1445: Thrive at Every Stage: Purpose, Service & Personal Growth with Entrepreneur and Award-Winning Author Rand Selig

Robert Plank 0:00 He turned decades of entrepreneurial grit, global leadership and personal growth into a blueprint for living fully at every stage of life. It's Rand Selig, and he's the author of the book thriving, which reveals how to build emotional health, purpose and deep connection, while redefining success on your own terms. This is the marketer of the day podcast with Robert plank. We're brought to you by D, F, y podcast.com where your podcast becomes your most powerful legacy building asset. But we're here to talk about how to struggle, or how to get over the struggle of what enough means to escape self sabotage, how to get the emotion back. Age Well, balance, live your legacy, all these things that we've heard about and we want and we're pursuing, and we'll achieve it thanks to RAND Selig, author of thriving, how to create a happier, healthier and more prosperous life. So Mister rank, glad to see it. Glad to be speaking with you. How the heck

Rand-Sellg 1:04 are you? Oh, Robert, thanks for having me as your guest. I'm delighted to be here. And you know, if, if I'm going to write this book, and I'm going to talk it to as many people as I can, I gotta be the poster child for this. So I'm very aware of who I am. I'm very aware of the pitfalls that I've gotten through, and so I am thriving, and I'm delighted to share not only my story, but my compass for doing that, because I think everybody can design their own life. Everybody can be the author of their own story.

Robert Plank 1:39 I love it, and I like this metaphor of the compass, because a compass points somewhere right with you. Can be in the wilderness, in the woods, like you have behind you, and it's beautiful. But if you don't have just that simple device, that's not even much to look at, right? It just points, but without that point in the right direction, you can be completely lost for days. They send the search and rescue you. You die of starvation or die of thirst, versus Hey, I get to my I get down the trail, I get back to civilization in an hour. And I'm always curious about, like, those ups and downs, because I feel like we all struggle with that. We all struggle with the it's not always easy, and we have to get through stuff. And I'm always just kind of struggling with, Okay, well, I want to be happy and I want to be positive, but I also want to be real and honest. So like, where have you come from? What have you struggled with and overcome?

Rand-Sellg 2:30 Well, I talk about in my book, I have had three major, major obstacles I've had to overcome. One is the relationship I had with my father. My father an amazing, amazing person. We buried him a year ago at Arlington National Cemetery. He fought in World War Two and Korea, War and Vietnam. Amazing person. The funeral and the memorial service two separate things. A huge number of people came and open mike. They said some amazing things, and they also knew who he was. They also made some jokes about his you know, his being a being a tough guy, but being his son was an a hard job because he was not very emotionally close to me or the rest of my family, my my sister, my my mother, and very demanding, kind of harsh. I don't know that he ever told me that he was proud of me and he would thank me and occasionally for things I did. But it was, it was tough, and so going through that decade after decade. It was kind of like old bull and new bull, you know, who's who's gonna go down and, you know, make the most of the pasture. And I finally said, This is not a winning recipe, and he's not going to change. He's not going to change. So if there's going to be a change in the relationship, guess what? It's going to be you. So I said, I'm I have broad enough shoulders I can do it. So what it meant was I had to listen to him. I had to respect him more, even if I had to listen to a story I'd heard many times before. Just listen in a different way. Listen harder, ask a better question about it, honor him for who he was, and it changed the relationship completely. He didn't, still didn't become really close to me, but it took away some of that negativity and actually learned a lot more about him. So when I actually got the phone call that he passed away, I was just wave after wave of gratitude for having that father.

Robert Plank 4:39 Very nice. You figured some things out, right? A lot of people, they go their whole lives just frustrated and like, kind of saying, Why won't this person change? Or, why am I so unhappy? Why is this so difficult? And as you're explaining this, what comes to mind is Bruce Lee says, Be like water, right? We're like water. It's, it's, it's a force, and it can change, and it can go a place, but all. Also if, if it hits the sand, it moves the sand, but if it hits that solid wall, well, why are you trying to move something that won't be moved? And like, I feel like you hear a lot about this, right about how, like, you know if, if you were a kid living in 1200 ad boy, you might get black plague or cholera or get massacred. And so it makes sense how, like, all these generations before us were kind of, like really harsh and mean and and blunt and direct and stay out of danger. But hopefully we're living in a more safe time. They're still dangerous, but it's not like you're not just going to get, you know, a tidal wave wipes out your whole village tomorrow, right? Hopefully we're in a more like civilized, enlightened time. And so what was that process like? Like, how many years did it take to like, to reach change your thinking and like, instead of like, you know, because you could have just, like, not talked to your your dad, you could have, like, fought with them. But how did you get to this conclusion of, like, hey, there's a gentler way to navigate

Robert Plank 5:58 this.

Rand-Sellg 5:59 Well, it took a very, very long time, I would say maybe as many, as much as 20 years of struggle, of kind of fighting. I mean, we never really fought in a ferocious way. We never did name calling or whatever. But it was just kind of a tension, a degree of unpleasantness. And I kept on thinking, I know there's something better, and it got to, you know, a point of, you know, a lot a lot more pain for me. And I said that this is, this is not right. So I think change happens sometimes, because there is so much going on, there's so much difficulty, so much pain. It's not like, okay, I can get through it. No, it's, it's too much. And that's the time when you say, Look, I'm going to get out of my little easy chair, I'm going to go over to the wall, I'm going to flip the switch and turn the light on and make that change. I have power. I have power. And I'm, I'm going to do that and it I'm going to try something different. You know, life is a series of experiments. Sometimes they work and sometimes they don't, but you got to be in the game. You got to try and so, fortunately, the set of things I did, and I'll share a little other story about this, I called up a friend of mine who's a counselor. And he I said, Hey, Eric, can I come over and talk to you? He says, Oh, you have another thing about your dad, right? Yeah, yeah, thank you. So I sat down with him, I told him the latest saga, and he said, here's what I recommend you do write a letter to the Father you wish you had the father you think you deserved, and talk about a weekend you just spent together, and how much fun you have, how many great conversations, and how you're looking forward to spending more time with him. And so I said, Wow, that's a great idea. So I wrote, I think it took me four drafts, because the first set of drafts were really angry. They were still kind of pointing the finger, and finally got to a different place in those letters. And of course, as the letter I did not send him. It was not necessary. It was really a letter for me to clarify my thinking, get a hold of my emotions about it. And at that point, then I had another father that I put on my shoulder. So I had the real father. And then I had this other father who was the father who saw me, who liked me, who who admired me, who told me marvelous things. And so that invention served me in great stead, and I recommend it to people do it too.

Robert Plank 8:50 Yeah, that sounds like a fun writing exercise, especially the making multiple drafts. Like, I don't know about you, but in education, like, when you especially like college and professors, you had to write like these, not like recommendation letters, but like feedback letters, right? You had to, like, fill out this piece of paper and be like, Hey, here's what I liked and didn't like about my professor this semester. And this one, he would pass them all out on, like, say, like Thursday, near the end of the semester. And we'd like everyone to write all the all these nasty things, because he was, like, a bad teacher. But then on Friday, he would then pass out, like the real form, so, like, the Thursday forms would go to him, and the Friday forms would go to the actual university. And the Fridays would be a lot nicer, because you just got all the rage out, or right, or, like, all the lizard brain suffer just the anger, and then the enlightened human underneath the next day, kind of cleared out all the stuff, and actually was more reasonable and logical, so that even just that alone, right? The idea of, like, you write something down, and you kind of write it again, do the repetition, and then it'll be simpler, clear to get it done. And I'm always, I'm a little dubious about some of those kind of the the imagine. Into of writing exercises. Because I think like, well, Will this really help? Will this be a waste of time? Will I be delusional about what that final output is? So like, did you, or I think, like, is that just kind of poo pooing the idea? So, did you ever, did you have any kind of like pushback with that sort of writing exercise idea?

Rand-Sellg 10:21 No, I was very committed to creating a better relationship, and I absolutely appreciated what Eric was proposing to me. So I'd write a draft, and I'd go, wow, wow. This, this is, this is not helping. This is not advancing this relationship. So I gotta work on some more. Look at, look at, look what I've said here. No, no. So I kept going and going, and they got better and better. And finally had one that I said, Yeah, this is, this is good. And, you know? And the thing is, Robert, and for your listeners, you know, there is research is now showing how important it is to write things down. You know, when we write things down, they get clearer and we retain them more. They're not just sort of swirling around in our head, and we're not just, you know, talking to somebody who's willing to listen about it. Writing it down is a huge device. It's a really important tool, whether it's journaling or whether it's this kind of thing. I was just talking about writing a letter understanding yourself. I've done a lot of writing about who I am, what I stand for, mistakes. I've made a real deep dive into that. And I have, I have those files, I have those records, and they're for me. They're not they're not, they're not something I'm going to share with my family or whatever. No need to. But it's just given me a lot of clarity, a lot of understanding, and I can connect dots in a way that I was not able to without actually writing them down and looking from one thing to another, very, very, very, very powerful.

Robert Plank 11:59 I agree, and I would maybe classify that idea in like many of the things we do as kids that we maybe that fall off as an adult, that we then have to rediscover, right? Having a diary, it's, it's kind of a young person thing to do, and you feel like any, any teenager keeps a diary. But then as an adult, many less of us do it because we're we tell ourselves we're so busy with work and obligations, like, when do I have time for me to write down my thoughts? Well, if you don't, your thoughts will be a swirl, like you're saying, right? You'll be sucking these same loops and telling yourselves these unhelpful stories. So get the words out. Work through the stuff. And what has that led to for you? I know that you're an entrepreneur. You've built companies? So in life, what have you accomplished?

Rand-Sellg 12:44 Oh, gosh, well, that's that's a very kind question. I've had a very full life because I've been very committed to being out there. Yet. Now I've served on 18 boards. I've been a scout master and a little league coach. I do a lot of environmental work, not on, not on boards and talking, blabbing, but actually rolling up my sleeves to do the work. Where the my wife and I have been for 15 years, the environmental stewards of our local Martian. My wife kicks me and says, you know, we pull weeds, you know, we take out the non native invasives. I said, Yep, that's, that's, that's what we do. But so I've done that. I built up a great company. I'm very pleased to say that it was just recently named the best investment banking in state of California, which is a huge thing. It's a big state, a big economy, and we did that because of an attitude of service. We didn't come into a client relationship saying, huh, how can we make some money here? Huh, how fast can we get this done so we can move on to the next thing? No, we have a proprietary approach to our mostly merger and acquisition business that starts with understanding our clients objectives, which is a gift to them, because in most cases, they don't really have clarity about that. And so for us to understand it, for them to understand then we can navigate and create a path that allows them to not only meet but hopefully exceed their expectations and do the right kind of transaction. And I'll give you a little quick example of that. You know, I've had a number of clients over the many years who say, Oh, I want to sell. And I say, Okay, well, great. I'm happy to talk to you about that, help you if I can, but tell me why you want to sell. And then they talk about a partner, a partner who was, you know, they started off as a co founder and dial for 10 or 15 years later, they were not enjoying each other's company. They were not contributing each other in the same way. And I said, Well, if we could resolve this issue with the partner, maybe buy them out, maybe repos. Position them, would you still want to sell the company? Oh, no, I wouldn't. I said, Well, how about if we work on that? And they're shocked, would you help me with that? I said, Absolutely, absolutely it. And they say, Yeah, but it's going to be a very different, much smaller fee. I said, That doesn't matter. So being, being of service, really focusing on objectives and having a very high standard for quality. Again, this isn't get it done fast and Cha Ching, this is about doing a great job. I've, as a result, I've not ever had to do any marketing. You know, all my old clients and the law firms and accounting firms that I've worked with, say, when somebody calls up and says, Hey, you know, there's a conversation about selling the company, so don't waste, don't waste your time with anybody else. Just get a hold rant that's huge.

Robert Plank 15:50 Yeah, yeah. So you're problem solving for others and and that's an energy I'm always looking to tap into, because, like, I feel like, if I don't deliberately, continuously on purpose, keep seeking that it falls away from me. Like, you know, some some mornings I'll wake up and I'll look on my calendar and I'll say, Oh, I have to do these meetings, I have to do these podcasts, I have to do these client calls. And the negativity sometimes creeps in the cracks, but then my antidote to that is to say, Well, who am I helping? Like, who are these conversations with people like, ran that I'm excited. And then who's our audience who then can benefit from that? And that's what, like, pulls you back of saying, Well, hey, it's about the people who are stuck. And you know, of course, I'm stuck in my own various ways, but other people are stuck in in way worse ways, and they're in these situations you're saying right where they're like, I've got to sell my company. It's not fun anymore. And and, man, if they just met you and had this meeting and they figured a different path, like their entire life, their future could change, their magic could come back. And we were just talking before we recorded about how, like, you're really excited about the string of podcasts you that you've been on recently. And so do you have anything to share with us about, just like keeping that magic alive, or discovering or rediscovering the magic? Because I feel like I need, like a, not like a huge supply, but I need a steady supply of seeking that enthusiasm somehow.

Rand-Sellg 17:19 Well, I do have a number of answers that, because that is such a huge question. And, you know, all of us struggle. I I've yet to meet a person. I've met lots and lots of 1000s and 1000s of people in in my life. You know, everybody struggles at some point, life is complicated and it's nothing. There's no such thing as a smooth thing. There's always a pothole that emerges, maybe sometimes at the very worst time. So, yeah, there are a number of things here. I have to start with purpose. If you understand, you have a purpose, and purpose doesn't have to be this giant headline grabbing thing. You know, purpose is something you create. It's not something you find. Purpose doesn't have to be, you know, a giant thing. It can be just basic, like being a certain kind of person, like being kind, being a good listener, those kinds of things very committed to. At the end of the day, purpose boils down to just being committed to something that you think, you think matters.

Robert Plank 18:22 I like that.

Rand-Sellg 18:22 So having purpose, write it down. It's not as if it's a, you know, one time only purpose throughout your life. You know, I've had probably five or six different purposes. And you know, every so many years, maybe I don't know, every four or five years I look at it, I spend some alone time with my purpose. And sometimes I change a word, or I add something, I say, you know, that's that's past. I don't need that, you know, to sort of anchor me anymore. I'm going to, I'm going to replace it with something else. So purpose is just, it's just nutrition. It's just huge. And, you know, some people say that they they write it down, they type it up in big thing, and they put it somewhere. They're going to see it every day in the morning, or, you know, at their desk, wherever they say, that's my purpose, and it can be a guide again, kind of like the compass thing to how you're navigating. Are you going to spend time with people who are distracting, people who are kind of negative, to people who are in the way of your purpose. Well, pay attention to that. Notice that another big thing, and it's a it's an everyday thing, but it's a kind of simple thing. Pay attention to the words you're using. You know, are you saying, for example, I have to or are you saying, I get to a whole shift to being grateful for something. Are you saying I should, or are you saying I could? Are you saying yes, but you hold up your hand well, which means you're kind of only listening to part of what was being said. Are you saying yes to and. End, which is a much more inclusive thing. Are you saying I'm busy? Are you saying I'm delightfully scheduled? So these are all, these are all words. And everybody has words that they're kind of floating around their head, and they use frequently, and just have to look at those words. Are they serving you? Are they? Are they, you know, propelling you forward, they give you enthusiasm and energy, or are they shrinking it and getting you stuck?

Robert Plank 20:30 Hmm, such a simple idea, but overlooked by many people. Right of pay attention, especially to yourself, the words you think, the word you say, and then write these things down, that way, this purpose and these habits can repeat and reinforce and ideally grow over time. And I really like what you said there about that purpose idea, because I've heard of that, but I haven't done it right. The whole like, Think and Grow Rich idea of like, you know, write out your plan and have it up on the wall. And I just, I I'm unkind to myself in that way, because I say, Oh, I haven't done that. And I think that I get image intimidated by these people with a huge purpose, right? Like, I met a podcast guest who said he wants to take all the plastic out of the oceans. I'm like, you're insane in a good way. Or I saw something this morning with this guy said, like, no one should have to pay for housing as his purpose. I'm like, I can't measure up to that. Like it's so huge and it's so unattainable that there's no connection to it. But I like how you say your purpose can just be to be a good listener and just just start small, start there, and then if you outgrow it, or you want to enlarge it, then you can, but at least that way, you're sticking to something, and you say that the purpose of your purpose, so to speak, is then when things come your way, you can sort them out and say, Is this a distraction? Is this a personal waste of time? Or is this someone who can help me and I can help them? Is this someone on my path or not on my path? And it's just, it's such a simple concept, and especially the way you put it, but it needs to be said. And we only have a few minutes left in our conversation, but you're the star of the show, Mr. Ransling, and I want to make sure that we get to what's important to you. So in this conversation we're having, is there a missing question that I should be asking you? I just don't know to ask you.

Rand-Sellg 22:19 Well, I want to unpack a little bit what thriving is, because it's a word that's used a lot. And I think in general, people have a sense of what it is. We've talked about being the author of your own story, and you know, you can design your own life. Those are really anchoring things. Basically, it boils down to you being having the power we have. Enormous amount of power, each of us to make choices, choices about how we spend our time, who we spend our time with, our habits. Take a look at the good ones as well as the bad ones and our feelings. Choices about feelings. Are you, for example, choosing to be positive? Are you choosing to be cynical and frustrated and angry. These are all choices. This leads to in in this, the way I lay out my book, there's four really important elements to thriving. One is thriving personally, which is building character and having gratitude, and, you know, managing your financial affairs well. So group of those that's so foundational is half my book, actually. But then you go to thriving with others, having built in the first part of thriving personally, you know, a great relationship with yourself, then you can build relationships with others, and you can also take a look at in in my work, am I a manager, or am I a leader? They're very different kinds of things, and they have different skills and different kinds of tasks that are involved with those then I talk about thriving out in the world, which means being a service. You know John Wooden, a great basketball coach, you can never have a perfect day without doing something for someone else, without any reciprocity. We also have to take care of mother earth, very important. It's up to us. And then fourth part of thriving is thriving by moving ever forward in life. And it doesn't matter whether you're in your 30s or you're in their 70s or 80s. You know, moving forward means being curious. Being a lifelong learner, you're changing, and the world around you is changing. So you got to do these things. Being curious makes life fun. You're gaining wisdom again, something you can write down understand. What is your wisdom? I've met people in their 20s. I've talked to high school kids, and I'm just amazed at what they have to say. There's some wisdom there. Even at that age that's great. Wisdom accumulates over time. So just understand the wisdom you have and then commit to being the best person you can be. I. They, you know, evolving with soul. You know, figure out the parts of you that are that are not as good as they could be in. You know, take them on.

Rand-Sellg 25:08 Take them on.

Robert Plank 25:09 Very nice. It sounds like life's instruction manual, basically. And there's a thing called the the Kardashev scale, where they say, like, look the way humanity is evolving. You get to, like, a level one, where you're using up all the energy on the planet, then you move out to, like the solar system, then you kind of colonize the galaxy, and it's like, one thing builds or the other. And then once you've harnessed all every all the energy of every star in the entire galaxy, well now what's it all mean? And then it's like, then it's time to look inward and be like, Well, what did I build all this for? And that's kind of a metaphor that comes to mind when you say, Hey, you work on yourself, you figure out your emotions, you figure out your money, you figure out these relationships. Then you move on to something bigger, on how you can help the planet and how you can help the young people. And it's just like, most people won't even get off the launch pad, right? They're just, they're too busy going day to day. They wonder why they're so angry or frustrated, and that's why they need this book thriving, how to create a healthier, happier and more prosperous life. That way you can help others age well. Take care of yourself, take care of others. I think it's a wonderful message. And as far as someone taking some next steps here and getting thriving. Where should they go? Are you the kind of guy that says, go to Amazon, go to the website? What's the next steps?

Rand-Sellg 26:30 Yeah, yeah. My book is everywhere, which is good. It's, it's very popular book, but I think it's, it's easiest just to go to my book website, which is Rand salik.com there's information about me, if you're not convinced already, there's some phenomenal testimonials with the head of Kaiser Permanente, amongst many, many other people. You can read about what the book is, is all about, and how it's structured. There's you can download 40 of my favorite quotes from the book. The book has a lot of quotes, and people my readers say they love where they're positioned to amplify a point. Some are humorous. Some are very philosophical. There's additional content that I put in recently for my audio book readers. Since the audio book is coming up pretty soon, and you can connect with me. If you want to give me some feedback. You agree with something. You want some clarity. You want to invite me into your book group. You want to invite me to come for a session with your company or your organization, your school, there's a way to connect and make the invitation there. And of course, on every page, you can click the button and buy either, you know, any number places, Barnes and Noble Amazon, whatever.

Robert Plank 27:51 Very cool, very amazing. And so that is randsaleig.com R, A, N, D, S, E, L, I, g.com, it's one of the most impressive book websites I've ever seen. And you can imagine, I'm a podcast host, and usually it's just like, hey, here's my book. Here's a cover. Check it out. But like, yeah, like, you say, even if someone says, Well, I'm not sure about the book itself, they can get the quotes. And then sometimes this or that quote gets stuck in your head, and then you're like, oh my gosh, I can't get him out of my head. I have to get the whole entire book, which is thriving, how to create a healthier, happier and more prosperous life. Who doesn't want that, right? Who's saying, I want a less healthy, less prosperous life? We all want to be happy and fulfilled and help others. So it's a positive thinking book by Rand salig. Go to randsailig.com and you said that you're you're full of quotes, right? The book is full of quotes, and that's how I like to end a podcast by asking me about a fun quote or lesson that has served my podcast guest. So what comes to mind for you, as far as a conversation capper for us, what is one of these quotes or lessons you feel like passing on to us?

Rand-Sellg 29:02 Well, if I may, Robert, I'm going to read two. I'm going to read the quote from man and Superman. George Bernard Shaw, this is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one, the being a force of nature. Instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy, I want to be thoroughly used up when I die for the harder I work, the more I live, I rejoice in life for its own sake, life is no brief candle to me. It is a sort of splendid torch with which I've got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations. The very last quote in the book and the only one. That I wrote is, could this coming year be the best year of your life thus far? What would it take to make it be?

Rand-Sellg 30:10 So

Robert Plank 30:13 that's a powerful question to ask ourselves, not quickly or simply answered, but we get ourselves incepted with that right we put the question in there. We get to the journal, and get to the introspection, the writing exercises that inner work, and if you say, Oh, well, I can't rise above my negativity, well that's exactly why you need this book, right? Because many times we've been infected by an idea or someone's book or someone's way of thinking, and maybe we resisted it at first, but they broke us down, and that's exactly what will happen when you go to ransa league.com and you click and order the book, thriving, how to create a healthier, happier and more prosperous life. So go and do it right now. Get the book and you'll be amazed. You'll be excited. Your life will change by just learning and absorbing some of these lessons thriving, how to create a healthier, happier and more prosperous life. By Mr. Ran saylig And thank you, Mr. Ran for showing up, stopping by and just giving us this life wisdom. I'm glad that you were here

Rand-Sellg 31:13 now, Robert, it's been absolutely my pleasure. Thank.