959: Raise Your Game: High Performance Secrets, Storytelling, Speaking, and Emotional Intelligence with Alan Stein, Jr.

Robert Plank 0:04 And here we are back on the podcast. We're here with Ellen Stein JR. He's a performance coach with a passion for helping business leaders change behaviors. And Alan has spent 15 plus years working with the highest performing basketball players on the planet. These are NBA superstars like Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, Kobe Bryant. And now we're going to be speaking today about these ideas, like elite performance, like having a winner's mindset and peak performance and the things to model and the traits to adopt and the mistakes to avoid and all that fun stuff. So Alan, glad to be talking to you.

Unknown Speaker 0:38 Oh, man, I'm equally excited, this will be a fun conversation.

Robert Plank 0:41 I agree. And it's always fun to just kind of kind of like, you know, think on your feet. And I see from your bio, that you're a storyteller. So just right off the bat, like one is a fun, impactful story, surely wake people up and pay attention to us so that we we know what you do and what makes you unique?

Speaker 2 0:58 Well, before I dive into an actual story, which I'm excited to do, let me set the context of why I believe storytelling is so important. Whether you're a coach, whether you're a business executive, whether you're someone in marketing, in sales, your story is what helps change emotion. And emotion is what we actually use to make decisions. To create habits, you know, emotion is, is is really the pulse of everything we do as human beings, we tend to think that we make, excuse me, decisions based on logic, in fact, but I've actually read research that says over 90% of the decisions we make large and small, are based on emotion. So if you want someone to change the way they think, change the way they behave, change their habits, change their buying behavior, then it's vital that you get them to change their emotional state. And story is one of the best ways to do that. So in my keynotes, in my my workshops, I make sure that I'm telling a story about every eight to 10 minutes to continue them on that emotional journey. So I've long learned the importance of story.

Robert Plank 2:04 And that's a great tip right off the bat every eight to 10 minutes having in the in your back pocket one of those stories, and you're making me think that even just as recent as last night, I was working on a project, I was stuck. And I was kind of stuck in that kind of facts and Figure mode. And I told myself a story. I was like, How do I teach this kind of geeky techie concept? And I said, you know, instead of trying to say you need to do this, or here's the steps, I said, Well, how about the story, and here's where it begins. And here's where their problem is. And here's kind of the journey you go on. And here's the struggles you come across. And here's where you end up. And then like this 10 pages of this book I was writing just kind of flowed. And it explained this kind of boring and technical concepts in a way more fun and engaging way because just this idea of tapping into our human brains are not computers, they weren't meant to learn from the facts and figures they learned from stories. So why fight that lean into that? And so, so yeah, so I'm excited to jump into some some stories about you know, with all of your sports experience, I'm sure that you have some like, you know, struggles and triumphs to talk about. So I mean, the floor is yours, what do you have to say to us? Awesome,

Speaker 2 3:13 well, real quick, I mean, stories also make things more memorable and stickier. And as communicators. And as leaders, we want to make sure that what it is that we're sharing actually resonates long after we share it. So I don't know if you realize that, but you just told a story about how you used story when you were, you know, when you're hitting that stumbling block. And, and now that's something that I won't forget, if you would have just been eight seconds just told me the facts of hey, I got stuck, I just did this. It wouldn't be memorable, and it wouldn't be sticky. But you just told a story about how you use story. So as we can already see stories are impactful. And one of the ones that I use to open up almost every one of my keynotes because it's one of my foundational principles. I'll give you kind of the shortened version now. And if any of your listeners or viewers want to hear the more theatrical version, they can go to my my YouTube channel. But the reason I always start with this story is it's the foundation of my perspective, as a coach, and as a speaker. And it it all stemmed from a time in 2007 When I get to meet Kobe Bryant for the first time, and he said something to me, that changed my life forever. Now, for some context, I had a chance to watch one of his really early morning private workouts. And I remember as a young coach being very surprised that he was drilling down on some very basic moves, like stuff that I had taught to middle school age players. And, you know, it's my assertion that in 2007, Kobe was the best player on the planet. So I was a little surprised that the best player in the world was doing such basic drills. And when I asked him about it later that day at camp, he said something that literally changed my life and perspective forever. I asked him why a player of his stature and at his level was doing such basic drills, and he smiled and he winked. But he said in a very serious tone Why do you think I'm the best player in the world, because I never get bored with the basics. And that line and that concept of I never get bored with the basics. I mean, it still makes the hairs on my neck stand up. And you know, this was over 15 years ago, that became my foundational mantra. And I'm a huge believer that in order to be a high performer, or successful in any area of life, you have to be willing to identify what the basics and the fundamentals are. But then you have to work towards mastery of them consistently, primarily during the unseen hours when no one else is watching. So this concept of never getting bored with the basics. And working on the fundamentals during the unseen hours, is really the staple of what it is that I teach to businesses and organizations around the world and to kind of come full circle. What will make that story memorable, not only for you, but for everyone watching or listening right now is the story at which I've learned that if I would have just told you that one of my mantras is never getting bored with the basics, it would most likely be forgotten by this afternoon. But because I attached it to a signature story about Kobe Bryant, who most people are aware of, even if they don't love the game of basketball, they will remember that story forever. And the reason I know that is that his untimely passing in January of 2020. I can't tell you how many emails and text messages, direct messages I got from people I had never met that saw me on stage years before. And still remember that story in that lesson. And they just sent me a quick note saying I'm so sorry about his passing, I will never forget that story you shared. And I'm always working on the basics. So it's just a testament to how story is so impactful in what it is that we do as leaders and as communicators.

Robert Plank 6:50 I love that so much. And there's like that Bruce Lee quote that's like there's, there's the guy that's done 10,000 different kicks in the guy that's on the one kick 10,000 times, and I'm more afraid of the one guy that's done the 10,000 repetitions, and you're making, you're giving me flashbacks to like literally like being like eight years old, when they would just hit fly balls, they would just do grounders, we would just play catch back and forth for hours on end. Because why do a little bit of this a little bit of that nothing's going to stick. And so you're all about this idea of stories because you can kind of do the repetitions within your story and make the lesson sick even though it doesn't really seem like it until the end. And you can have a lot of fun. And it can be entertaining, and you can kind of dance around it. And it's something that just really stays in our minds better than just having some real quick sentence where there's not really any context where different people might misunderstand it. But it's a lot more difficult to misunderstand a story. And you just you've been blown my mind so far with a saying how stories are everywhere. I mean, you and I are probably exchanged like five or six stories just in these first few minutes. And there's that kind of just reminder, I guess so far that we need to be seeking these stories, figuring out our good stories and communicating and stories, because that's how the best communicators and the best leaders are just speaking all the time, whether we realize it or not. And so when it comes to you as a business coach, like what does that look like? Like? What sorts of problems do people come to you with? And what's kind of your focus as far as solving these problems?

Speaker 2 8:25 Well, now you said so much insightful stuff. There a couple things. One, I love that you brought up the fact that as I say, repetition is not punishment. Repetition is the oldest and most effective form of learning and skill acquisition on the planet. So if you want to get good at anything, the answer is repetition, repetition, repetition. So that's, that's crucial. And I love that you're doubling down on the importance of story, excuse me, in order for us to be able to sway that emotion. And what's so important for your listeners to understand is, you don't need to have a big giant five minute theatrical story about Kobe Bryant, in order for this to actually work. Every person listening to this has a lifetime of stories. And all you have to do is mine them. In fact, many of the most effective stories aren't about famous or notable people, but they're about your own personal experiences. It's about saying, hey, remember this time when I did this, and this happened, that it's still story. So often the mistake people make is thinking, Well, I don't have any experiences with really famous or notable people. So I guess I don't have any great stories, and nothing could be further from the truth. When I give one of my keynotes, I tell four or five different stories involving the NBA players that I've worked with and some notable coaches. But I also tell a story about being an amicably divorced father of three. And when I had my kids over for dinner, and I asked my 12 year old son Luke to clean the table, and I tell a short story about that and the lesson learned and I kid you not at the end of my keynotes more people Come up and reference a story about a dad having dinner with his children than they do about me telling stories about some of these NBA players. So it's just proof that, you know, any story that you can make somewhat entertaining and captivating, but most importantly, has appointment lesson at the end that people can use to implement in their lives. Because really, that's the whole purpose of telling story. It's not about me, it's about you. It's about what can you get out of this story? What's the lesson, I'm not just telling it to tell it? I'm telling it because if you actually implement the lesson that I share, you are going to reap benefit from that. And that's what's most important and, and really, when it comes to the reason people hire me to speak, it's usually under one of two different umbrellas. It's either to help their team improve individual performance. So how can we get everyone on our team to show up consistently as their best selves so that they can maximize their contribution to the greater good? Or they want my help in improving organizational performance, collaboration and cohesion and communication? And how can we get all of us to, as I say, played nicely in the sandbox together. So it's one thing to have a bunch of, of all stars on your team. But it's another thing to get them to play well together and support each other and empower each other so that collectively they can accomplish a lot. So individual performance and organizational performance is is my sweet spot. And that's what most companies hire for hire me to help with

Robert Plank 11:27 both sides of the coin, right? There's, there's like the personal excellence, and then there's kind of the working with a team as well. And so what's great about some of these examples of stories that you've given is that, you know, I think probably when I was a kid, when I heard of like this idea of stories you always think of like you said, they're they're big and grandiose, and your your brain wants to go and say, oh, I want to tell like the biggest story I can and with like, it's all uphill and it's all successes. It's like, you know, I met met the president, I met Tom Cruise. But then you and I both know that the the interesting stories are the ones that are relatable, that have some kind of like suspense and surprises and failures. And so what sorts of like failures, weaknesses, difficulties, do you have to share the the fun stuff?

Speaker 2 12:16 Well, I think that the funny I'm so glad you went in that direction, and you were so on point that is so insightful. I think that's one of the reasons that my story about my son, Luke, cleaning the table really resonates. One, I have the vulnerability to acknowledge that that I'm divorced. And I'd like to say amicably divorced, because my ex wife and I get along really well. But But basically, the story is, I got frustrated with the way my son cleaned the table. And then the lesson I learned was Will the reason he did it that way was because I didn't specify what I meant when I said cleaned the table. So I think again, I'm showing some humility and some vulnerability, that here, this motivational speaker who's standing on stage in front of 1000s of people is acknowledging that he can't even get his 12 year old son to clean the table properly. That's how you connect with other people. You know, connection is about the ability to be truthful and honest and vulnerable. Acknowledge that, you know, when I say this, all of the time, both onstage and on page that, that I'm not coming from a place of mastery, even the stuff that I'm sharing with you right now, I have not mastered yet. This is all stuff that I am still working on continuously and consistently. And I take pride in that. Now, where I'm really proud is the progress that I've made. You know, I'm better in all of these different areas of my life today than I was a year ago, five years ago, and definitely 10 years ago. And that's what I want to encourage and inspire folks to do is to not get stifled by perfection. You know, don't feel shame or guilt that you haven't mastered everything right now. But instead feel a sense of pride and inspiration and optimism for the direction in which you're going. And if you can make incremental, progressive systematic tweaks to your habits into your mindset into your focus, so that each day, you're getting just a little bit better in each of these areas than the compounding interest of time, you'll start to make massive, massive changes. But I think that is key when it comes to stories. And the other part as I mentioned earlier, but it's worth repeating the story is not to make me the hero or to make the person on telling the story about the hero, the ultimate goal is to make the audience the hero because they're the ones that are going to reap the benefits from the lesson. So it's that story is it might be about Kobe Bryant. But the goal is the lesson that I learned from Kobe is a lesson that you and every one of your listeners and viewers can implement into their life. And all they need to do is ask themselves, what's the area that I want to level up? You know, whether you want to level up your sales or you want to level up your marriage, ask yourself what are the fundamental building blocks to those different those different areas? And how can I work relentlessly towards mastery of them every single day? And if you come up with a list of five Six things that are the fundamentals of let's say, having a very fulfilling, nurturing, loving marriage, and you do those things every single day, then you increase the chance of having a loving and nurturing marriage, you know, so we often make things way more complicated than they need to be. So I believe in simplifying success. I believe complexity undermines execution. So in every area of my life, I believe in making things as simplified as possible, focusing on the basics, and then repetition, repetition, repetition. And if you can do that consistently, you will outperform what you're currently doing at present.

Robert Plank 15:36 I love that. And so you're making the this thing of so many different ideas. Like there's that there's that concept of kind of the story we tell ourselves about, like who we are and the journey we've been on. And there's that sort of the, the eternal cringe factor. And the reframing of that, like, if you, if you look back six months ago, and six months before that, if you kind of cringed at the way that you are different than then that at first glance, that might be kind of a downer thought, but it's a reason to celebrate, if you can keep making this progress, and you say, Oh, I can't believe I was like that two years ago. And like that three years ago, it means that you keep making progress. And so what I'm getting from you is that being harsh on yourself is built in, it's automatic, and we need to maybe be a little kinder to ourselves and celebrate those wins. And so your stories everywhere, where you're reminding me that, you know, as far as like productivity and time management, it's always a shifting, Palatine sand, right, there's always like new techniques to do. And one thing I've been doing lately is just having like a Google document, and having like these tasks I needed to do throughout the day. And then when I when I kind of do this task, I highlight it and cross it out, like in the you know, in the document, and I used to just delete them. And I used to like the next day, just delete all the previous day. And I keep like the last couple of days in the document that way, I can be like, Whoa, I think to myself, like I've only done like three things. And I'm like, I've done like 17 things in those last couple of days, just to kind of give myself that reminder of what's real, and that I am accomplishing those things even though the brain plays tricks on us and makes us maybe not notice that. And so this is Oh, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 17:18 No, I was gonna say, Man, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you by any means. But you're spitting so much gold right now. And there were two things, you said that I want to make sure that that your listeners and your viewers didn't miss. The first is and you're 100% Correct. high performers in general, have the tendency to be very self critical. You use the word harsh, which is very accurate. But then you said something so important, we have to learn to be kinder and more compassionate to ourselves. This doesn't mean we lower our standards. This doesn't mean we lower our vision or our goals for what we're trying to achieve. It means we learned to speak to ourselves with the kindness and compassion that we would speak to a friend or a loved one. Because if we constantly beat ourselves up, and we constantly weigh ourselves down with shame and guilt, when we don't perform at a higher level, that's not how you untether and actually reach higher levels that will actually keep you down. So it's very important that we have that that kindness and compassionate for ourselves. And the other thing you said, and I started to smile, because this is so true. There's actually a beauty in being able to look backwards. It's something we did years ago, and have, as you said so perfectly that cringe factor. You know, I'm now in my sixth year of corporate keynote, speaking after 20 years of being in the basketball space, I absolutely can look back at one of my first keynote speeches, and it makes my stomach turn it. I mean, that's how bad I feel about it now, but then I smile because I remember two things. One, I remember that at that time, that was the best I was capable of. That was the best keynote speech I was able to deliver at that time, based on the skills I had. I'm very thankful that six years later, I've developed more skills, and I've gotten in a lot more repetition to get better at my craft. But the other thing that makes me smile, and I say this with all in all sincerity. I hope that six years from now, I can look back at the next keynote I'm going to give next week, and look at that with a little bit of a cringe. Because that means in the next six years, I will have made so much progress that what I'm currently doing now, will will look a lot less than and I say that with a smile. So same thing with podcasting. I mean, I've I've been a guest on over 300 podcasts in the last 10 years. And I look back at some of those first interviews. And they are almost painful to watch. But thankfully, I stuck with it. And I've had lots of opportunities to meet amazing people like you, and I'm getting better at it. And 10 years from now, you and I might be able to look back on this interview. And both of us might say wow, we've gotten a lot better and that is the goal. So it's all about progress. It's not about perfection, be kind and compassionate to yourself. And I just I didn't want to gloss over those because you shared both of those things and they were really onpoint

Robert Plank 20:01 and they were amazing lessons. And you and I are just kind of doing this back and forth dance of like I say a thing, and then it brings you over here. And then you say that and I grab that and take it over there. And we're having a lot of fun with the back and forth here. And so, but overall, in our conversation, just the big mental note I'm making is to focus on the fundamentals, because it's so easy to forget. And then think about those five or six fundamentals that I want to be working on. So and write them down and look at them and review them that way. I'm always beefing those things up, whether it's public speaking, or like being on time for things or like building the writing muscle, or just whatever kind of strength I want to build. And so in our kind of final few minutes of our conversation, do you think is there anything that's not being discussed about this? As far as like, you know, habits, mindset, focus, discipline, you know, there's all these things that people like talk about, and there's the trends, but is there anything that does not get enough attention these days that you think needs some attention?

Speaker 2 21:03 Well, I'm gonna leave I'm gonna leave you with? Yes, the answer to that is an unequivocal yes. And what I'm going to do is break it down into an actionable exercise that everyone listening or watching can apply. So I think most would agree that in order to be the best version of yourself, and to make a maximum contribution to whatever you feel is most important, you have to show up high energy, you have to show up with your bucket full. And I say that in air quotes for those listening to audio only. Having your bucket full, you need it to be full physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually if that's appropriate to you. But we owe that to the people that we care about. We owe that to our families, we owe that to our clients and customers. We owe that to our teammates, and our colleagues and our co workers. And here's an exercise you can do to help increase the chance that you will show up with your bucket fold, you take out a piece of paper and you draw a vertical line down the middle. And on the left side of the paper, you come up with an exhaustive list of the things that that do fill your bucket, the things that light you up that make you smile that you enjoy that make you feel alive. You know, this could be hopping on your peloton bike or taking a yoga class, this could be listening to an awesome podcast like yours, or watching an inspirational video. This could be meditation or prayer, this could be some some quiet time or having coffee, you're walking your dog with a loved one. But whatever it may be, come up with a list of things that just writing them down actually make you smile. Then on the other side of the paper, the other side of that line, I want you to write down how you've been spending the bookends of your day, your morning and your evening routine. How do you normally spend the first 60 minutes after you wake up? And how do you normally spend the last 60 minutes before you go to bed and and I want you to write down what you've been doing for the last couple of weeks. And then to complete this audit, you compare the two sets of notes, the two sides of the paper. And you ask yourself what I believe is the fundamental question when it comes to not only high performance, but it comes to a sense of true fulfillment. And that is, Am I doing the things that I know I need to do to fill my bucket to be my best self? So ultimately, you're asking yourself in your morning and evening routine? Are you doing the things on the left side of the paper? And if the answer's no, I want you to encourage you to slowly start sprinkling those things in in your morning and evening routine. And watch how your energy increases, watch how your optimism increases, watch how your productivity increases. Because if you do this, with some honesty, you will uncover what's called a performance gap. And a performance gap is the gap between what we all know we should do to be our best self. And what we actually do. And the pinnacle of my work is getting people to help close that gap is getting people to actually do the things that they know they need to do to be their best self and anyone watching or listening right now, if you take the time, and you have the honesty and the courage and the vulnerability to do that exercise, I give you my word, it will be a game changer for you.

Robert Plank 24:09 I can see that I agree completely the performance gap. And I imagine that the average person out there has allowed themselves to drift right you think about those bookings of the day all the thing that should happen, the things that light you up till your bucket and I imagine that the average person whatever that means is probably starting the morning checking the messages on their phone is ending the day checking the email on their laptop, and then on the other side of the A on the left side of the thing they should be doing like walking the dog telling your spouse that you love them like drinking that coffee, praying yoga. And so you make it sound so simple but it's also simple to ignore the good advice and it just let the day after day beat you down and next thing you know your whole life is pasture by and you haven't trained you have and strengthen, you haven't focused. And so it's time to refocus and get back on track and apply these simple rules. They're simple, but they're also simple not to follow. So we need to kind of get back on track when we're on track and follow those things. So if someone says, All right, Alan sign Jr. He sounds amazing. He's changing the world. He has all the screen advice. I want to know more. What's the next step? What's the call to action?

Speaker 2 25:22 Well, they can go to Allen Stein jr.com. My website is kind of the hub of everything that I do. And from there, I have a blog, I have a variety of different videos and resources on my actual site. But there's also quick links to follow me and connect on social. I'm at Allen Stein Jr. on Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook, I take a lot of pride in putting out a steady, consistent stream of this type of content that I sure hope people find helpful and useful and valuable. Shoot me a DM on any of those, you know, LinkedIn and Instagram, I'm really good about getting back to people. I'm very accessible and very responsive. I've also written two books that raise your game and sustain your game. And you can find those easily on Amazon or audible or wherever you like to get books and audio books. But man, this was a really fun conversation. You are a great listener, you asked amazing questions. And nothing would make me happier than being able to serve anyone that's in your tribe and, and follows your show.

Robert Plank 26:17 Lovely, thank you for the compliment. And I love your positivity and your consistency and your high energy. And we said Allen Stein, Jr. on all socials, because you're consistent in that way. And then a l a n s t e i n j r.com. And to get to that website, where there's that hub, where you can see those blog posts, the links to those books, raise your game and sustain your game. And as we completely close out our conversation here, Alan, you know how important it is with storytelling to really end with a bang, right, really end with something that just really hit them hard. And so my favorite question to cap this off to really put my podcast guests on the spot is to ask, what advice do you wish you had received 20 years ago?

Speaker 2 27:05 or 20 years ago, I wish I would have received the advice that I'm going to give your listeners and I'm going to give you right now. And that is to have a crystal clear vision of the person you want to be 20 years from now. And then make sure that every single decision you make in your life is in alignment with becoming that person, you know, 20, I'm 47 years old at present. And I'm crystal clear on the man I hope to become by 67. And without getting too granular. I want the 67 year old Alan to be mentally, emotionally and physically fit. I want the 67 year old Alan to have a deep relationship with his children, his family and his friends. I want the 67 year old Alan to be doing work he considers meaningful and in service of other people. Well, how I apply that is today at present, I try to make as many decisions as I can in alignment with becoming that person. I try to make decisions that allow me to be mentally, physically and emotionally fit. I work hard to have a deep relationship with my children and family and friends. I am currently doing work that I consider in service of others. And that I find meaningful. So the beautiful part is, I'm not delaying any of that until I'm 67. I'm reaping those benefits in present time because I'm making the decisions in present time. But what I'm also doing is I'm designing my future. But if you and I Robert connects 20 years from now and you get you know, we get a chance to hang out when I'm 67 I don't want you to be surprised if all of those things come through. They will because I'm making decisions to make sure that happens. And I don't want anyone to get stifled as I said earlier by perfection. I'm not batting 1000. And I'm not getting straight A's across the board. I don't make every single decision in alignment with being that person. And when I do mess up or I make a boneheaded decision, or I make a poor choice. As we said earlier, I learned to forgive myself, I give myself some kindness and some compassion. And I simply move on to the next play. And here's the thing that I'll end this with, because this has been such a fun conversation. Here's my litmus test. Every single night before I go to bed, I asked myself a very important question. I say, Alan, you just traded 24 hours of your life for the progress that you made today. Are you happy with that trade? And if the answer is yes, if I made pretty good decisions most of the time that day, then I get some peaceful, restful sleep that night. In the rare instance that I had an off day, I wasn't my best self. I made some really poor decisions. I forgive myself, I give myself grace and compassion. And I still have some restful and peaceful sleep because I know I get another shot at this thing tomorrow. So that's advice that if I would have grasped onto that 20 years ago, it probably would have saved me a tremendous amount of heartache and pain and and misfires so I'm going to try to make sure the next 20 years of my life are the best 20 years of my life.

Robert Plank 29:58 And now you're on track Got our listeners are on track. And that is very amazing and inspiring and we will see you at Allen Stein jr.com And thank you Alan for showing up and just sharing I feel like you shared like 20 podcast episodes worth it in one session, but I really appreciate it.

Unknown Speaker 30:13 My pleasure. This was fun.

Robert Plank 30:18 We really appreciate you being a listener of the marketer of the day Podcast the place to go right now, if you want to know more about running your own podcast is dF y podcast.com/free. Go there right now claim your free gift. DF why? podcast.com/free