259: Reinvent Your Life, Culitvate Your Inner Circle, Absorb Values, and Model the Right People with Damion Lupo

Robert Plank 0:00 Robert Plank Show Episode 259, reinvent your life, cultivate your inner circle, absorb values and model the right people with Damien Lupo. All right, hey everyone and welcome back to the program. Our guest today is Damian Lupo from Total Control financial.com so Mr. Damian, how are things today, Robert, they are awesome, awesome. Glad to hear that. So can you tell our audience, kind of who you are and what you do? Yeah, I'm

Damion Lupo 0:27 a I'm a lifelong entrepreneur that grew up with polar bears in Alaska, and I basically started off my business career when I was like 11, buying and selling Nintendo games. And that morphed into things after I tried to do college, and I ended up doing going into the real estate world, starting up different businesses, insurance businesses, multiple real estate development companies. And the entire time I was doing this, I was, I was really just finding problems that needed to be solved. And in the real estate world I was, I was basically creating a system where I was the bank to help people get into houses and and and so I was solving that problem and creating some wealth there, and ultimately that turned into writing books about it, and and my but the other books I wrote were all about teaching. So what I've morphed into is this entrepreneurial teacher and and taking what I've learned not just to go and make more money with it, but to really share it and have a bigger impact. So today, when I think about what I'm doing, my goals, it's not necessarily to make 10 times as much money this coming year. It's to create 10 times as much impact. And that happens because of the work that I'm doing, where I'm writing more books. I'm sharing the message. I'm sharing what I've learned with people in the wisdom on things like like your show. It's it's finding ways to be be a better teacher and and using experience so that it's not just academic. I think there's, there's way too much academic experience out there, and what we really need is we need to understand the wisdom that people have earned by being out in the trenches. And so I'm hopeful that that my my bloody knees and and bruised elbows are useful for people, and they can it can help them avoid doing some of those same silly things and and they can leverage off of their own mistakes that are unique, that they'll end up sharing with other people too, awesome.

Robert Plank 2:05 And, I mean, and, yeah. And even if people maybe made similar mistakes, maybe they can hear about your even larger mistakes and say, Okay, I made some of those little mistakes, and I'm not going to repeat those kinds of things. And I like, how, how? So for you, it's not about the money. I mean, the money is great and stuff like that. But it's like, now you're at the point where you're having more of, like, the big picture and giving back and stuff like that. It

Damion Lupo 2:25 sounds like, yeah. And really, if we think about the money being a side effect of the efforts and the and the purpose that we have, it's, I'm not going to be I'm not going to go Harry ferry and say the money doesn't matter. Because the truth is, it's like saying oxygen doesn't matter. The Money does matter. It's how it's how to fuel for for operating in this world. The the truth, though, is that if we're really focused on on the circulation, by contributing and being able to accept contributions from others, if we're in that cycle, that circulation there, the money just ends up being this massive byproduct. The bigger we show up, the more impact we have. So if we can focus on that, then we really start to tap into the universe conspiring with us. And that's where it gets fun, because you stop going, okay, how am I gonna pay my bills all the time? And I also have been there where I'm thinking, How do I pay my rent this month so I don't get evicted? I mean, I've been in those spaces. It's the sooner we can get out of that space and really start focusing on the impact and stop living in that fear by staying in motion, there's we have the opportunity to really start living fully, instead of living in a state of chaos and fear all the time, awesome

Robert Plank 3:28 and sort of having that that life that has a real meaning. And so you're mentioning some of these things about, like, the circulation, the contribution and stuff like that. And I mean, do you, and with all your writing in your books, are there, like, a set of, like, core principles or something, or, like, all these things we're kind of throwing out, like is, do they all sort of fit together in some way in your head?

Damion Lupo 3:46 Yeah, they came together when I founded total control financial about a year ago, when I was thinking about what that company represented, and my entire life, my whole career, I was I was wanting to help people do better financially, and get them out of the bondage of their money and their financial problems. And so thinking through what this company was all about, there was this mission to free people financially, but then it was really a question of, what are the values that we're going to make decisions on? Who are we going to bring into the mix? And how do we know who we're picking, and we know who we're picking, and we know what our customer is going to be what their their essence is, if we can determine the values. So the values that we we came up with, and these are really synonymous with my personal values are 10x thinking, growth, relationships, transparency, candor and self responsibility. And the last one is probably the most important, that everything we do is based on us owning the the decision. It's us owning our own, our life and and really anybody that we're engaged with, a team member or a customer. We're only wanting to spend time. We're only really going to allow people into our ecosystem that are self responsible. There's just no space for victims, blame, justifying and all that nonsense. It's, it's an energy killer, and really it destroys. Always the growth and possibility of what this culture in this organization, and what life can be awesome.

Robert Plank 5:04 And as you're sort of describing that, what goes through my head is that sort of thing of like the that with the Jim Rohn thing, like you're the average of your five people. And it makes me think that, well, that kind of goes both ways, right? Because if you have all these great you know, colleagues and partners and customers in this culture at like, the rising tide lifts all boats. But then the opposite is true. It seems like for me, like I've definitely seen people, and I've seen groups where everyone kind of brings each other down and so, so maybe, like, can you sort of talk about all that, like the sort of like being, being a better person and owning your own life, and maybe where things not quite that way before, and they're better now. Or like, what was that sort of contrast like for you? Yes,

Damion Lupo 5:45 it's a great question. When I when I look back 15 years ago, I think about the the five people that were around me, and I wrote about this in my book reinvented life, where there's a chapter called your Bucky five, or the Bucky five, and this is, it's called osmotic adaption, and Jim Rohn did talk about that. I think that's where I originally got the idea. And it was the that we become these things. And it's not just that we become maybe their successes or their income, but we become their health. We become the most important thing. We become their values. If we're around people that are sleazeballs, we're going to start absorbing some of that stuff. And one of the huge mistakes that I made back in the in the early 2000s and something that shifted massively was I was modeling people's surface. I was modeling their external like their their lifestyle, their wealth, their their they where they lived. I was looking at that going, okay, if I'm around them, I can have those things. And I did. I created all that, the money and the houses and and that lifestyle, what I also created was a model where I was becoming their morals and their ethics or their lack of and when things melted down, when, when I lost my my wealth, my financial wealth, and really my health and kind of everything that was important, I asked the question, What? What? What happened there? And what happened was I didn't have a sense of my values or or I wasn't really conscious to who I was around in terms of what was under their hood. And we have to make sure that we know what's under the hood with people that we're spending time with, if people are secretive, if they're devious, if we're around people and they're having affairs and we're in business with them, guess who they're going to have an affair on next I mean, I watched this happen, and I went, why am I surprised? Because the way people do something is the way they do everything. And I just watched this happen over and over again. And so now there is total there's consistency. If people are getting close to me, it's because they're what I see, is what they deliver. There's, there's no they do life, one way here and the different way over there, like, it's very consistent. And, and that's, that's the transparency piece, is one of the most important things that we can ever offer. And, and it builds trust. It builds it builds bonds. And ultimately, you can create a relationship based on that. If you don't have that, I don't know what you have, you certainly don't have a relationship that's worth having, in my mind,

Robert Plank 7:58 awesome and, and the best thing about what you said, right there is the way they do something, is the way they do everything. And that might even stick with me the rest of my life, and I can completely relate to that, like, if I like, you know, there are people in my life where sometimes I talk to them and it's like, non stop, like complaining or gossip, and maybe not, not so much negativity, but just, you know, gossip about this person, gossip about that person, and then the whole time it's happening, what, what I'm thinking is, well, I now I'm sort of wary about sharing anything with you, because I think that you're gonna be gossiping about me to other people when I'm not there. And so, so you're talking about all the stuff, like transparency. And so what are your thoughts on how that sort of fits in, like, with the whole branding thing? Because, like, you know, people say stuff like, you know, be transparent, be authentic, be your real self. But then there's also, like the branding part and having like, the same message, and having this persona. And so how do you sort of sort of balance that, or does it not even have to really affect each other? Well,

Damion Lupo 8:56 I think when you have your branding and really, you're telling a story, and you're helping to guide your your customer, your client, through a journey. And it needs to be authentic. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are the story. You could be the story. It just needs to be real or it needs to be consistent. And I think people, if they, if they understand that they're the story is consistent, and it's, it's predictable. And I think you can build trust based on that. It's, it's when things are, are that they're too manipulated, where people aren't quite sure what you're saying. It's like they feel that there's a trick, I'm going to be pulled into your thing, and then you're gonna, you're gonna gotcha, you're gonna, you're gonna get them. And I see that a lot in in terms of the financial services, they're out there, where there's a story and it's a spin, and it's, it's the it's to tap into people's fears and their anxiety and and then people get tricked into doing something, and they're, they're kind of confused, and I see that a lot, where people aren't just really open about what they're selling and what it costs. And that's one of the things that that's incredibly important here at the company at Total Control financial, is that. It. People know exactly what everything costs, and they know exactly what we're going to do with them and what we're going to provide for them. And when I see other whether it's insurance or Wall Street firms or whatever, playing games with people and not and keeping them confused, keeping them in the dark, making things overly complicated, it makes me cringe, because I don't think you're being authentic by setting up a firm like that or a story, even if it sounds really good, it's just not authentic. So I think that being really, really candid with people, and whether or not they do business with you, just having that is how we should be showing up in the world. So that's what I get attracted to, and that's that's who we are,

Robert Plank 10:35 makes a lot of sense there. And so, and I'm looking at your your book, The reinvented life, right now, and you have a chapter on on stillness, and that's sort of been a thing that's been on my mind lately, just especially with, you know, it's really hard to, you know, sit through a whole TV show or sit through a whole movie, or not turn on your phone and stuff. And so can you kind of talk to us about that? Because it seems to me, at least, that, like, this whole idea of, like, you know, stillness and and not being, you know, distracted by all these things around us. It seems like these days, especially with us entrepreneurs and US people building businesses, it seems like that's the kind of thing where it's becoming more and more important. So can you kind of talk to us about how you kind of, kind of get out of that, that panic mirror go around, and how do you how you stay don't have technology control you? Can you talk about that kind of stuff?

Damion Lupo 11:21 Yeah, Robert, I drown my devices. I mean, truly, the only way, I think, at this point, based on all the devices and all the noise and everything, is to the first step is to drown him, to disconnect from them. I remember going to yoga a while ago, and that's one of the places that I find a lot of stillness. I remember going there and I forgot my phone, and I there was this sense of anxiety. And I was, I was kind of panicking, going, what happens if I need a call, if I need to call somebody, or somebody's calling me, or if I need to check so the the precious metals price, like all these things that I was addicted doing with my device, and I just started laughing at myself, and I thought, wow, nothing is going to happen in the next hour. I mean, really. And so it was, it was just noticing that and observing that and disconnecting. It was, it was an amazingly quiet hour for going there. And so I'll consciously spend time disconnecting with the devices, walking away from those things, and spending time in things that are way bigger than I am as a for anybody that's a type A personality, or, you know, the Type A personality, we tend to be drivers and big thinkers, and we're doers, and it's really important for for people like us to be able to go in and be a part of something that's bigger. And so for me, that's like, I was at the ocean this weekend. I flew out to spend a little bit of time at the ocean. And there's even though it's very noisy, with the waves crashing, there's the sense of stillness where you don't have all the artificial noise. You just have these natural rhythms and, and, and this feeling that you're you're in a place of calm, and I that's those two things, device disconnection and, and being in nature and really just meditating in that space is, is the primary it's not complicated, but doing that consistently, consistently makes a huge difference in just operating without melting down. Awesome,

Robert Plank 13:03 and that whole hanging out in nature thing, that's the kind of thing where I forget to do it, but then those times that I remember to go and, like, you know, drive to a big park and, like, walk out to the point where, like, I'm surrounded by trees, can't even see the road, can't even see the parking lot, like I do within enough times, and it totally helps. And, and, and so am I right in sort of assuming that, that this sort of helps with, like, the the money anxiety? Because, I mean, like, you know, we're entrepreneurs, and you've dealt with, like, you know, real estate and financial stuff, and there's always these, you know, huge swings of money, and sometimes it seems like there's never enough money in the bank account, or you fill it up, it empties back out. You fill it up. And so, I mean, does this sort of work as well for the money anxiety, or, like those back and forth swings, or is there, is there more to to solving that mental problem, aside from this, other than the nature and the observing and stuff, is there, is there more to solving this problem?

Damion Lupo 13:53 I think, just having the rhythm around this, because as much as we can be in in nature, it doesn't really help if you just do it once, here and there, once, once a year, once. I mean, you've really got to create a rhythm around this. And when you do that, my experience is that you end up realizing and feeling that the other stuff is just stuff, and there's something bigger and more profound, more important. You start understanding at a deeper level of relationships and just you start to appreciate yourself, and you disconnect a little bit from the value and the importance of just having more money in the bank account and thinking that's the solution. I mean, it's amazing what can happen sitting in by the ocean or in a park or or taking a walk. I mean, these, these type of things, are so simple, and yet we've, we've, for some reason, decided that everything needs to be overly complex, and if we don't have more money in our bank account, then it's not good enough. We're not safe enough, we're not happy enough, and we keep going for more, and then you watch people degrade. I mean, I remember that experience where I had millions in the bank and it wasn't enough, and I was basically killing myself to have another million or two, and I ended up in the hospital thinking I was, I was dying of cancer or something, and and it was, it was probably because I had. No rhythm around disconnecting with all the noise and going into the space of stillness and silence, that one shift makes all the difference in the world. Finding that, whatever that is for you

Robert Plank 15:09 awesome, and it sounds like just that, getting that rhythm and sort of taking a break and unplugging sort of gets us out of that grind. Gets us out of, like, the that just like, I've got to have more, I've got to, like, move in that direction. You can kind of open up to your possibilities and kind of think about what's around you. And so, I mean, are you okay with sharing this, like, sort of your, what your daily routine is? Like, like, I mean, do you have some sort of daily routine you like, wake up early? Like, what kind of happens in your life in a typical day?

Damion Lupo 15:37 Yeah, the typical day when there's a typical day. I mean, here's what happens all the time. I'm very methodical about the time blocking. I took Gary Keller's book The one thing to heart, and I really I structured my life around making sure that things are time blocked, that things happen within Windows and and so it's not I don't leave things to chance, where I just hope things will work out. Like I know exactly when things are going to happen, and they're planned out days and weeks in advance. And I also open windows so that there's just a there, there's chunks of time. It could be in a day, it could be a weekend, where there's nothing planned. It's just time for me to free flow. And so on a regular basis, on a daily basis, the rhythm is, is definitely based on, I mean, my morning rituals are Hal elrods Morning miracle, with the with the the Savers, which is the the silence, the meditation and the activity, working out reading and writing with journaling and and envisioning my life, so that I know what's pulling at me, and I make sure to tweak that as things evolve in my life. So that one it maybe, sometimes, maybe Tony Robbins would call it the power hour. I mean, people have different names for it. It's starting the day with that type of win. And it's, it's, it's scheduled into my my morning, so that when I'm done with that, I'm hitting the ground running and and even though I have all these things that are blocked out these times, for for calls, or for for selling, or whatever it is, I've already started off with so many wins that it changes my level of of energy. And there's, there's a sense of gratitude for Wow. My life is awesome. And when you show up in that with that energy in conversations, whether you're talking to a prospect or you're talking to your team, it changes the energy of everything around the conversation, so you're setting yourself up to have a much better experience. And ultimately, that ends up where the universe kind of conspires with you. And it's not a negative energy, where if you're feeling frustrated or beat down to start with, people aren't really that inspired with it. So that's how I start my day. And it tends to spill into all everything else in a really positive way, awesome,

Robert Plank 17:29 cool stuff. And I've sort of noticed that too, and and once again, like I said, like, it's the kind of thing where for a few months I kind of neglect it, or I forget about it, and then I have a few months where I remember to sort of take things seriously. I remember to, you know, wake up before the sun comes up, and go around the block and, like, take a shower and like, like you said, start the day off, right? And even just, like, making the bed early, like, sets up so much more of that good momentum throughout the day and what? And when you mentioned those different things, like, one thing you sort of mentioned was that whole idea of having those, those open windows on your kind of appointment schedule. And I've heard of this maybe once or twice, but I don't think I quite got it, and it sounds really interesting to me. So can you kind of tell us what this whole idea is of with, like, open windows, and maybe, like, how often they are, how long of a window it is, and maybe what kind of things you do during this open time? Yeah, it's

Damion Lupo 18:17 structured, unstructured time. So you really are blocking out time. So I blocked I'll block out three or four hours on certain days where it's sometimes that's for me just to maybe even catch up on on my life, stuff where we have these things that are going and we're trying to figure out where we're gonna fit them in, five minutes here, 10 minutes there. And what I do is I make sure that nothing else can get in that way, so I have these buffers. It's one of the mistakes I used to make was I would travel, and I would travel arriving home, like an hour before I had to start my next day. Instead of doing that, I now create a day, a buffer in between where it's really to catch up, and the biggest part of it is it allows time to just breathe and simply be and observe my life, instead of just constantly be going through the motions and being in this hamster wheel. So whether it's cutting out times where it's several hours, I know one of my friends has had the schedule where she would work from 8am till 6pm but then she had like another job where she would continue to work from six until 10, and she was always engaged, always on the phone, and there was never a buffer. And I'm watching her going. So are you going to stop when you literally are on an ambulance Gurney, like, what? What is your where? When is it time for you? And it we get into these rhythms around just going, going, going, going, going, and it's and we just have to cut those. We have to cut the time out and and live it. So for me, that's really finding the time to just breathe. And it's really not more complicated than that. When you when you spend time, it's fun, when you actually spend time consciously breathing, you find yourself thinking differently, and you find everything kind of changes, but you've got it. I think you have to cut time out, even if it's five minutes or five hours, whatever that is, and be conscious about your breath. Yeah,

Robert Plank 19:56 yeah. And I mean, and like, and number one, like, recharge your batteries. Number. You with that breathing and you just kind of, kind of not, like, not be in this, the rushing to get around and stuff and so just to make sure that, like, I completely get it. So, I mean, what can you give us some examples of, like, what kinds of things, what kind of activities do you do during this, this open time, when you're catching up on loose ends and stuff like that? Well,

Damion Lupo 20:17 for one of the things that I'll do is I'll literally just turn off my phone and wander aimlessly around my city. I mean, that's, that's something that will happen, and it helps me to start connecting and grounding into my environment. I mean, there, there are things that happen with with all of our lives at home, we just, we have stuff we have to do, and it just, it kind of gets pile it piles up that this is, it's really time for me to just be in observation mode and not be doing anything. And the the the tendency I have, and I think a lot of times we help. We do this where, if our phone is on, we tend to be doing something with it. And so it's, it's critical to turn it off and really be able to just be out there doing nothing. I mean, almost being kind of a nomad in our own town or our own space. And it could be doing things that are mindless, but really allowing your brain to just be still and, and so the for me, it's that simple. It's, it's wandering around, it's, it's maybe being at home and just sitting outside, staring out at humanity and, and it's like being at the airport and doing people watching at LAX. I mean, there's a profound experience just in that. And it's kind of simple, but if we sit still, we tend to have all sorts of amazing ideas happen and and typically, we're not sitting still long enough to even have those ideas. We're just too busy doing things

Robert Plank 21:25 awesome. So, so this open time thing, so you just, you have this window of three or four hours where the phone is off, no computer, no actual task, just go out and just kind of kind of wander and just whatever happens happens for those hours.

Damion Lupo 21:39 Yeah, and trust that the world is not going to end. There's, there's this misnomer that if we don't text people back within 12 seconds, and we don't return the phone call within 15 minutes or an hour, like something tragic is going to happen. And the truth is, it's not. I mean, we just, I think there's been this expectation that everything is immediate, right back, and so we're always paying attention. It's our our brain, our amygdala is is just always on, waiting for the next thing, for us to fight or flight around and and just understanding that nothing bad is going to happen, that we can really be, we can we can be and not always be doing something, just trusting in that is, is a powerful shift back into that, that pace of the place of stillness and and and consciousness

Robert Plank 22:21 awesome. I mean, I mean, yeah, we're not machines. And it seems like people sort of keep trying to gravitate more and more like the like your body or your mind has to act like a computer, or has to act like a phone. And it seems like that's not really compatible there.

Damion Lupo 22:34 Now it's the squirrel brain we're bouncing around. We've got all these things that are trying to cap capture our attention, and it's it's actually one of the most disturbing things, being around people when, when that's going on, and I noticed myself feeling bad because it, there's something off about it when I'm around people that are that aren't that, where I'm not engaging with them, I'm engaging with my phone, and it's an easy defense mechanism to go back into our devices. But the truth is, we don't really connect with other people. And at the end of the day, what are we really wanting? Deeply, we'd want connection. We want to be in relationship. We want to serve other people. How do we ever do that, if we're sitting there serving our devices, or just take paying attention to whatever beeps and blips at us, right?

Robert Plank 23:13 And just, and just kind of half there, and kind of like looking at the phone, even though it's some stupid Facebook post, it doesn't have any meaning on anything, but it's like, Oh, I gotta drop everything that I'm doing to look it on at the phone. And it's, I think it was like, some, like, Jerry Seinfeld thing or something, where he's like, you'll be in a conversation and your phone will go off, and you'll stop the conversation and look at the phone. But like, how rude would it be if I was talking to you and you just, like, took out a magazine and started reading it. But it's like, kind of the same thing, right? Just stopping the conversation in its tracks and reading the

Damion Lupo 23:41 magazine. It's true. I remember talking to my dad years ago and and he'd get some random call, basically from a solicitor. And he'd go, oh, wait, hold on, I got to take this call. I'm not sure who this is. I go, Yeah, but you know who's on the phone with you right now? It's your son. Why are you disconnecting to answer some random call that's not in your call or your your directory. You don't know who it is that can't go to voicemail, but it there's this fear of missing out, this fear that if I didn't answer this, something might happen, and there was just a lack of being present with with the actual experience of the conversation that was being had right then. And I always laugh about that, but I don't think that's all that unusual, right? I

Robert Plank 24:20 mean, and it sounds like just a good wake up call for everyone in general, just that it might not be a quick fix, overnight solution, but kind of getting back to the yoga, the meditation, the open time, the stillness, the sort of just unplugging, it seems like that can slowly, like undo that addiction that we all have to the fear of missing out, as you said, It

Damion Lupo 24:40 is. And one of the things that I found, and the part of the book that I really go into this in reinvented life, I talk about the internal reinvention when we're trying to change something, or when we it's important that we change something in our life, we have to start inside, and the first place we have to go to is our thoughts and our belief systems. And a lot of people. Don't want to go there. I know I didn't, right? I ignored this for a couple years because there the truth was sitting there, and I didn't want to acknowledge the truth, because the truth was a little ugly and and to go into that stillness, we start to see the truth, and then we can start rewiring, which changes the internal, which then changes the external. And so we have to go into that space. It's it's important, if anything is important, to change, we have to start with the stillness and pay attention to what's really going on right between our ears.

Robert Plank 25:23 Awesome. And like you said, a scary place to go, but we all kind of need to go there. And even if we've forgotten to go there, maybe go back again and make sure that that we do those important things to be the best kind of person that we can be. And so I don't want to keep you too long, but I want to make sure that everyone knows everything. There is no about Mr. Damien, so can you tell us about where people can get this reinvented life book, as well as anything else about your companies and stuff you want people to know

Damion Lupo 25:47 about? Yeah, the book is on is on Amazon. All the books are on Amazon. And if you all want to know more about what I'm doing with my business your I'd love to have you visit total control financial com. I mean, really, the work that I'm doing is is the culmination of 20 years of teaching and being out in the in the real world, of investing in business and helping people understand that there's a way where they can, they can get off the typical Wall Street roller coaster and unshackle the bondage of being in Wall Street jail and taking control and being responsible for their their money and their financial future. So come visit us at Total Control, financial calm and and and reach out love to love to hear from everybody that's that's listening and and be able to support y'all in your your journey through the the financial bondage and releasing that

Robert Plank 26:31 awesome, good stuff. So if you listen today, I mean, you did listen today, you guys, but you listen today, if you like what you heard, if you thought that you had some breakthroughs, and you want to check out more, go to Amazon and search the reinvented life to find Damien's book, and then go to total control, financial.com to check out that all of those other training materials as well. So thanks so much Damien for stopping by the show and sharing with us some sort of mind blowing like Bucha style life advice. And I really appreciate it.

Unknown Speaker 26:58 Thanks, Robert. It's been fun. Same here.

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