258: End Destructive Money Habits and Regain Financial Control with Hilary Hendershott

Robert Plank 0:00 Robert plank Show episode 258 and destructive money habits and regained financial control with Hilary Hendershot. Hey everyone and welcome back to the Robert plank show. Our guest today is Hilary Hendershot and Hilary Hendershot is the CEO and founder of Hilary Hendershot, Wealth Management. And after nearly 15 years in the financial services industry, Hillary knew there was a gap in the marketplace, hundreds of 1000s of women eager to be making wise investment decisions, and a male dominated financial industry that simply wasn't meeting their needs. So Hilary, welcome to the show.

Hilary Hendershott 0:34 Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here.

Robert Plank 0:36 I'm happy that you're here. And so can you sort of tell us in your own words, who you are and what you do and what you're all about?

Hilary Hendershott 0:43 Absolutely. So my website says, I'm not your father's financial advisor. I came up into the traditional financial advisory business, I was brought into the business by my father and he had a very successful independent financial planning firm in, in San Jose, California. And, and I had my own, I actually had some pretty severe money problems. So I was a certified financial planner, and I had a bunch of credit card debt that I couldn't pay, like, I wouldn't even open the bills because I was such an overspend, or that I didn't have enough money to pay them. And this all came to kind of a head and I was able to turn that situation around, I paid off 10s of 1000s of dollars a debt, rebuilt my retirement savings and built what is now a seven figure business. And I said to myself, when I was when I was turning things around, and figuring out what was the core of the issue that had me having really good intentions, but really bad results. I said, I bet I can give this away I bet if I learn it for myself that I can share it with other people. And I'm specifically really moved to share money tools with women I'm really interested in furthering and impact furthering the success of women. That doesn't mean I exclude men I bought a third of my clients are men. So I I speak on this subject, I host a podcast called profit boss radio, and I do coaching as well as kind of that traditional financial advising, I build investment portfolios so that people can grow their wealth and compounded and and enjoy financial freedom get to financial freedom. So that's me kind of in a nutshell.

Robert Plank 2:21 Awesome. So lots of good stuff in there. And so, you know, you mentioned that, at first, or maybe, you know, years and years ago, you had this money problem that a lot of people have. And so, I mean, what do you think was the root of that problem? I mean, why were you back then having so many issues? And why do so many people that you deal with have sort of the same money issues happening over and over?

Hilary Hendershott 2:42 Yeah, we actually all have it, it's just that some of ours are worse than others. We all have. And I did a TEDx talk about this, I call it the money operating system. It's a particular belief, you could think of it as a superstition that got implanted in you when you were young. See, money is a very adult concept. And it's very hard for the young human brain to grapple with it. And people are basically crazy about money. So you're this little human being and you have these adults around you who are crazy about money, and they say something to you, like, there's never enough money or money doesn't grow on trees, or our money is the root of all evil, right? And you decide that's true. And then you spend the rest of your life manifesting it and you have a whole series of beliefs and superstitions and, and, and results and actual things that actually happen to you in your life that compound to entrench this deep seated belief. And so I talk with people about the limitations of their money operating system, it's sort of important to get to what is that? What does that first money experience of yours? Interestingly, for me, just to give you a sense of kind of how they get created, my mom was a really good saver. And she she was a hard worker, she but she worked at the hospital laboratory when I was young. And she had she didn't have a high income when I was little. And so we were always on a budget. She didn't want to give me lots of money to do things like buy brand name stuff and go to a friend's birthday parties. And so I decided there's never enough money. The truth is, there was plenty of money for everything I needed. Okay, but I decided there's never enough money. And then the the really frustrating part is that when you have a money operating system called there's never enough money, when money comes into your bank account, the only thing there is to do is get rid of it. So that's what explains things like lottery winners who go broke after winning hundreds of millions of dollars and NBA players who you know, exit the NBA financially destitute. It's really because we have these very broken money operating systems.

Robert Plank 4:56 Interesting. And so, I mean, I can totally relate to that in that, you know, I know people who it doesn't matter if they have, you know, 1000 bucks or they have 100,000 bucks, they'll find a way to spend it. And then me personally, like I have that. I don't know if you call like money anxiety, but it's like, there's never enough money in the bank account, I feel like, well, I feel like I tell myself, like, there's a certain number that it could be. And if it's at a certain number, then I'll finally be relaxed, and I won't have to check it. But then it's like, you know, you have more money, you have more taxes to pay, and then that number seems to increase and so, so like, so some people, so everyone, or a lot of people have this, like broken or limiting sort of money operating system, and some people just, you know, spend it all and I mean, what are your thoughts on sort of the the problem I have, I guess, where there's like that, that there's not enough money, but sort of in like an anxiety sort of sense.

Hilary Hendershott 5:46 Yeah. I mean, that's an that's your version of there's never enough money. And I mean, kudos to you for actually looking while I was talking for actually saying, Hey, let me look at what she's talking about in my own life. And that really is just a belief. I mean, listen to what you actually said, Oh, if you do make more money, you then you have to pay more taxes. So of course, there's never enough money. It's like you're a hamster on a wheel, you know, and I can imagine that being very anxiety producing, because if you're watching those numbers, and if you have those beliefs about it, of course, you're gonna produce anxiety because you can't win.

Robert Plank 6:23 So how do people win? And how do people start to crack this nut,

Hilary Hendershott 6:27 so I teach people, it happens, it's a combination of both allowing different results in your life. So creating systems that have different results. And when your brain when you actually produce money results that your money operating system can't grapple with. Your brain has this painful cognitive dissonance time period that it goes into. But, um, but you also have to stop saying things like there's never enough money or, or when you make more money, you just have to pay more taxes, you know, you could, you could replace that deeply held belief strongly held belief with, I can't wait to make more money so that I can pay more taxes, because rich people pay more taxes than I do, or, you know, oh, ultra rich people do. Another thing I invite people to stop saying is I can't afford that, you that when you say I can't afford that what you're saying is money is more powerful than me, there's no way I can get enough money to have that thing in my life. And you're just giving up all of your financial power. So I invite people to say either, what can I do to afford that, like, let me see what I can do to put that in my spending plan. Or if you just don't want to buy it, just be honest and take responsibility for it, just say, I'm not going to put that in my spending plan, like, I'm not going to choose to buy that. And in that way, the locus of control is within you. And you're the one creating that experience. And if you look at it, like when I coach people, if we were having a coaching session, you and me, we would look at what are the actions that you you'll find that you actually take actions that support that money belief, for example, some people who resist paying income taxes, actually don't pay their estimated quarterly taxes as an entrepreneur, sometimes you need to pay those sometimes you don't, or or they'll have debt to the IRS. Well, debt to the IRS is like, herpes, man, you can't get rid of that. So that's just more anxiety, right? And so there, there are these little actions that you we sit down, and we catalog all of your systems with money, all of your habits, all of your patterns, all of your results. And we look at it like an ecosystem. It's all like we're doing private detective work to figure out where's the core of it? But the the net answer to your question is, it's a combination of altering what you say to yourself and other people about money. And then creating systems that have you produce different results.

Robert Plank 8:58 Awesome. And there's a bunch of cool stuff in there. And so what I'm hearing and let me know if I get this right or wrong, but what I'm hearing from like, from all this advice here is that like, number one, there are some things that that are in your control and other things that aren't and then the other thing is that well, there's sort of this, identifying the I guess that negative self talk that that we all seem to have, and then coming up with a replacement. So if we always have, like, you know, one certain saying or phrase or a handful of phrases, then we figure out what what's the automatic, you know, switch if we stop saying we can't afford that we say well, now that's part of my my spending plan, and that there's sort of going to be this, this growing pain sort of stage when we have that cognitive dissonance where maybe we don't 100% believe it, but if we switch our our negative self talk, that's sort of the first step is that sort of on the right track there.

Hilary Hendershott 9:50 I'm totally impressed with you. Yeah, that was great. I'll give you another example. When I first you know, there's no getting around it when you go from being an owner. overspend or someone who's in debt to being someone who's financially healthy with money, you have that feeling of the belt tightening, right? It feels like you're doing without because you're spending a lot less money than you were before. Before you were overspending now you're under spending because you have to start paying those bills off. And so instead of saying, there's never enough money, I would say to myself, I can have anything I want, if I wait long enough, because I had this little savings account that would get like $100 a month. And if I wanted something, I could buy it in as long as I could buy it in multiples of $100, you know, divided by a number of months by 100. And so that was just that was like baby steps. That was the my very first phrase change about money. It was like, I can have anything if I want. And if as long as I wait long enough,

Robert Plank 10:49 awesome. So it sounds like there's like the psychological or like the mental aspect of this. And then there's somewhat of like, the actions or the spending plan or the budget, or there's something and so yeah, I mean, would you say that? Like, is it? Is it 5050? Or is the sort of conquering this money problem? Is it mostly mental? Or is it mostly actions? Or like, what would you say is sort of a ratio of like that that inner game to the outer actions?

Hilary Hendershott 11:14 I think it all starts with a decision, really, when if your money life, if your money system isn't working for you, you, you have the opportunity to say, my life is not going to finish this way. Like it's going this way for me now. But it's not going to go this way forever. And you switch from saying things like, the world is out to get me it didn't work out for me, I got the wrong bachelor's degree, I'm a woman, and they'll never give me a raise. You just stopped saying crap like that. And you start saying things like, Where can I go make more money? I wonder how I can double my prices? I wonder how I can get four more sponsors, right. Like, like, at least being in wonder, is a major mindset shift from being in pessimism or certainty that it's not going to work out? And then the the, you can't get there without the practical steps. But you asked for a ratio. I mean, I would say it's 80%. mindset. And then it's just that the the practical actual actions are required, you can't get there without them. So I would give those the other 20%.

Robert Plank 12:23 Okay, off. And what I'm hearing from just the way that you're describing this, that's like, I guess correct, or like, the more enlightened way of thinking is sort of to have more of an abundance mindset. As opposed to that that scarcity mindset of like, you know, I'm always running out, I always have to be careful. And so I mean, when you

Hilary Hendershott 12:40 teach people that some people just give lip service to that, right, they just say have an abundant mindset. What is that? Okay, well, if that worked, we'd all be skinny and rich. Right?

Robert Plank 12:50 Right. Right. So that so it's one thing to like to, like, know the terms or to say that but another thing to take it seriously and live your life and all that stuff? Exactly. So like along those lines, like when you when you like, you know, work with clients and things like that, is there some sort of like a step by step process that you kind of take people through? Like, is one step sort of the, you know, the saying the white the right words? Or is one step having the spending plan? Or is there any sort of sort of like method to the madness in that way?

Hilary Hendershott 13:19 Yeah, I'm actually there is, let me look that up for you. So. So the first, I really do believe the first step is to decide, I believe that I invite everyone I coach, everyone I work with, to say, you know, it's gone this way up to now, and it is not going this way, in the future, like, I am going to find a way to get to financial fulfillment, financial freedom. And then the next step, the second step is really to get real with the numbers, you have to get out of your head, get out of make believe in whatever you're saying to yourself about money. I mean, just as a practical matter, you have your bank accounts in one portal, your credit cards, and another your loan student loans and another you have to look at everything in one place. So we get really real, like having a very intimate relationship with the numbers, how much is coming in? How much is going out? What's your net worth? And some people need some time to cry. And, and then we get to work we look at do you actually have the cash flow right now to pay your bills? I mean, most people think they have an earning problem. But the truth in my experience is most people actually have a spending problem. So once we create a cash flow plan, I call that the Prophet boss automation system. I really like to set up systems that work every month on an automated fashion so that you only have to make one or two decisions, right? When you're standing at Macy's and you really want that jacket is not the time to ask yourself, Do I have the money left in my spending plan? I want you empowered with that information. So I In the beginning, I only spent from one one account. So you have your all your spending money in one checking account, and you use one debit card, and you can spend that account all the way down to zero, but you have more than $0 remaining, because the rest of your dollars are in different accounts. Then we go to work on your language, we're going to master your internal programming and really look at, you know, taking on what I call a nexus of control, like you're the one responsible, you're not a victim of the world. And then we do some more practical things like this, the next phase is called Ask. So that's learning how to negotiate, ask for your bills to be lower, ask for your income to be higher. And then and then taking on being an earner who someone who saves money and, and invested in things that compound over time. So it's really, really as a step by step plan.

Robert Plank 15:53 Awesome and have lots of good stuff in there. And what I'm sort of hearing hearing, as you're explaining how to set that up is like number one, sort of identify where where the herd is right where the problem is get real with, with the numbers, like you said, so that you can actually see, okay, I have this in the bank, I have this net worth, I have this in the credit card, that way, people can actually stop being in denial. And what I really like, as you explained all that is that well, first of all, it sounds like when things are set up, or you have, you know, all the bills being paid or things scaled back somewhat somewhat. And there's that spending account, it seems like by having sort of somewhat of that structure in place, it kind of takes the the angst or like the worry out of things. So that way, you can say, well, you know, whatever I have whatever amount of money I have in that spending account. Now, it's a very simple decision. Or, like you said, if I can afford that thing or not. And that way, it's like, well, now if I can't afford it, or it's not in the budget, I'm not a terrible person. And I'm not gonna be tempted to like fudge it and, and overspend like a lot of people seem to be having this problem with the, the breaking of the pattern. So I mean, is that sort of right? It sounds like just by, by having even a few of these rules, it kind of takes a lot of those emotional swings out of out of people stress there.

Hilary Hendershott 17:04 Yeah, most people who have a negative financial life right now, if I call it destructive money habits, most people who have that have a lot of stress and anxiety about it. And the human brain does not function well when it's filled with cortisol, which is that that fight flight or fight a hormone that really just takes you over and it puts you kind of in the in the I can only make one decision right now kind of a place. And so we got to get that cortisol level down. And so and so most people who are in that kind of situation have a lot of story going on about their money, there isn't like, well, there's $9. In that account, there's $100 a debt on that credit card. It's not like that. It's like this, oh my god, I'm a loser. I'm the worst. I'm so embarrassed. I'm like, I'm gonna cry. It's like that. It's like very emotional. And so the more you can separate the emotions from the money, the better off you're going to be. Awesome. I

Robert Plank 18:01 mean, it's, it sounds like a great way for people to sort of get out of that, that hopeless feeling if they feel like they're backed into a corner. And so if people are looking to, to, you know, change that money story, and they want to contact you, and they want to check out what you're all about, where should they go right now?

Hilary Hendershott 18:18 Come on over to profit boss radio, in your podcast app, I would love to have you as a listener, if there's room for another podcast on your podcast lineup. I'm also at Hillary hender shot.com. That's Hillary with one L and Hendre shot with two T's.

Robert Plank 18:33 Awesome. So Hillary hendershot.com. And then once people go to Hillary Henner shot, what do you want them to do? Once they're there? Like, where should they go to, if they want to buy something from you, or they want to like hire you for coaching, where should they go for that sort of stuff.

Hilary Hendershott 18:48 So what they should do to connect with me is download the, I have a guide called master your money mind right there on the homepage of the website, they download that there'll be on my, my email newsletter, and they can actually email me directly from the email newsletter, just hit reply, me or my team read every email and you'll get a lot from that guide, it's going to go through everything we talked about today, step by step, including a few worksheets to help you understand your money systems. So cheat sheets and and a like a checklist and, and opportunities for you to fill in the information about your own money life.

Robert Plank 19:26 Awesome. Lots of good stuff there. And so, you know, as we're sort of winding down in the last minute or so here, I mean, if people are out there, and you know, they're listening to us today, and they're going to, you know, check out that your radio show and they're going to get on that email newsletter on they're gonna download lots of stuff. I mean, is there like, is there like one or two sentences that like you want to you want to tell people out there to sort of reassure them or tell them that everything is going to be okay. Or maybe like, is there some sort of money advice that you wish you'd gotten yourself? You know, years ago when things weren't looking so great, any sort of thing to take Help people right now.

Hilary Hendershott 20:02 Two sentences. Wow. Put me on the spot, Robert, a number. You know, I think yeah, I know what you mean. So look, if I can do it, you can do it I was on I was literally weeks from homelessness, we didn't go into the details of how bad my financial life got. But I, I got I let things get dire and how money goes is you're naive until you wake up in pain so you can forgive yourself. I mean, honestly, it is so possible to move past the mistakes of the past. And anything is possible if you put your mind to it and take the right actions. So I have faith in you and, and I'd love to have you be one of I'm set out to empower a million people to become millionaires. And I'd love for you to be one of them.

Robert Plank 20:51 Awesome, and I think they will be and I think everyone's ready to let the past be the past and to move forward. And so everyone should right now check out the profit boss radio podcast. And also while you're at the computer or while you're at your phone or whatever, go to Hillary hender shot.com and check out what Hillary has to say. So thanks so much, Hillary for stopping by the show today and sharing what you had to share with us.

Hilary Hendershott 21:12 Thanks for having a great show.

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