801: Stop Self-Sabotage and Learn to Be Positive Again with Eric Carder

Robert Plank 0:02 Hey, we're here with Eric Carter from Eric Carter calm. And we're going to talk about overcoming your toxic mindset. So you can get out of your own way and stop self sabotaging and stop putting up those roadblocks for yourself, and really get to where you need to go and become the person that you need to be. So Eric, I'm glad to be talking to you. Nice to talk to you as well, Robert. And so as far as this topic, I know that you you're an expert on things like like leadership and motivation. But he said that lately, you have been focused and intrigued by this toxic mindset concept. So can you tell us like, what has been your thoughts, these last six or 12 months about the toxic mindset? And just how it applies to you?

Speaker 2 0:43 Yeah, absolutely. Well, definitely, for sure, for the last 18 months, you know, without saying goes without saying, We've been in a whirlwind, literally, of things that has never occurred in my lifetime. And, you know, one of the things that I think has happened is that people just just stopped learning how to, you know, self motivate themselves. A lot of people require or insist on somebody else, motivating them. But if you don't motivate yourself, it's kind of, you know, fruit towel for somebody else. To try to motivate you, you shouldn't rely on somebody else's motivation to motivate you know, what a toxic mindset comes in as is we are our own worst enemies, by far, our own worst enemies. So if we are our own worst enemies, it's it's a combination of ourselves, beating up on ourselves, as well as the you know, we feel the world is beating up on us, or they don't understand us. And so when you are, you know, that cliche of the mind, you know, your mindset, your truly your mindset is everything, because everything starts in your brain, whatever your outcomes want to be, or what you don't want to be is the you know, cumulative of what you think about the most. So if you feel or think that you're not a good person, or a good business owner, or you should have never started this business, or you should have never left your corporate job, it tends to just wear on you, and you just tend to not have any one that supports you, which is the number one person is yourself. And then everybody else have that.

Robert Plank 2:35 So that's a lot to think about. Just right off the jumping off point there that there's this, this negative self talk, right, that we all tell ourselves and, and kind of just like, like bad mouth and smack talk ourselves, and then also be having difficulty adapting to change like pandemic or whatever it is. And then also thinking that we need someone else to motivate us where we need to be the motivators ourselves. And people like you and me, you know, self employed business owners. That's been kind of the name of the game from day one. But there's a lot of your nine to fiver career type of people who have had to jump into this for the first time, right? Because up until now, maybe they were working in an office, maybe they didn't have someone there personally motivating them. But if they're at home behind a camera, there's no one really looking over their shoulder every minute of every day, they need to maybe tap into these sorts of new tools. And so do you have like a go to like method, technique tactic trick in order to get yourself motivated and free of self talk? Do you have something that maybe it's like an easy win? Or an easy starting point to getting ourselves motivated and productive?

Speaker 2 3:49 Yeah, absolutely, Robert. So with that we are. We are the future now of ourselves, and what decisions that we make today will impact or feed us, you know, today or tomorrow, a month from now a year from now, five years from now. And so what I've developed as a program where you, you know, you take good old, old school in debt cards, index cards, I know everybody has these vision boards, which is fine. But I think the old school index cards one, it helps you when you take something that you're thinking about, whether it's a goal or something that you want to do the old school yet we can type it on the keyboard, we can voice it into our phone, but you need to write it down. There's something about the cognisance of actually writing something that changes different than if you just voice speak it or if you type it on a computer, or maybe in school, particularly at my age, everything was written. We didn't have computers until I got in high school. So we had to write everything down. And so if you take in that time to write down your, your, your your goals, you take time to write down what you envision your best self as being because there's an old Zig Ziglar saying that you can't consistently do the things that you do. I know I'm probably butchering this, but I'm with that, as a matter of fact, I have it written, written down, I am so sorry. You can't, you cannot consistently perform in a manner that's inconsistent with the way that you see yourself. And that was so profound in in essence of you envision yourself as, whatever this, you don't may be a leader, speaker, coach, a business owner, famous tennis, a tennis player, whatever the case, it may be, but if you're not putting the things in place to actually make that happen, it will happen. So you're, you're saying one thing that you want to be, but your actions are two totally different things. So I found old school index cards of writing down your goals, writing down what you want to achieve, writing down what you're not happy with. And then having a solution to that problem. tends to work out over a period of time.

Robert Plank 6:13 Interesting. So the goals, the problem and the solution. And when you're explaining this, this idea of like your best self, what comes to mind is, whenever I mean, we're always heading towards destinations in life, right? whether whether it's you're driving across the country, or you're climbing a mountain, and it seems like it's like you have to continuously apply the the gasoline or the pressure to like, keep yourself moving forward, right, you're running along and you see this stop sign weigh in the distance, you're like, Well, I have to keep on telling myself to go keep on telling myself to go. And at any point, if I gave up or change my mind, like I 100% be guaranteed to not get there. And so that's what's and so when we're talking about, you know, our goals, and in our business, or like work or something like that, it's like some of these are like weeks long, or months long or year long goals. And when you're explaining this concept of like your best self, and your actions need to match up with your best self, that's what comes to mind is that you might have that that same goal that's way off in the distance. And we're just keep on it day by day, getting ourselves a little bit closer, but like keeping that that focus on sticking to it right and and on doing some of these. I don't know if the term is silly, but just like these these like tried and true methods of like you said, like, put it on an index card, write it down, do it by hand, do it the way that it worked back in school, because that seems to be what I don't like slows down your mind or what gets you there. So I like this a lot. This is making a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 7:46 Yeah, absolutely. And I kind of like the quick analogy that you've made about, like I run, I run a lot. And I know the destination that I'm going in my head. But when I start out running, I do small markers. I don't look at Okay, if I'm running from here to the McDonald's in a McDonald's I noticed five miles away, I make little markers that keep me motivated. Because if I'm thinking going from where I'm standing to McDonald's is five miles. That's a long way. But if I think okay, I'm run to the closest. One, Walgreens, I know that's half a mile away. And it keeps me motivated and motivated. It's kind of like, celebrating small wins, is what I call it. So instead of thinking about from the end goal, I make a little markers in between that when I reach that point, it's like a little win for me. And then the next marker is a win for me. So when you relate that to business and life, don't think you have to do everything all at once, dude, little small wins and markers to get you from point A to point B, as cliche as that is,

Robert Plank 9:03 but it's a cliche, but it's true. So I like that a lot. Just that the whole idea of that, like the milestones, the markers. And what I'm hearing from you also is that there's an order of importance involved, right? Like you're aware of the McDonald's all the way five miles away at the end of the finish line. So that's still in your head but you're not really focusing dwelling on that what's what's more of a focus is the the the Walgreens thing that's half a mile away. And so it's like there's a few things to juggle and we're aware of that and goal, but then the current hard work, the focus is on getting to that next step. And so as this relates and applies to to you and your business, have you had, have you like had something like this happen in your own like personal like business or like your kind of work activities where you said, Well, I have this goal, but it's so huge. It's so far away. I have to like keep keeping in mind, but also focus on these easy wins anything come to mind as far as something recently where there was the big hairy goal, but also the easy win that you were more short term headed towards?

Speaker 2 10:12 Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, then, sure, you can test it as being a entrepreneur, most entrepreneurs are visionaries. And so they have these big hairy things that they want to create and build and problem solve for the people. And it's great. But and I call that the 30,000 square foot view, but breaking it down into smaller increments for so for me, I had this vision of bringing, like service based businesses, you know, your plumbers, electricians, your power washing people, you know, all these different businesses under one umbrella where a consumer can go and just find other consumers who naturally and not by paid, can recommend these different businesses. And so I worked on putting together this this very large directory, and it kind of scared me a little bit because I envisioned this huge monstrosity of a thing. But what I realized on what I broke down, Robert was just doing the simple things buying the domain name, getting hosting. So every one of those little steps as I broke it down, and I wrote it down, I achieved something every time. And so what it made it what it became is not this big elephant, with you know, that saying, you know how to eat an elephant or frog one bite at a time. That's what I did. And I start celebrating those little milestones. And so it helped me go from seeing this, this big picture of how I can bring consumers and businesses together to just do on the small little steps to just even build that. And that helped me a lot. Because I wasn't then overwhelmed by this, this huge, you know, big monstrosity. I just broke it down into little, little bitty, you know, actionable steps.

Robert Plank 12:07 And I think that we can all relate to that, that being over by having a goal and a vision so huge that you get overwhelmed, and you're not even sure what the first step is. And so you're you're saying, like, take any step or take a few steps where you get those small wins. And then I imagined that when you take those first few steps, you get excited about it, because like you see it start to come together, and then it motivates you to continue on and to take more steps.

Speaker 2 12:34 Absolutely. Absolutely. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Robert Plank 12:40 And so as far as this, this project that you have with this directory, have you gotten stuck at any point because there's like we've said, like, there's like that there's the end goal, there's the starting point, but then that middle section, that's the real, that's the real rough part, right projects are fun to start fun to finish, but then sometimes you're in the thick of it. And you're just like, one wanting to give up not really seeing, like real solid results yet. But then still knowing that well, I can't give up now I've come too far. So can you can you relate to that? Or can you tell us about how that has been for you as far as being being stuck in the middle? and needing to find ways to keep going?

Speaker 2 13:17 Yes, absolutely. And I and I can sum that up very simply, it's understanding some things you are not meant to do by yourself. And I was doing everything by myself. So I was, you know, wearing, you know, all the hats of the visionary, you know, to the builder, you know, to the coder to the designer. And I realized that I was I was definitely my own worst enemy in that. And so I realized that I had to stop doing everything by myself, I needed to take a step back and trust and ask for help from others. And we as business owners, and entrepreneurs and just individuals, sometimes we are afraid to ask for help from other people. Because we feel that they you know, that they, they may cast judgment, they may, you know, laugh at us think it's funny, they may steal what we're doing. And, you know, those are just, you know, chances are things that you have to take so if you're relying on yourself to do everything, you're pretty much your own worst enemy and you're your own bad, the most worst employee you will ever have in life because you're doing everything yourself that you should not do that. Yeah. You cannot skilled and grow everything by yourself.

Robert Plank 14:36 And it seems like like what you're explaining here is that sometimes we get stuck and there's a there's a warning sign but it's it's something it's good that the warning sign happened right. Like how you said you do a lot of running I'm sure sometimes like your your ankle hurts or your pull a hamstring, maybe that is a sign to stop for a minute or like take a day off running so that way you can heal on likewise. If you You had this goal, if you had this deadline, if it's not happening, if you're hitting a wall, if you're not meeting that deadline, then that's not a reason to give up. But it's a sign to then go and figure out some other solution, in this case it is to to hire someone else. So that's what I'm getting from your answer here is that it's so many roadblocks are not reasons to turn around and go back. It's just that some other some other ingredient is required.

Speaker 2 15:26 Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. I call it the pivot, you have to be willing to pivot at any given second. Yeah, absolutely. And so if you understand that, versus just think I have to complete this, I have to complete this, I'm the only way that is going to get done. And you really doing yourself a disservice. And that

Robert Plank 15:46 and so and you're mentioning here that how important it is to get outside of your own head that you know the mindsets really important, but it's not. What's what you were thinking what you're doing. Sometimes you need those those extra people to help you. And I'm sure that you've come across other people with similar, like, difficulties right, other people get their own self sabotage mindset issue. So it is an interesting story come to mind, bear as far as someone else that you've helped get out of their own way.

Speaker 2 16:16 Yeah, absolutely. There was this, this couple, um, Brad and Chrissy, and they had a or what, no longer Yeah, they had passed, and they had a furniture store. And it was doing very well. But they were they were stuck at a point that they couldn't see any additional growth in their in a furniture store. And they were just thinking about closing it down selling it. And, you know, maybe going back to work in corporate America, well, I got introduced to them. And sometimes it takes someone else to see something that's really literally in front of your face. And so I just sit down with a couple and just, you know, talk to them got the story and where they envision when they started this furniture store where they were going. And so we were able to take a look at, you know, who their current clients were, how often they current clients would come back in which we come to find out, it was kind of almost like a one time sale. And so what we did is just kind of really looked at their, their database of people who are already buying from them and found a way to come back around and find other things that they could reach out to them and invite them back in to purchase additional furniture. So they went from just being stagnant to now seeing growth with just people who would have already spent money with them already, versus trying to figure out how to get new new clients every day. So it was it was a wonderful story. So they basically went from 1.2 million a year. And I was working with them off and on coaching them. And within five years, they were 4.5 million for furniture store, which is pretty certificate for a furniture store. I mean, they had more than one location. But yeah.

Robert Plank 18:08 And what's cool about that is that it's it seemed like, maybe they were stuck in their own thinking or they needed someone from the outside like you to provide more solutions. And it seems to be really easy in so many cases to just be to be stuck in saying Well, I don't even know what the questions I should be asking are right and and it seems and so many times but the answer is something that's that simple, but not simple in a way that should be discounted. It's simple that you've been missing it this whole time, right? Like this whole idea of go back to your customer list and figure out how to turn those into repeat customers. It's It's so simple that so many people just won't just will skip over that because it's too simple or just like you know, simple things like that, like, well, where where does your traffic come from? Or where do your customers usually come from? Or like what did you used to do that you stopped doing? And there's so many there's there's so many people that are just looking to do something new and different just because it's new and different. But it's like but you're you're giving up just the the solid tried and true thing that works. And from the outside looking in. It looks insane. It looks counterintuitive, but it's easy to get stuck in your in your own box and say, Well, what I did five years ago like that, that was old stuff. I'm doing something new. It's like Yeah, but what was you doing five years ago was working, maybe there's something to dusting off some old marketing technique or some old idea you had, and I regret bringing it to a fresh life. So that's pretty cool that you you had a new way of thinking and you even were kind of asking the questions that even they would not ask.

Speaker 2 19:48 Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. They were they were just in it and they couldn't see out that old saying they couldn't see the forest despite the trees is it's it's kind of like Like what it was they were just kind of going through the motions and I I brought excitement I brought things that again like they just had just kind of forgot about it's like being in a relationship, you you know you might be in a relationship or married for a lot of time. But you don't go out on dates on Fridays you don't make time for each other you know, you're you're working you're taking care of the kids, you're, you know, you're trying to build your your retirement nest egg, but you don't go and do the things that kind of brought you together when you first started dating and you need to do that. So

Robert Plank 20:38 right but the fundamentals that the things that it worked, they worked back then but then you let the day to day take over m&e You forgot things, and it's, it's a little bit scary to even think about, like, there were things that that we forgot that we used to do every day that have just fallen by the wayside just because because life happened. And so we've been mentioning some kind of like business ideas and strategy, some motivational things. Do you think? Is there something that is like unique to you, Eric? Or is there something that like you think you have more of a of a focus or a handle on then then maybe some of your peers?

Speaker 2 21:19 Yeah, that's absolutely, I think, two things. One, I'm, I'm very, very strategic and about the moves, or things that I do. So I'm very calculated, I think about what what I want to do, or what, what something that may solve a problem. And I find unique ways. And working with not only just for my own business, but working with other entrepreneurs, investors, co founders, CEOs, to help them really strategically map out, you know, from where they are, where they want to go. And what we need to put in place the building blocks to get to that next level. So instead of going from, you know, here to the end result, we just do small, incremental steps, just like you walk from your house, to your garage to your car, you have to take one step after the other and just kind of putting those in place in a very strategic about that, you know, show what's the best route, what's the most efficient route, what's the most least resistance to get from where you are to where you want to go.

Robert Plank 22:38 And what is your your big idea moving forward as far as the like your great ads at being motivated at thinking at setting goals, like you said, where there's where you are, and there's where you want to go, there's what you put in place to get there, what is on the horizon for you, what's the latest and greatest big fun project coming up?

Speaker 2 22:59 Okay, for the big fun project for for for me, is actually is actually getting into putting together using the latest technologies, this, you know, that's available, but building strategic systems on top of that, because you can have the best software or wiziwig. But if you don't have a system to actually make it work, it doesn't. And so I'm getting into systems that use the software to help companies acquire their ideal customer, client and patient. So getting into software development, and I spent the last year and a half now.

Robert Plank 23:42 Fantastic. And I can relate to that a lot in there, there's sometimes being like software that that almost does what you want, let's just get like 90% of the way there and using a second piece of software to get it done or maybe like a super powerful kind of software. But the important thing that you actually need is only like 10 or 15%. And so there's there's not just the tool, but there's also how to navigate the tool and how to use the tool and like you know things like like a customer relationship management system, like a CRM to track your customers, it can do all kinds of crazy things, but unless you have a good strategy, a good process, you're trained to use it use it in the right way than what is any of that matter. It's like if you're running and you have the best running shoes, but you're not in shape, or you don't have good form or you or you don't like you know train yourself properly to work yourself up to as far as strength than what what good are the best running shoes if you don't have those other things in place, including the like the self awareness and including the kind of ability to to adapt to the unexpected problems. obstacles, right like your feet might hurt, this road might be closed might be too cold, too hot, too tired when you're running. And the same thing with with business as some of the stories that you mentioned. Sometimes we get stuck sometimes. We need to Think our way out of things or find new ways to motivate ourselves. And so for people who want to find out more about you and who want to jump on the Eric Carter train and bandwagon they say, I like what he has to say. I like his motivational advice. I like the way that he can take something really complex and say, here's what you need to do easy wins a marketing strategy. How did they take the next step with you? How did they contact you reach out to you find out what you're all about?

Speaker 2 25:27 Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's just simple they just go to Eric Carter calm and that's actually Carter spelled ca r d are not car t e r, so they can go there. And they can book some time with with me just this, you know, simple web presence. And they can, you know, if what I've talked about has resonated with them are just interested in no more knowing more does it cost him anything to have basically coffee with Eric, and we can, you know, can talk and if we find out that we you know, we, you know, may want to pursue something further, then we'll take it from there.

Robert Plank 26:08 Fantastic. And that is e r i c, c a r d, e r.com. And if anyone is hesitating to to go there and book the appointment, like I think we can all relate right? Like it's like hesitating to go to the doctor or hesitating to go to the accountant. It's scary to examine your own problems. It's scary to just like, I don't know, like, make make some of this stuff more open and share it with someone else. So if someone is maybe a little bit afraid of going to Eric carter.com right now and booking that phone call with you. Do you have any advice to someone like that? Like, have you been in where they're at? Or if someone says, you know, that sounds great on Eric Carter calm and like kind of sharing some of my problems and getting some solutions. But I'm just a little bit hesitant. Do you have anything to say in response to that?

Speaker 2 26:58 Yeah, it's just a friendly conversation. It's just like, you know, you meet someone in the grocery store, and you're just having some, you know, great dialogue back and forth. I'm not trying to sell you anything. I'm not trying to beat you over the head is just having a conversation with someone that you know, that you just met and you just clicked and you just feel like, you know, maybe this person might could, you know, point me in a direction or they could assist me and if nothing comes out of it, you just had a great conversation with, you know, hopefully a new friend. And that's, that's

Robert Plank 27:35 fantastic. Well, Eric Carter comm is the place for that great conversation, maybe some new ideas maybe pushed in the right direction. And as we wrap up, wind down this conversation here, Eric, is there any lasting piece of advice you want to share with us?

Speaker 2 27:48 Yeah, absolutely. Stop doing everything yourself. Ask for help. Um, you know, it's okay. Not everyone will agree with the not everyone will, you know, Ruchi on but, you know, you can't do everything by yourself and you should seek others to help you whether it's myself, or you know, anyone. You know, don't don't go out alone. solitude is not the best thing in life and surely not in business.