413 00:34:03,780 --> 00:34:07,740 cause other bulimia and all the other weight problems that girls 414 00:34:07,740 --> 00:34:13,380 go through. And girls do go by their body issues. They if they 415 00:34:13,380 --> 00:34:18,240 look awful, they are, but then it could be either awful or you 416 00:34:18,240 --> 00:34:23,480 can be too pretty. You can't win as a woman, as a girl, boys, is 417 00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:26,120 more physical. If you're not physical enough, you're not good 418 00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:31,100 for nothing, because you have to fight back. But I I just find 419 00:34:31,100 --> 00:34:35,780 that if it's not dealt with very early, it's not going to be 420 00:34:35,780 --> 00:34:39,380 fixed, it's it's going to continue, and it's going to get 421 00:34:39,380 --> 00:34:44,020 a lot worse. It's going to be I know suicidals There too these 422 00:34:44,020 --> 00:34:47,440 days, and they're starting younger and younger to kill 423 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:52,180 themselves over over this, over being bullied. And I know that 424 00:34:52,180 --> 00:34:55,540 few people that been bullied. I mean, there's been on the news 425 00:34:55,540 --> 00:34:59,920 quite a bit of little girl the bully. So much that on cyber. 426 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:05,160 She got bullied and she killed herself. I mean, what makes you 427 00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:10,320 go that far at a young age? And, you know, just wondering what 428 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,800 the thinking at that age that they couldn't live without with 429 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:19,260 that, and it's a very big thing, bullying is I just feel that 430 00:35:19,260 --> 00:35:26,840 bullying has to be stopped, stopped and and and treasured a 431 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,740 bit more. What I mean by that is looked into a lot more, and it's 432 00:35:30,740 --> 00:35:34,760 also causing mental issues and mental issues of other things as 433 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:40,240 well. People think that bullying is just bullying, but you could 434 00:35:40,240 --> 00:35:43,240 be just wondering all the violence the men do. For 435 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:46,780 instance. I'm not saying women don't do it, but men do it, and 436 00:35:46,780 --> 00:35:50,560 some women do it too. The ones are more tend to be bullies. 437 00:35:50,860 --> 00:35:57,700 Women can be bullies as well. I remember one child at school was 438 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:03,720 was bullying a boy just because she was bigger than him, and I 439 00:36:03,720 --> 00:36:08,520 was really, really, shockingly, had a little boy couldn't hack 440 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:11,820 that. As a boy, you just couldn't. He didn't understand 441 00:36:11,820 --> 00:36:16,500 why a girl was bossing him around. So girls can do as bad 442 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:22,880 as the girls are more emotional. They tend to be talking bad 443 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:27,320 about you more than physical, but they do do it. The boys are 444 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,440 the ones I'm worried at more, because there's more suicidal 445 00:36:30,980 --> 00:36:35,000 for boys than there is girls. And so 446 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,640 Robert Plank: you've mentioned that this whole bullying thing, 447 00:36:37,700 --> 00:36:41,200 it expresses itself in different ways, right? And you said 448 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:44,260 earlier on that there were kind of like these subcategories, 449 00:36:44,260 --> 00:36:47,800 like there's the that sexual and the physical and emotional, and 450 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:53,800 sometimes it, it kind of eats at you over time, and sometimes the 451 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,100 effects of bullying, it, it gets kind of maybe stuck in your 452 00:36:57,100 --> 00:37:00,600 head, and you end up with this kind of repeat behavior. So 453 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,320 we've said that it's important to be journaling these these 454 00:37:04,320 --> 00:37:07,500 thoughts, and you said that it's important to mention that I feel 455 00:37:07,620 --> 00:37:11,280 that way we can catch these problems early on. We can get to 456 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,820 the root of the problem. And that way we can, like with the 457 00:37:14,820 --> 00:37:18,240 in the case of children, they can take it to the school, take 458 00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:22,700 it to the parents, and try to deal with the big picture, deal 459 00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:26,420 with the parents and the victim and the bully and the bully's 460 00:37:26,420 --> 00:37:29,540 parents, so that way everyone communicates so that we avoid 461 00:37:29,780 --> 00:37:32,900 the all this lost time you're mentioning, where you get picked 462 00:37:32,900 --> 00:37:36,500 on for something early on, and it it holds you back in life, 463 00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:39,560 and then maybe even repeats itself. And maybe you are, you 464 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:44,020 are maybe unequipped to deal with the bully problems in the 465 00:37:44,020 --> 00:37:48,040 workplace later in adult life, and so there's a lot that you've 466 00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:51,340 given us to think about, and a lot of solutions. But as we 467 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:56,140 begin to wrap up wind down here, what would you say is, like the 468 00:37:56,140 --> 00:38:00,360 most helpful thing for you, if someone is dealing with bullying 469 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:04,920 at any age. What's something that we all need to be thinking 470 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,260 about, considering that we're missing these days? 471 00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:11,040 Maria Warlow: Actually, just recently, I just realized that 472 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:14,580 I've been bullied and dominated not before, so I'm pretty old 473 00:38:14,580 --> 00:38:21,020 now, and what helped me was looking into a mind, searching 474 00:38:21,020 --> 00:38:24,800 more, you know, searching what's triggering your mind that way, 475 00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:30,860 mindset, learning how your mind works. For instance, why do you 476 00:38:30,860 --> 00:38:35,420 feel like that have the negative and the positive, and why did 477 00:38:35,420 --> 00:38:40,160 you leave let that person do that to you? And the big 478 00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:46,060 question, because sometimes it's all, it's you, it's you that's 479 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:52,720 accepting the bully. And it's a very big step to really wake up 480 00:38:52,720 --> 00:38:56,740 to that one. And I'll tell you it takes, it takes a long time 481 00:38:56,740 --> 00:39:01,860 to wake up. If you don't start early, the later you leave it, 482 00:39:02,340 --> 00:39:05,940 the harder it comes. It doesn't come out that easily. I 483 00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:09,120 actually, when I it just came out one day when I was speaking 484 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:14,700 to somebody, just what, and I said, I never really clicked, 485 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,100 that that's what my problem was. And 486 00:39:18,179 --> 00:39:21,799 Robert Plank: that makes sense, because the longer you put up 487 00:39:21,799 --> 00:39:25,339 with that, the tougher it is to unlearn, and the longer you're 488 00:39:25,399 --> 00:39:28,579 in that kind of victimization, then you don't when you're not 489 00:39:28,579 --> 00:39:32,659 asking yourself, why you don't, you are not aware of all the 490 00:39:32,659 --> 00:39:36,259 options that you have to get out of a situation. And if you keep 491 00:39:36,259 --> 00:39:40,179 on letting it happen, and you're just letting it slide, then at a 492 00:39:40,179 --> 00:39:43,059 certain point you're making a decision to let it happen to 493 00:39:43,059 --> 00:39:43,839 you, right? 494 00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:47,380 Maria Warlow: Yeah. Well, as I said, since I've been doing a 495 00:39:47,380 --> 00:39:51,880 lot of mindset courses and that, it really woke me up to realize 496 00:39:52,180 --> 00:39:56,560 that if you, if you let it happen, right? You let it 497 00:39:56,560 --> 00:40:01,020 happen, even though it's you're victimized. You let it happen to 498 00:40:01,020 --> 00:40:06,600 you, unless you come to terms with it, it will stay there 499 00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:12,600 forever and will never budge. So What? What? It's such a relief 500 00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,980 when you realize it. It come, it lightens you up. It's just 501 00:40:16,980 --> 00:40:21,920 amazing how your mind is. It's a machine that we don't really 502 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:25,520 understand enough. As far as I'm concerned, and I think the 503 00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:30,500 government should really get into helping mental issues with 504 00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:35,900 this a lot more than that, that was solve a lot of other issues, 505 00:40:36,860 --> 00:40:43,000 I would say, even diabetic weight issues. What else they 506 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:48,700 could depression, all this. And I think it runs from the 507 00:40:48,700 --> 00:40:53,920 beginning that we don't deal with such a young age, how we 508 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:58,540 remember a lot of things when we're younger, and we can block 509 00:40:58,540 --> 00:41:03,060 it out, and we'll come back when, when we're about to do 510 00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:07,620 something, or something happens to us very you know, like 511 00:41:07,620 --> 00:41:11,940 something really, even someone dying, it might come back. You 512 00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:14,520 see, you can't handle this. And also you get anxiety, and you 513 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,760 don't know why you're so anxiety, depressed over it, 514 00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:21,620 okay, death, yes, but there's a lot of other little issues 515 00:41:21,620 --> 00:41:27,140 coming back from way back that it can I feel that young people, 516 00:41:28,460 --> 00:41:32,420 one time was 14 years old, you know, teenagers that that that, 517 00:41:32,720 --> 00:41:35,600 but they're starting early and earlier the young kids nowadays 518 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:40,480 with problems. It's not normal for eight year old to have 519 00:41:41,620 --> 00:41:45,160 problems in their minds, but they do. I mean, I've talked to 520 00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:49,780 so many parents, the only thing that parent fathers mainly tell 521 00:41:49,780 --> 00:41:53,980 the kids to fight back. But what happens when they fight back at 522 00:41:53,980 --> 00:41:58,420 school? They get suspended and they get expelled, especially 523 00:41:58,420 --> 00:42:02,280 boys, there's going to be a lot more kids, lot more boys, 524 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:07,020 getting spelled from school because they fight back. And I 525 00:42:07,020 --> 00:42:11,160 feel that. I mean, when I told the boy, said to me, Oh, Dad 526 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:13,740 taught me how to fight back. I said, but that's not going to 527 00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:18,300 help you at school. I said, might help you to maybe once it 528 00:42:18,300 --> 00:42:20,840 might help. But if he keeps coming, the bully kids coming 529 00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,720 back. What are you going to do? Then you're going to keep 530 00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:28,580 fighting? And the boy said, well, Daddy told me, so. I said, 531 00:42:28,580 --> 00:42:33,260 Yeah, I agree with it. If I have, I've done it myself. I did 532 00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:36,620 when I was at school. I got bullied by a tall girl. One day, 533 00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:39,980 she just came and punched me in the stomach for no reason, and I 534 00:42:39,980 --> 00:42:44,680 punched it back. But the fact is, that worked for me, but 535 00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:48,640 doesn't always work. If they can come back. 536 00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,160 Robert Plank: What happened? What happens if there's a group 537 00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:54,640 coming at you? Or what happens? And they usually enter someone 538 00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:55,300 else? 539 00:42:55,420 --> 00:42:58,000 Maria Warlow: Yeah, they usually stick in groups. When bullies, 540 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,560 they don't have one person, they can have up to 10 people. So you 541 00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:05,160 can have 10 people bullying you and one guy. How was that feel? 542 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:09,480 It would not feel very well. And groups are getting bigger, 543 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,380 Robert Plank: yeah, yeah. And because it's easier just to fall 544 00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:16,860 into that. And so, so what's the next step here? If, if you, if 545 00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:20,040 someone is watching or listening to our conversation today, and 546 00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:24,140 they say a lot of this clicks with me. They might say, I have 547 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,920 children who are being bullied, or maybe some of this baggage 548 00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,460 that was stuck in my head is now coming to the surface. What 549 00:43:31,460 --> 00:43:34,100 action would you like people to take? Did you would you like 550 00:43:34,100 --> 00:43:39,140 people to contact you? Or would you like people to go and, like, 551 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,360 get a specific like book or training course, or what action 552 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:46,240 would you like someone to take if they say this luck makes, 553 00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:49,480 makes this conversation makes a lot of sense to me. What's the 554 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:50,080 next 555 00:43:50,140 --> 00:43:54,700 Maria Warlow: to me? To me, I would like to get a community of 556 00:43:54,700 --> 00:43:59,860 women or mothers to speak together with me, and we can 557 00:43:59,860 --> 00:44:03,900 learn lot more. I know doctors can help and all that, but I 558 00:44:03,900 --> 00:44:07,920 think we need to be talking to mothers. I know that some 559 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:12,000 mothers are more protected than others, you know, but talking to 560 00:44:12,000 --> 00:44:17,700 me in a group, we might find out lot more things. And, you know, 561 00:44:17,700 --> 00:44:20,780 they reckon that'll help a lot of mothers. I think the mothers 562 00:44:20,780 --> 00:44:24,440 need talking a lot more. They need to communicate with 563 00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:29,480 somebody. And I don't think schools, I don't think doctors, 564 00:44:29,480 --> 00:44:34,040 because I don't think every mother feels that talking to a 565 00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:37,700 doctor, saying that you're not doing the right thing, or a 566 00:44:37,700 --> 00:44:41,440 teacher not doing the right is helping them either to help 567 00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:42,160 their child. 568 00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,020 Robert Plank: Okay, so, so start with the mothers and what is my 569 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:49,660 information? Or where do people I'm 570 00:44:50,380 --> 00:44:50,800 Unknown: bullying, 571 00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,440 Maria Warlow: bullying, bullying. Dot Warlock 572 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:02,100 consulting, 573 00:45:03,420 --> 00:45:05,100 Robert Plank: bullying, dot Warlow consulting.com 574 00:45:06,179 --> 00:45:06,899 Maria Warlow: yes, 575 00:45:07,140 --> 00:45:10,560 Robert Plank: I forgot. Okay, fantastic. And if you are a 576 00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:13,020 mother dealing with bullying, wanting to help out with 577 00:45:13,020 --> 00:45:16,080 bullying, and you want to join this community bullying, dot 578 00:45:16,080 --> 00:45:19,860 Warlow consulting.com and in these, these last final seconds 579 00:45:19,860 --> 00:45:22,880 here, Maria, is there anything you think that we left out, or 580 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,660 any final, lasting statement you'd like to say to us today? 581 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:34,760 Maria Warlow: I would say, do something as soon as you can, as 582 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:39,800 fast as you can. That means, if your child's getting bullied, I 583 00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:46,420 want, I think they need help as soon as possible. That means 584 00:45:46,420 --> 00:45:47,800 whatever age they are, I.