113: Powerful Communication, Influence and Presence with Laurie Burton
Laurie Burton talks to us today about becoming a better speaker and having a better presence so that you overcome the fear of failure and aversion to risk, and instead, be captivating and charismatic in your delivery.
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Download transcript (.txt)Robert Plank Show Episode 113 powerful communication, influence and presence with Laurie Burton. Hey everybody, and welcome back to the Robert Plank show we talk about making money. Today's guest is Laurie Burton. Laurie Burton is an internationally recognized innovator and author who has helped 1000s of people improve their ability to communicate effectively, thereby creating more success in business. And in life. She is the author of presenting you and her techniques generate dramatic results in an amazingly short time, from one on one coaching to seminars and corporate groups promoting the use of each individual's unique passion, energy and animation. She encourages attendees to her workshops to be comfortable with themselves, creating more effective opportunities to lead, inspire, express, convince and sell that sounds like a great list. Welcome to the show, Laurie?
Oh, my goodness, what a list.
Yeah, what a big promise to live up to
really.
So I mean, I'm really glad that that you're here, and that we're on the show. And we're really glad that we're on this topic, because I don't know if you I mean, I'm sure you come across people like this, but I'm, I'm not normally like a very good, like speaker communicator, I don't like dealing with people, I'd rather they just kind of leave me alone. And over time,
I've kind of had to, I've realized that, well, if I don't have these skills, I would be kind of held back over time, I've kind of forced myself or maybe not forced, but just kind of maybe practiced and learns to kind of be this better person, even though it doesn't come naturally. Does that make sense? Oh, it's a perfect example of how that serves so many people feel the same way. It Robert, it's, it's, it's amazing. And that's what I'm here to do is to encourage people and ask them to go out there and risk risk, a little of failure, but lots of success, but you got to take chances in life.
I mean, it makes a lot more sense makes a lot more sense to do it that way. And and I mean, a lot more fun than just sitting at home wondering what if, right?
What what Yes, what if and being alone and shy and perhaps withdrawn and not a part of a group that you'd like to be a member of and, and being confident enough to speak for yourself? and stand up and say your name with confidence?
So would you say that? That a lot of like what what you do or like the difference you make? Is it? Is it mostly that confidence thing? Or like what specifically separates you from everyone else out there? Who does something similar?
Well, I talk a lot about you got to have number one energy? And how does where does our energetic core lie? And how does it look? when we when we talk to people when we present something when we do give a speech? Where does that energy lie that your energy is the speaks first, before you've ever said a word, people are reading your energy level. So that's what draws people in, you know, that's really what kept is captivating. That's a two part of charisma, it's so you've got to be aware of your energy and how it looks to others. I mean, we can practice it. I encourage folks to practice it in the mirror, this energy, just look at that energy and bring it if it's, you know, freeze it if it looks kind of boring and dull. Bring it up and out and towards the mirror and then hit the hit that mirror with your energy. You know what I'm saying? It's so important.
I mean, I kind of do but I mean, when you're looking at you're looking at yourself in the mirror, like what exactly am I looking for? Is it like
your your posture or I mean your whole body, your whole body? It starts with your eyes, you can say your name, say to your name, your name in the mirror. Hi, I'm Laurie Burton. Is there? Is it an energy that's projecting that out? Or is it? Hi, I'm Laurie Burton, it's backbeat. There's, there's something I call the imaginary line no matter where we are. But even on a telephone conversation like we have now the I have to cross an imaginary line between you and me across the country. Or I have to cross an American imaginary line between my audience and myself. But my job as a speaker is to project my energy out to that audience and keep them awake and keep them alive and energetic and wanting to hear hear what I have to say. So
and so when when I do that like or when someone does that, like how do you how do you keep like the the genuineness of it, like how do you become like this like energetic person, but without coming across as fake?
We have to pray you really have to practice your ability to project I use an exercise called a yes exercise. And I have people do it like in a small weigh in a medium weigh in a big way. So that they get that feeling of saying yes, yes. And then I can't say it on the phone, or it's like somebody, your football team just made a touchdown? Yes. So that and people go, they freak out a little, because they're not used to expressing that big of emotion. But you got to stretch that instrument, your instrument is your body, we play this instrument, every day, with our face, our voice, our hands, everything, the body is a whole, it's a whole instrument. And that's how I like to think of it like that, so that you got to learn how to animate it. And and, and in the words have the meaning of the words have to be expressed. The through the emotions, if you say, if you say hi, it's great to be here. Not Hi, it's great to be here. You have to embody the meaning of the words.
Because who wants a sad stick in the mud talking to them? Right?
And And nowadays people are ever noticed that people talk in question marks
just really uncertain, right? Well, they'll
say, they'll say Hi, I'm Laurie Burton. I'm really glad to be here. And I have some things I'd like to share with you. Rather than Hi, I'm Laurie Burton. I'm so happy to be here. You see here the difference?
Yeah, one is timid. And the other is more assertive.
Yes. And owning who you are owning, owning the ground you're standing on when you're presenting, owning saying your name, even if it's over the phone. And or at a presentation, it's taking that moment and making it your own. But people are people are so afraid to, to take it over and own who they are and the ground they're standing on and making that a part of them. It's what I call being comfortable in your own skin. So
So I mean, let's let's kind of explore that. I mean, tell me tell me what I should, should do or say over the phone to kind of experience this.
So while your voice has some energy, a lot of energy in it.
Yeah, I'm yeah, that's doesn't come naturally. But when I'm in, in like speaker phone discussion mode, I'm like, okay, I turn that on.
Yeah. Well, so so do I.
Cool. So we're like there.
Yeah, you have to turn it on and turn it off. But it becomes so a part of me. And I don't I can't speak for you that it's, it's the way I am. When I'm out there when I'm talking to people when I'm when I'm in on in the spotlight. So that it's just there. It's the switch goes on. So and
so I mean, so what so what I'm asking is like, you know, he said you have your your Yes. Exercise. Yeah. So So what I would do I mean, I'm fine doing it right now, if you go Yeah, so please, you want me to like, have a small, medium and big and you want me to stick it myself? Like say I'm Robert Plank or something?
Yes. Okay.
So I saw I saw. So I started off saying it. So you say there's the small is that just saying it normally? Or
what's this used? Why don't you just do the yeses? For more small, medium and large. So I just say yes, and that's it. But let's start with your name though. Say your name. And then say I'm gonna do this Yes, exercise, say your name. And then say that, and then do the exercise.
So so alright, so I say I'm Robert Plank, and then I say yes. Or what's the
exact words you say? Yes. Yes. Then the big one.
Okay, so here's the small one. I'm Robert Plank. Yes. And then the medium arm Robert Plank. Yes. And they went iron Robert Plank. Yes. Is that? Good? How
does that feel? Did it feel? How did it feel?
It feel like it led out some stress, I think.
Yeah. Does that too. But how did it feel in your body? When you were doing it? were you feeling embarrassed? were you feeling really good about what you were doing?
I felt maybe maybe a little embarrassed, a little cheesy. And I was like, I had my hands in my fist. And I was like, some hold it like kind of pumping both fists. I didn't even realize it until I was doing it.
See, there's the secret is that must there needs to be a connection in the words you speak and the gesture connected to it.
So you can't just be some like person slumped over in the chair talking super energetically, something's not gonna line up,
I guess. Right? It's what I call a split. Have you ever, ever seen anybody talking in front of a group and their hands are at a fig leaf position? We all know what that is. I think right? Yeah. Oh, that protecting the important parts. But they that's the way people stand to to just hold on. But it's not effective. But there they may be saying hi everybody but their hands are in front of their in the fig leaf. Hi, everybody. It's nice to be here today. They're there. They're speaking pretty well but their hands are in a fig leaf. So that's a split between their neck and the rest of the Their body, because they're,
and I'm glad that you brought that up like the whole body language thing, because that was the kind of thing where like, I didn't, I didn't think about it that much, even though like, what do all the, the communications teachers say like the non verbal communication is like 90%, or something. So, I saw a picture of me a few years ago, where I was on stage, and I was sitting at a panel. And everyone else sitting at the panel was kind of like, kind of almost like uptight and rigid and nervous. And I was lean back, which I kind of liked. I was like, if you looked at the panel, I was like, the one relaxed person. But then what I didn't like, which I hadn't noticed, until seeing a picture of myself was, I had both hands in my pockets, and I looked it up later. And I guess it means that like, subconsciously, that means like, you're not you're like holding things back and not revealing enough, I
guess it's like, it's like, when we were kids, when when we had a blanket of a blankie that we held on to the made us feel good. Hands in our pockets, our way to hold on crossing your arms, the fig leaf with your hand or be behind or any way that you you hold on rather than just having your arms at your side is what I call a neutral position. And then you you work from there, but it feels terrible to people if they're so used with the hands in their pocket. So they have to train people to get used to that neutral position. And then you can move anywhere and gesture freely.
So it seems like we're starting to form kind of a cool almost like a, like a step by step process, right? Because I mean, the first it seems like at first people maybe they're they're doing things that are they're putting off things that are not good. So it seems like the first step is to do your your mirror, exercise your yes exercise. look yourself in the mirror, see how you put yourself out there, see how you look and you feel? And then do that you say your name and say yes, small, medium, large. And then it seems like there are and then from there, you figure out the neutral position, right? And you figure out where if normally you have your hands or your arms in a weird kind of way, you just reset and get back to just the regular army natural sights,
guys, and then go from there. And yeah,
depending on what you want to express when you talk, now you figure out those new mannerisms I guess
I get well, the mannerisms or, excuse me, are result of the words you speak. You can't just say I'll just you're like this there because it won't be connected to the words. If you say, I love now My hands are both hands are in front of me right now. My fingers are out. And I'm gesturing outward. I love if you ever seen great singers or performers, when they just hear the words come through their fingers. As they gesture out. That's the secret. There's a whole it all connects. Have you ever seen people that just gesture so much with their hands are constantly going and they're not connected to anything? it's distracting? Lots of people do that?
Oh, yeah, like and then all I remember, even five minutes later, is just the gesturing none of what they actually said,
right? And pacing is the is the leg version of the arms. They'll pace back and forth too much pacing. I want people to move, but I don't want them to pace. So it's got to evolve. It comes from the meaning comes out of your mouth, through your eyes, and then your arms, your hands and everything.
And I like that. And it's one of those things where I mean, at first listen, it seems kind of hokey. But I mean, I think back to like, when I was a kid, and we would like play baseball and learn to like, you know, hit a baseball and it always say, well swing the bat, but don't just hit the ball and stop like,
no,
pull it all the way through and like you know, swing it through the ball. And like I never took a I never took karate, but always in karate always hear like punch something and like, punch through it. So kind of along those lines. You're talking about things well, yeah, like talk, but then also like move and not not like over over dramatically just stimulate randomly because you're nervous, but have it all, even though even though like when we're talking whatever, like you and I are talking but we're also kind of moving around and gesturing. And that gets picked up back in the in the audio even though no one actually sees it.
Yes, it's a completion of the meaning the things you're saying. It's an extension, your arm is extended, and it keeps flowing into the audience and then just goes keeps going. It's like a sound of a bell. It's, you can think of it that way the bell rings, but it keeps going. And then it disappears.
I like that there's after effects.
Yes, yes. So people never think of their personalities and After Effects in the way they speak. But it really is. People who are really good. You know, you're they leave you with an impression and that's that after the bell rings
That's cool. That's, that's kind of trippy. So. So I mean, so let's talk about you for a few minutes. Because so I mean, we're talking about all these cool things about, you know how to how to speak better and how to overcome, like the all the little trip ups everyone goes across. So what is it exactly that you do? Like? Do you help anyone? Do you help speakers like Wunderland?
anyway? People say, well let's, let's figure out who this is applies to? Well, a lot of it has been corporate work, but a lot of there's also been individual, you know, days or two days with an individual working on there, the way they present themselves, a CEO of a company perhaps or somebody who's going to be making a speech and wants to work on how they look up there. And, you know, tell me how I'm doing kind of thing. And we go through a whole day of, you know, breaking down everything from head to toe. And working on, a lot of people are hung up on parts of their body that they they're not happy with. So they walk out on that stage, say, let's just say for instance, a woman who's overweight, she's worried about how they're going to see her heaviness. And so that colors her speech, she doesn't have the ultimate freedom to express herself, because she's worried about a weight. So I go, I cover from all the way down from head to toe, asking people to look in the mirror and tell me what they love about their face. What they don't like what they would, if they say I don't like it, I'll say, Well, are you willing to get a nose job? And they'll say, Well, I know now then the answer. The question is, then let's make friends with it. Can you make friends with it? Because they got to make friends with our heaviness or weight, or noses or whatever it is, in order to make that great presentation.
So would you say that when you're helping people out? Is there? Is there a certain like, percentage of I mean, let's, let's say if you broke down, like all the little things that there were to be fixed in some in the average person's, like speech and delivery, would you say that most of the things that need to be fixed? Are? Are they real things? Or are as the majority just think they need to just get over and forget about basically
a combination of both? But what do
you say? Is it equal? Or is one more than the other?
And?
Well, I think most of it, a lot of it is skill and the ability to to really express yourself in a in a positive way. And, and one that makes it impacts people inspires people. That's the most important thing. Okay, for me. Yeah.
And so so you'll just kind of on a case by case basis, just kind of like look at look at what jumps out at you look at the like the low hanging fruit and, and just kind of correct all the all the things that you correctly
go in and work on them. And then ultimately, you know, we I've got to check on their body and how they feel about it. Got it. Check there. Got to Yeah,
well, cool. And I mean, yeah, cuz I just I always think about like, my, my, like, my own way of talking and the way that I normally talk or even like, the way I talk to the kid was I would just talk like, like, a mile a minute, so fast that I would like slurring my words or repeat things like like, cuz I'm in California, and every
time you're in California, yeah, I messed that up.
It's nice, sunny and hot over here.
Yo, yes, I'm in California do Oh, cool.
We're neighbors then basis. Yes.
Where are you?
I'm over by Stockton, Modesto.
Okay. Are you in? La? I'm in LA.
Yeah, everyone's always always in LA. We're close enough. But yeah, but so I would always just like talk sauteing fast and drink over my words and say half of sense and then go over and rocket in another sentence. And every time I talk, I have to just kind of remember, I keep thinking I keep thinking to myself 20% slower than I normally would that way because I hope my weakness is to go too fast. And I just say okay, even though coming out of my own mouth, it feels to me like I'm talking too slowly. But then when I hear that later on, I it sounds about just right. So it seems like from your from everything you've been saying where you look at yourself in the mirror, how you look at how someone else speaks. It's almost like the way they that you think things are going out or the way that you think you're presenting to the world is totally different
than what everyone else is. Yes, absolutely. Good point and that speaking very quickly, is there a way to get off the spot? If I have people who come out and they take center stage and they they walk out as they're walking onto the stage or they're making a presentation, they'll say Hi, I'm Laurie Britton I'm really glad to be here. It's great to be here with fun. We're going to concerts, they walk off that Very important moment of introduction. And my and what usually makes them causes fits is I have a walk across the stage looking at the audience and not saying that thing. Nice. And they take by that time the audience is going, what's going on with that part? They're not what? And they take center stage. And then they say, Hello. I'm Laurie Burton. It's great to be here. So they the car, we got that audience going, huh, you know, and you got to have the energy though, too.
So and it's so it sounds like I mean, there's, there's like the energy part of it. But then there's like, the, like the ownership part of it. And it's almost like you people seem to think or maybe, it seems like, if you have a lot of energy, that means that you're super fast and rush, but you can have a lot of energy, and still have like a slow enough pace, I guess.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And the pace has to do more with just who you are and how you go about it. But it's also a part, it's a support magazine mechanism for your speech and for getting people interested in holding their interest. You're going to lose your audience half of the time anyway. Because my people's minds just do that. They wander off, then they come back. It's a part of them. It's a part of the business.
Right? And and but then it it's but it's up to you to I guess be pulling back Yeah, pull it back and be entertaining enough where like, you know, you're gonna awesome half the time they come back, but you're super boring losing the whole time.
Oh, yes. And we've all seen those, haven't we? Right? Yep. That's my the current thing. program that we're working on is called personality workout. How many people do you know that might need a personality workout? Robert,
most of them?
See.
I love those answers. I know, I agree. I a lot of people could use a personality workout. So it involves digging in there and finding those positive parts of your personality and bringing them to the surface.
All sounds scary and painful. Yeah,
well, you're not going to get through it without having going through some dumping some bad habits and realizing you got to look. Yeah, it takes some depth. It really does.
And I noticed that with me, like, I mean, like, like I keep mentioning, like, I'm not, I'm not the best speaker, it doesn't come naturally. But if I get to the point where I feel almost like overconfident about like my skills and things or I, I go too long without kind of going back to the fundamentals, then I end up back, sliding a little bit back to the person I don't want to be. So it's almost like not only is there the breaking down and building up, but I noticed at least with me, like I have to keep on keeping the muscles strong, right? Yes,
absolutely. And you're hearing constantly checking in at the check in with yourself and with the audience. And it could be just one on one. But that's you're the person you're speaking with as your audience and, and you're talking to your boss, you're talking to somebody you're dating or whatever it is. You're it's your it's your job to express yourself, honestly, and with animation and energy and truthfulness and love and all those good things come through you. All those positive, wonderful qualities.
I mean, a lot of stuff to think about. Normally we think, Oh, it's just talking, it's the most natural thing, but it's like, Okay, well, there's all these things that we're giving off, I guess or even not giving off that we just have to look at ourselves a little bit. And we can we can fix them. So as we're winding down today's call, Lori Could you share with us? Like, what's the number one mistake you see people making as far as their, their speaking their stage presence, their body language? I mean, what's the mistake you see over and over again?
Well, they want to get off the spot. They don't want to be recognized. They don't want that, you know, attention causes tension. Due to that they don't lots of people don't love being on the spot. So what's the solution? The owning it taking, saying, Okay, this is how it feels. I'm going to say acknowledge the tension and what are all there's lots of things that you know, that's a whole nother whole nother program there. But it's acknowledging the tension and coming to terms with it, and then saying to yourself, you know, looking in that mirror, and you got to own that and know that you deserve these things that you're doing for yourself, and confident confidently take them in and look and try them on and see how they fit. I like that analogy.
That's cool. Yeah, try different things on. Yeah. And I also like that exercise that you I keep thinking back to that I've actually just said earlier about how you went on are you hold someone to watch on stage and just kind of say nothing. And it's kind of look around, just kind of almost not quite size them up, but just kind of just that, that dreaded dead silence. Just let it happen.
They can't stand it. You know why? Because they don't deserve it. They feel like I'm taking up their time. But I am me, Laurie Burton. I deserve that. And I take that.
I love it. That's awesome. So yeah, so great. So I mean, Laura, you shared a lot of really great stuff today. I like everything you have to say me not only good advice, but lots of little exercises that anyone can try out, you know, on their own at home or anything like that. But if they're at the point where they they say, Okay, well, I like what Laurie had to say, I want to hire her as a coach. I want to check out her blog and her books, where can they go and find out more about you.
They can go to Lori and Lori is la you are IE Lori Burton training.com. I also have my book there, and it's on Amazon as well. And it's called presenting you.
Awesome. So presenting you Lori Burton training calm? Yes. Hopefully it will become a number one bestseller. So yes, 10 billion copies.
Yes. From your lips to God's ears. Awesome.
Well, cool. Well, I mean, I appreciate you, Laurie. And I appreciate the subject that might be painful for a lot of people or might seem like too simplistic, but I mean, it seems like everyone needs to be a better speaker and everyone needs to know how to correct these things that might just kind of creep up or might just be like these nervous tics. And if they do, they can deliver their message better get a lot of attention better have a better life in every area.
Absolutely. And I appreciate your taking part in today. They do and trying out some exercises. Very nice. Yeah.
I mean, what why just learn when it's more fun to kind of participate, right?
Yes, yes. Thank you.
Well, thank you, Laurie, for being on the show and have a great one.
Okay. Thank you. You too. Bye.
Filed in: Archive 1: 2012-2016 • Interview • Podcast
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