932: Sales Made Easy: Serve Others and Sell With Empathy, Value, and Service with Harry Spaight

Robert Plank 00:00 Hi. And welcome back to the podcast. We're here with Harry Spacey. He's a leading keynote speaker, author, sales consultant. He's achieved remarkable success in sales. And he has a book called selling with dignity, and a host of the sales made easy podcast. So Harry, nice to meet you. And did I pronounce your last name correctly? You're gonna get a completely wrong.

Unknown Speaker 00:24 No, you did a heck of a job. So a great job so far, Robert.

Robert Plank 00:27 All right. Well, thank you, I love your praise, great first impression and tell you about yourself. Tell me what has you fired up turned on and what's your passion these days,

Unknown Speaker 00:35 my passion is helping people to succeed in selling, sometimes that's selling themselves. But I believe that life is sales. And I want to help people to be better, more successful in selling both themselves and for their business. So that's what that's what gets me fired up.

Robert Plank 00:53 And I love that. And that's one of those those harsh adulting life lessons that you have to sell yourself. And you always hear that cliche about if you do a resume or you go into a job interview, I have to be maybe not lie, but be like, you know, 10% 20%, put your best foot forward, because everyone else is going to do that too. And if you if you're humble, or you're shy, or you're hesitant, then you won't stand out. And so there's that that necessity of like stepping up to the plate and being your best self. And then also, when you mentioned selling, there's all these just all these kind of mindsets again into about how important it is to like follow up and it might take six or nine or 12 Follow up just for someone to even pay attention to you. So that's just what my first impression is. When you say sales is everything that you need to be doing in order to get out there. So what is kind of your, your message? Or what's your thesis behind this, like you said like selling is really important. But what where people stuck and kind of what's your message these days?

Unknown Speaker 01:55 Man, you're just set the table so nicely there, Robert, but yes, you know, if we think about sales, we have been selling since we came out of the womb, our first sale was to get close to mama. And then from then on, we've been selling we sold as toddlers, we let we let our parents know what we liked what we wanted. And it just went on throughout life where we negotiated, we learned how to play the room, so to speak, we learned when mom or dad was in a good mood, when not to approach them and when to approach them. This is all selling so when people say which drives me crazy, because they you know, step all over themselves and say, Well, I'm not very good in sales. But look where you are in life. And a lot of that is because she's sold others, and you're selling yourself. So I believe most people are really good at sales, they just don't give themselves the credit that they deserve. So I want to help those people, not the ones that have already made millions of dollars and just say, you know, I can help you double your business like that. No, I want to help people who are struggling with the concept and want to be better and just don't realize the power that they have. So that's the mission, if that makes sense. It does

Robert Plank 03:13 that we are selling, we just haven't realized it. But if you're doing something successfully, and you're not having that awareness, then it's very hit or miss sometimes you lucked out, and the sale in whatever context works in your favor. But other times you say, but I thought I did that the correct way. I thought I try really hard. Why did that not work out? And so when so you've put up this book, you put up this podcast, you've helped people, do you have any fun stories that come into mind as far as one of these kind of diamonds in the rough, so to speak, that you're mentioning where someone says, I don't think I'm selling, I don't believe in selling them? And you said, Well, hang on, let me help you. Is there any sort of before and after that comes to mind as far as someone you've helped?

Unknown Speaker 04:01 Yeah, I mean, I think of this one person who is helping authors to write this collaboration. And she was pretty down on herself about, you know, this isn't working, right. And when I first started speaking to her, she says, Well, my goal was to get 15 people to do this. And I said, Well, how many do you have so far? And she said to and one of them's not real steady? Well, she ended up getting 18 people to help in this collaboration. So it's a mammoth success. And we go from that where it was almost nobody to 18 people, which was all believing in herself. And to me, that's the most important thing is when you believe that you can do something and get it done and make it happen and good things will happen when you can do that. So yeah, that's one of my favorites, and that just happened recently.

Robert Plank 04:56 Well, awesome. And that's an important reminder that say you wanting to accomplish something. And if you don't believe in even the thing you're doing, there's, there's almost a 0% chance that you'll just happen into it. And then there's that whole idea of, well, your choices are that, like, let's say you, you don't believe in yourself, but then you somehow succeed. Well, that's very unlikely. But say you believe in yourself and you do succeed. That's the ideal situation. But then even if you believe in yourself, and you fall short and have to readjust, then that's still okay. So when I think of those possibilities, it's like, why not be positive? Why not be optimistic, it doesn't mean that you're being delusional, but it is good to have a goal. And it is good to have that, like that daily refreshing pressure of saying like, Okay, I need to kind of AMP myself up again, just to like, just to stay on track. Just stay on target.

Unknown Speaker 05:50 Yeah, it's definitely true. You have to be somewhat I mean, this is all where emotional intelligence comes in. Most people think of emotional intelligence and myself included, is that we think about how we communicate with others, and understand them, and is it a good time to approach them? And what would be good to say at this point, or how they need to hear have a listening ear. But the huge part, the first X STEP of emotional intelligence is really understanding yourself. And self motivation is crucial in a lot of things in life, right? Because otherwise we give up, we quit, things aren't going as well. He said, Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be, and all kinds of things we sell ourselves on it. But if we really want something, and we have to think internally, it's like, well, what am I going to do if things don't go perfectly? And will I be able to overcome some obstacles that are going to come my way, because they're going to come our way. So if we have the wherewithal to understand that this is not the end of the world, this is just one of those tests in life that we just have to continue to endure, we're going to look for the, you know, the solution around here. Sometimes it's just putting your nose to the grindstone, so to speak, and just working our way through it, and then answers will come. But knowing yourself is crucial. And that's self awareness, knowing that I've got to be self motivating, to some degree, it's great to read books, and have all that, but we've got to eventually pick up the ball and run with it, so to speak,

Robert Plank 07:27 emotional intelligence, self awareness, know yourself and be self motivating. And while you're making me think of is literally just 10 minutes ago, I, my wife, my son, and my wife were downstairs, and I started cooking breakfast for myself. And I realized, oh, I have a podcast in 10 minutes. And I really thought to myself for a second. I'm like, you know, maybe I should just not show up or, you know, send an email to Harry and tell him I can't make it. But then I thought to myself, well, why why flake in that way? Why not just put breakfast aside? Do the podcasts go back and finish breakfast? I thought to myself, it sets a bad precedent for the rest of the day. And is it really that hard of a thing to do show up to the podcast, have a quick conversation, promote Harry and his book and what he has going on? And then be done with it? And it's like, so what comes to mind in that? And what you said a minute ago is perspective, right? And perspective can kind of go both ways. So perspective can be I had this big, this thing I have to do well, is it really that much work versus Well, this really bad failure happened? Or I'm trying to sell slots in my compilation book, and I only have two? Is it really that big of a failure? And so it seems like with this emotional intelligence and knowing yourself, and you can kind of slide that scale and say, well, by having my perspective out of whack, is that holding me back?

Unknown Speaker 08:54 Yeah. Well, I love what you're saying the I'm just reading this book called The Ultimate coach that someone suggested I read. And in it, the author talks about how most of us, we think we're awesome at keeping our word, just as you described, it is so easy, right? If we were in a room, and asked if some speaker asked, well, how many people are good at keeping the word, probably everyone raise their hand, right? We all think we're really good at keeping our word. But we make all kinds of excuses. And we've frequently don't keep our word, right, whether it be a commitment, you name. So interestingly enough, this one person who is in this book was talking about oh, yeah, I was just thinking I was like, 90%, no, one's 100%. And his coach suggests is like, Well, why don't you keep track over the next week? And at the end of the week, he says, Yeah, I keep my word probably about 20% of the time. And it's just, it's just, if you think through it, it's like all the commitments we make to ourselves and to other people. That it's so easy. To cancel, postpone reschedule show up late, hey, we got delayed, we come up with all kinds of excuses. And I'm just as guilty. As someone said, Hey, you have a hard time keeping your word. I was like, What are you talking about? But once I read that, it's like, I need to reevaluate how good I am at keeping my word. So that's sometimes is a good place to start is looking in the mirror is that was your thought about

Robert Plank 10:26 it? Yeah, it is to track that and to have that insight, and not have the insight to get down on yourself. But just to say, Okay, well, if I only keep my word 20% of the time, then maybe I can bump that up to 40 or 50%. And just to know that, that maybe the things that I think about myself might be inaccurate, and then you measure it, and you know where you're at, and then you know, where you can improve from there. And so kind of along those lines of bettering yourself and emotional intelligence, if someone is says, say they're shy, or introverted, or that's what they tell themselves, and they say to you, well, like, I can't do sales, that's not me. What do you say in response to that?

Unknown Speaker 11:06 I'd ask if they have any friends. And if they have friends that they're good at, they can have conversations. And because people are not necessarily like they are, they are more prone to be successful than ever, I think, because nobody wants to be sold anymore. We don't want to be told a bunch of things. We don't want, you know, someone to put pressure on us. So the very fact that you can be servant minded, Be quiet, be a good listener, make a couple of suggestions when the time is right, ask for the order when that time is right, or ask for the next step, which is, you know, love what James beer says in a perfect close, which is a great book, and he talks about what, you know, a great next step would be and how to ask that. So the person who is an introvert, think about that you're already speaking with people, you already care, you're already good listener, now, we just have to tweak a couple of things. And you'll be off to the races, so to speak, I might not, you know, depends on who the what type of person they are and what they suggest. But if they're running their own business, it's like, look, these little incremental improvements can go a long ways. And that's doing more than what you're doing today is going to help and if you get comfortable those things, like asking for the business, not being self deflating, and self, whatever the word is, right, where you're self defeating, but look to serve, and be a good listener, and be supportive. And you'll get business, just sadly, lacking in sales today.

Robert Plank 12:49 helpful advice that if you're introverted or shy, or whatever that is, then you you kind of have your own personality. And there are aspects of that personality that you can incrementally improve in sort of a compound interest sort of way. And maybe it also seems like you to tap into your strengths, to not if you're not an aggressive person, or you're not that type of personality, if you're a listener, or someone who asked questions, then tap into that. And something that I found really interesting about salespeople in general, is that they're good about having these aha was about the reframing or about, like phrasing words differently, right that like maybe someone says, like, like this word that just totally kills it, but then instead, maybe phrase it in like more of a gentle way, so as not to kill their sales. And so Does anything come to mind along those lines? As far as like, in selling? Is there a phrase or a word or things people say that maybe they should say more, or they shouldn't say anything coming to mind?

Unknown Speaker 13:55 Yeah, I mean, there's a whole bunch, but one just jumps out right away is when people say, when they're listening, they say, I totally understand. Okay, so this is not what we think we're doing ourselves a great surface by saying, and for the person that's speaking, that we totally understand. But we really don't, because we're not them. And so when we instead of saying, I totally understand, just say something along the lines, like I'm listening, I'm here for you. But when we say I'm totally under, like, I mean, think about the people that say to you, and you know, they're not they don't understand, right? It's like, I can think of an example might be is like you can say well, I just lost my uncle, my favorite uncle. And then someone's foolishly says, Well, yeah, I had a friend pass away three years ago, and I know exactly what you're thinking. It's like, No, you don't know the relay. should ship. And I don't know, I don't even want to get into that about what your friend is like, but I'm me, and I have these emotions. And now you just basically minimized it by saying you totally understand what the situation that may not be comparable. So instead of saying that, just say you're listening, I'm here for you, and just look at the person and be and, you know, show your emotion, right, that you can relate. And that is so much better than saying, you know, my dog died. And so I totally understand. Right? Yeah, and this

Robert Plank 15:36 just will just when you mention that, like, like, three, three different scenarios came into my head of just like that, like one thing from five years ago, and from 10 years ago, thing, specific situations where it even made me angry, you think back about it, right? Where it's like, oh, my dad died. And they said, Oh, I know, I know how you feel my dog died. It's like, no, no, don't don't get into that. And you're making me think of, there was a situation even last week, where there was there was some lady who was kind of stressed out about her marriage and was like, kind of unloading all these things on me. And I mean, he and I kind of I listened. And I didn't say anything, or I didn't say very much other than, like, I care. I didn't say understand, I just said, you know, kind of I empathize. And I was thinking that 10 years ago, I would have jumped in with all these opinions. Right? What I would have said, You should do this. And I think that, and I had some thoughts, but I was like, what is it even my place to intrude to get into their boundary? And to mess them up? And it won't even help? Right? It'll, it will just frustrate me, anger her, and then even kind of damage their relationship a little bit? And anyone who am I, I'm just some kind of like a business coach for her in a sense. So why would I even be jumping in with any kind of advice that she might even take and might even mess up her marriage, and then I'd be responsible for that. So even you saying that just makes me think like, there's so many, so many, like delicate situations like that, where we just need to be more careful about what we say. And you might jump into saying, I totally understand. But that that could just be the one thing that just like, angers the person and ruins the relationship and ends the sales conversation. And so there are many things like this that we need to maybe be aware of, and there's a million ways to go wrong. And that's okay. It's just, you know, over time, kind of be drip fed these little areas where you might be messing up. And so that's where a book and a podcast really helps, right? If someone picks up a copy of selling with dignity, and tunes into sales made easy, so that way, they get kind of that continuous education. They don't get a firehose of all these things that they don't know just over time, every week or so they can say, oh, yeah, I am doing that, or I am seeing that need to be better. So can you tell us all about what is selling with dignity about and what is sales made easy about?

Unknown Speaker 18:04 Okay, so selling with dignity, and I appreciate all of your thoughts. Yeah, I totally agree with what you described.

Robert Plank 18:12 You totally understand. Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally

Unknown Speaker 18:15 understand. But I've been there, right. So, you know, sometimes we think about all the answers we want to provide, and people are telling us these things, because they want answers. But the reality is they want someone to listen to them. Right? So it's not sometimes you can, you're married, I heard you mentioned the food that you're cooking. And I'm thinking about when I was newly married, and even newly married for 20 years. You know, my wife would say something, I was great at giving some kind of response. And she'd say, I'm not looking for answers. It's fine. They Okay, after 30 years, like to finally figure that out and say, so you're not really looking for an answer. You just want me to listen, right? Or something along those lines. So the the book selling with dignity is really to help people to think through a lot of the things that you're talking about. And it's, it's filled with stories. So basically, any chapter whether it be, you know, someone saying you're too nice to be in sales, or asking for the business, or how sense of humor can work in sales. It's basically I take 2526 topics that I feel are very helpful to be halfway decent at in sales. And so a person can kind of look at, you know, what is the challenge and it might say, Well, I'm having trouble closing the deal, so to speak. That's why everyone goes, but it's not, we can't there's no magic, right? If someone says they've got this magical close, that's when you need to run, because they're also going to put hair on my head. And if you're just not seeing me, that's not a pretty picture, right? So there's no magic, it's doing the right thing. It takes time. And when people are in the market and they have a problem, they recognize that you're the person that's going to help solve that. That's when you can ask for the order. But if they don't believe it's you, they don't believe your product is the answer. You know, you can ask all kinds of trick questions all day long. But it's not going to lead into a real sale. So that's the book. And then the podcast is I interview entrepreneurs and sales experts, trying to get ideas, thoughts, challenges that they've had an experience and help them to be relatable to others so that they can look and listen and say, Yeah, I'm going through that now. So lots of great stories, lots of inspiration, and, you know, some sales ideas that should be helpful for any listener.

Robert Plank 20:49 Sounds amazing. And I get, I love how when a book has stories, what that look like kind of make these different points, it really helps us sick, because again, when I when I was younger, and maybe arrogant, I thought, well, I don't need all these sort of long winded stories. But then now that I'm older and wiser, I realized that, well, I'll be in a different mindset or a different stage in my growth. So I don't like just the facts, and just the information might not hit exactly right for me. But when I get these stories, then it kind of takes down my defenses. And then the story sticks in my memory longer than just the facts and figures so that the story really like drives the point home and gets more embedded to me. And then that way, I remember the lesson as opposed to like memorizing, like a list or an acronym or something like that. So it's great that you have stories in your book, and then stories in these interviews with these experts in these podcasts. So that way, we can be at the top of our game and not be so stressed out and overwhelmed with the selling thing that we've said we all have to do it if you're not selling then you're probably just living in a box not having any friends not having any interactions and and no money and no work in anything. So we're all communicating and selling. But Gone are the days of being a super aggressive telemarketer door to door now that we have Zoom video, face to face, social media, etc. Then we can tap into this emotional intelligence and be more empathetic and feel and listen everything that goes with that. So if you out there in podcast land, or someone that says I want to do more and be more and have more than get the selling with dignity book and tune into the sales made easy podcast so Harry, how can people find these things? What's the URL? What's the website to get the book and to get into the podcast

Unknown Speaker 22:43 selling with dignity.com has it all and your listeners can download a free preview of the book few chapters when they click on the book section of the website. So it's selling with dignity.com

Robert Plank 22:57 Fabulous selling with dignity.com and because we're on a podcast and dignities a tricky word that's D I G and i t y selling with dignity.com and as we're signing off on our conversation here, Harry you're a podcaster so you're good at thinking on your feet. Do you have any ideas about a profound statements to end our conversation? is there advice you wish you gotten 20 years ago? Other than that marriage thing we mentioned earlier? Or is there like a fun quote or lesson that's really stuck with you anything you feel like sharing just to really drive the point home?

Unknown Speaker 23:33 Yeah, I I've just really been buying into this one is the army is not coming. So we have to do it ourselves. We have to do the heavy lifting. And if you can just think about well, I'm gonna wait until I got more knowledge this and that. Just say you know the armies that coming. I'm gonna have to do it. I mines will start today. And I just, I looked at myself and whatever I'm doing, and I'm like, this is horrible. What am I doing? And it's like, yeah, yarn is that common, so you better figure it out. So happy to share that one.

Robert Plank 24:13 We really appreciate you being a listener of the marketer of the date Podcast the place to go right now. If you want to know more about running your own podcast is dF y podcast.com/free. Go there right now claim your free gift. DF why? podcast.com/free