1298: Ball of Fire Coaching: Escape the Corporate Grind and Build Killer Leadership Skills Without the Burnout with Executive Coach Bernadette Boas

Robert Plank 0:04 Hey, we're here, and we're back on the podcast with Miss Bernadette Boas. And if you're someone who's burned out over the piles of work that you have, and you need to develop your people, if your employees are demanding more and more and you're not sure how to support them, then you are exactly in the right place. Bernadette Boas is here. Her website is Ball of Fire coaching com. She's all about executive coaching and training for corporate professionals, teams and HR leaders. And her very excellent book is called shedding the corporate B, I, T, C, H, shifting your bitches to riches in life and business. So we're going to have a lot of fun. We're going to find out about these lessons, tips and advice from aspiring corporate women who erroneously believe that Manning up and becoming a B, I, T, C, H, in order to achieve career success, that is valuable, if maybe there's another way to do it, to be driven to be aggressive, demanding, brash, and get things done and help people and make money and everything that goes along with that. So Bernadette, glad to be speaking with

Bernadette Boas 1:08 you. Nice to talk to you, too. Robert, how are you?

Robert Plank 1:11 I am fabulous now that I'm talking to you. And what did I leave out in introducing you there? What's your core essence? What has you excited these days.

Bernadette Boas 1:22 Well, what has me excited is the fact that there is a lot of stress and anxiety and such limited time in the people that are working their tails off, you know, whether it is corporate or entrepreneurial, and, you know, I kind of come in and I really just try to help them keep their sanity, get focused, and it's really exciting to see when they do kind of clear all the the dirt or and all the junk, you know, away from their eyes and their heart and their in their brain, that they get so much clarity and so much focus and So much productivity out of themselves and their people, which just makes them so much happier and so much more capable of living a full life. And that's what we all want, is just to live a full life. Yes,

Robert Plank 2:13 of course we do. So it seems like your multi step process you laid out so far is first, clear out the gunk, clear out all the extra stuff, empower your people, get your productivity reconfigured, and, you know, figured out, and then get more done. And that way you can become happier and feel more like you're headed in a direction, instead of just treading water spinning your wheels. Wheels, you pick whatever metaphor. And so what does this look like? If someone is stressed out, are there any particular like phrases or keywords? Someone says to you, do they say these things, like, I'm burnt out, or I'm stressed out, or spread too thin, like, what's the before picture look like?

Bernadette Boas 2:53 Well, it comes in two different angles. One comes from and typically, the work that I do. Oftentimes I'm brought in because their manager or someone in HR or someone else in the organization has observed that their stress, their anxiety, is being projected in a very abrasive or negative or not productive way, and therefore their people are just as stressed and just as anxious as well. And they just want them to kind of clear it. They want them to kind of shift their mindset, shift their the way that they're looking at their workload, shift the way that they're engaging with their people. So that will be one angle. The other angle is when I do have them come to me directly, or in that initial conversation that we have, they will talk about the fact that they are just overworked. They have no free time. You know, personally or professionally, they are kind of stressed in regards to just having to deal with people, because a lot of managers slash leaders, they don't recognize the amount of effort it takes to really be a people leader. And so it can be exhausting, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. And therefore, you know, they will express stress uncertainty. They'll even, they'll even express insecurity and uncertain, you know, and doubt about what it is that they're doing and how they're going about it.

Robert Plank 4:35 Ooh, okay, so it's, it seems like a lot of many possible problems, and you're saying sometimes it's external, or sometimes it's internal, right? Sometimes there's the projection. Other people are saying, hey, this bad behavior is being passed on. And other people say, you know, I'm exhausted with this effort that you say it takes to be a good people person. And so how do we break out of our patterns? Here? Here, because, like, it's easy to make excuses, isn't it? It's easy to say, Oh, well, I'm not naturally a people person. Well, then maybe learn some skills. Well, it's so exhausting, kind of, you know, re revisiting my people and making sure they're okay. Well, that's kind of what you're there and assigned to do. And so like, what, what do you do? As far as working to solve this problem. People say, you know, I know that I need to do something different. I know I need help. Something needs to change. What's the starting point?

Bernadette Boas 5:27 The starting point is internal. The starting point is within that person. You know, what are the experiences they've had in their in their past? That's kind of set, this mode of operation that they're in, what, what kind of encounters or emotions are driving the fact that they would prefer just maintaining their individual contributor activity as opposed to a people management, people coaching and development activity. So it really starts from within them, as far as you know, where, what are their priorities? What is it that they really are working their little tail off to achieve and why? Why is it important to them? So a lot of it is first, they have to start with themselves, even before they get to okay, you know, then I'll sit there and say, here's some tools, here's some tips. This is what I want you to practice. This is what I want you to go read. This is what I want you to be doing for the next, you know, week or two weeks before we meet again, to kind of put things into, you know, into motion. Um, they they initially, have to figure out what is holding me up, what is getting in my way. Why am I making excuses? You know? So what are those things in my past that kind of created a pattern, created a belief, created a fear. That doesn't necessarily mean it's real, but at the same time, it's ingrained a behavior or a pattern within them that they have to break, and so we gotta, we have to find what those are, so then they can see them very clearly,

Robert Plank 7:10 very nice. Well, it seems there's a lot of psychology going on here, right? There's like, the the this, this pattern from the past, and it's pushing us in this kind of inertia and making us just like, continuing all this, these bad behaviors, which, like, it's just uncomfortable enough to survive, and just bad enough where now they're approaching you and saying, like, hey, if I, if I keep doing this, I'll keep getting these same results. And so it seems like we need to do this somewhat painful, deep introspection and say, Hey, like, I've got these goals, right? I want my team to work together. I can't continue in this way. It's not assuming sustainable. So I have to change my course a little bit, because otherwise this, this won't work, right? I'll quit. I'll get fired. We won't meet our deadlines. And so to help us kind of understand the real nitty gritty, like it's, it's been great so far to get a feeling of what you do, and kind of think in terms of, like the theoretical, but I love hearing about the actual stories, right, the actual people that you've helped. So has anything come to mind, as far as an interesting story of someone who you kind of work this transformation with and made things a whole lot better? Yes,

Bernadette Boas 8:19 well, I'll give you my very quick story first, because it's everything that I use to show and prove to others that they can change that if they're here and it's not working for them and they're miserable or unhappy or just feeling stuck, they can shift. So I was basically in a head space of great negativity, great angst. I felt a lot of insecurity and feelings of intimidation while I was in my corporate career, although I was at a C level position, and I projected that in a very abrasive, a very defensive, very loud way and that hence my book, you know that you had mentioned earlier, and you know the minute I started recognizing that, the minute I started realizing I could lose the goals and the aspirations I had for myself, I thought, well, I need to change something. And so I started looking for the tools. I started doing the internal work, I started really facing myself in the mirror as what, and what I call confrontation, but confronting myself in the mirror to really say this isn't working. You need to change this, and finding the ways to change it. So I take all of that and actually it's you talked about a process. I have a process called shift to riches. My shift to riches formula, which is a five step process. You have to discover what is going on, what you want, what you don't want, what's working, what's not you. You confront all of those things, good, bad and ugly. You work to shed them, get rid of them, keep what you. Want, get you know and what's working, and then you go and create and accelerate the new things that are that you now want because of the changes you're making. So since 2012 2010 time frame, the clients have ranged from those individuals that were a mirror image of me, kind of what someone might call a corporate tyrant, someone might call A, B, I, T, C, H, you know, someone a bully, boss, and helping them to really, kind of first relate the fact that, hey, I'm with you. I'm, you know, this is a safe space. I've been there. I've done that, and so can you, and walking them through that internal excavation of your soul, as I call it, to really dig into you know what they're all about and what they really, truly want, even though they may have not never acknowledged it for themselves. And then walking them through that, those five steps, and I have seen, I've had clients who have gone from they're about to be walked out the door unless things change to where, like, a year, 18 months later, they're getting, you know, advanced, they're getting promoted, they're getting recognized. And, you know, it's slower to change people's perceptions, but at the same time, eventually they get the people that have had issues with them before saying, I see you, I recognize you're making these changes, and you know, you're doing a great job keep it up, type of thing. And then I've had clients even in the last three or five years, who also they're not necessarily in that category of difficult, you know, leaders. They just have challenges to be a people manager. And therefore, once they really understand the priorities that they have and that's being put on them, plus what they their priorities are, and how to work those two things together, because that can cause a lot of conflict. My priority is a, but my company's priority is B, and they don't necessarily match up. Once we work through to ensure that they those two things can live with each other, then they are making tremendous strides in regards to looking at their workload, looking at their team's workload, prioritizing, delegating, making better decisions, strategic thinking, and they're finding themselves to where they are now, becoming more of a leader, not just a manager or a boss. And so, you know, it's, it's beautiful to see and witness when you do see all of a sudden someone go from struggling and being very like, stressed out and overwhelmed and beating themselves up about why they're not where they want to be, to where they're like, Oh my gosh. I didn't think this was going to be possible. And, you know, and achieving the goals that they have for themselves.

Robert Plank 13:03 That's great to hear that change is possible. And then a lot of this, it requires some deep introspection and of saying, like, Hey, here's my priorities, here's my company's priorities. And we've dealt a lot with with that, haven't we, like either, with ourselves, with other people who just like they don't even want to go there, right? The this whole idea of, well, why am I caught in this weird thinking? Why am I bullying? Why am I being passive aggressive? I don't even want to consider why that's happening, let alone taking steps to change it, and there's a lot to navigate. But it seems like, like in the last couple of decades, this is less taboo, right? It seems like it's better to kind of deal with problems and to be respectful and everything that goes along with that, as opposed to just like, oh, that's just a difficult person. We'll walk on eggshells and work around that. That's no way to live, right? Life's too short for that. And so as far as the there's all these things to consider, right? There's the the behavior and the communication and the goal setting. As far as all of these difficulties people have in the workplace, is there any aspect that you think is not discussed enough, or any subject you think means needs more awareness today?

Bernadette Boas 14:19 What needs more awareness. Is self awareness. Okay, so I really do think, you know, a good majority of individuals, you know, they get up in the morning and they just go and, you know, and because of their workload, because of their lack of focus and understanding about what it is they're doing, why they truly are doing it, other than a paycheck, or this is what my job is, but truly, why, in your soul are you working as hard as you're working and you're with the company that you're with, and you're in the role that you're in? Like, what is it that you're really working for? Too many people are running around, like. Robots just doing doing, doing, doing, doing, and they don't see themselves. They don't understand the experience they're creating for others around them. They don't realize the impact that every action, every word, every you know, behavior, every posture, every I had, you know, a client who was, you know, continually told that the scowl on her face, even though, for her, she didn't even recognize it, but for her it was also a lot of inquisitive, you know, inquisition and curious curiosity. But others were perceiving it very differently, and she had no clue. And so I think self awareness isn't talked about enough. We had a period of emotional intelligence, you know, several years back, and that kind of got really muddied. But what I see and what I work with and help guide on a regular basis is self awareness, making sure that individuals are seeing themselves as others are seeing them, understanding the experience they're creating. And if they like that experience and it's successful for them, great. But if it's not working for them, or it's not helping the people around them, and that you know, they're not achieving what they should be as a collective team, then at least they now know and they can go in and make the adjustments and make the shifts that are needed. Ooh,

Robert Plank 16:34 great. So what's the experience that you're giving off? And how can you Are you happy with what it is, and what do you want to change about that? And it's it hurts your brain in a good way to think about that, right? There's like the way you perceive yourself, there's like your inner self, who you have the potential to be, and then there's the way other people see you, and we need to maybe consider this, because if not, then for all we know, we're discouraging others, right? We're giving off a bad impression of ourselves. And, like, for some reason, I'm flashing back to, like, 15 years ago. I was holding an event, and there was some lady in the room who was, she was kind of sitting like this, and the whole time I was explaining, like, computers and auto responders, and she was kind of like, she just had her head tilted and looked very puzzled. And I hadn't thought about that for, you know, 10 to 15 years. So you just mentioned it, and it's like, I should have maybe been a little more dynamic, and, like, paid her a little bit attention, and because it's kind of like a unconscious signal of, like, maybe she, maybe she was confused, or maybe she was just that enthusiastic about it, like you said, you don't a lot of us don't know about they like your your book uses the B where there's a thing called the resting bitch face, right? Like, by default, you kind of look grumpy, so you have to, like, put that deliberate effort to be attentive. And I used to think, you know, when I was a high school kid, early college kid, I used to think that was kind of a nerdy, nerdy thing to do, right? I used to think I was a square if I was watching someone present, and if I, like, nodded along and smiled and made eye contact, but like, now that you're a full grown adult, you're like, well, that is kind of respectful, right? Just to show that body language that like, Hey, I'm paying attention, I understand what you're saying, I'm excited, I'm enthusiastic. And there's all these kind of like, you know, non verbal signals and feedback of all kinds that we need to keep you know, keep in awareness, with which seems to be the keyword of today. And so, as far as you miss Bernadette Boas at your personal journey, right? We're always improving. It's never done so. Is there anything that you think is important that you're currently working on now? As far as bettering yourself, striving for your goals, what is in store for you, for the future?

Bernadette Boas 18:48 Well, I continually work on the fact that words matter. You know so every you know. So all that self awareness, right? All that inner consciousness, I then make sure that I am projecting that in my words, in my actions and in my behavior, appropriately, that you know that they are aligned. Because I think the conversation that we have in our head, that then get gets projected out into the world, is a lifetime training is a lifetime practice, and something we need to be consciously aware of. So I am really just, I love the work that I do, and I love, you know, finding those individuals or those teams. Because right now, my a big focus is on more team development as a result of this individual client leader. How now can we take all of this that you're implementing, you're shifting, you're changing, you're transforming, and now, how can we really grow and develop and nurture and create a high functioning team for you and then everybody? Successful. So that's really where I'm putting a lot of my energies into these days,

Robert Plank 20:06 and that's exciting. They're saying, well, it's one thing to improve the self, improve the individual, and that's a great place to start. That's an excellent foundation. But then there's, how do we all interact? And that becomes a whole other set of problems, but problems are good, right? And especially for business owners, entrepreneurs, C suite executives, you pursue those problems and solve them and get to bigger problems, and that's what they call progress, and that's called taking calculated risks and not always playing it safe, and not limiting yourself and focusing on your why, as you mentioned before, and just kind of building the muscle and achieving greatness. And so as far as us getting an understanding of you have your book, and you have your coaching and you have your website. If someone says, you know a lot of what, Bernadette here made a lot of sense, and I could use her help in being at my best, in improving my leadership, in improving my team. How does someone know if they're a good fit for you, and if they are, where do they go? What do they do?

Bernadette Boas 21:07 Well, I would say you can certainly go to ballifier coaching com to you know, check it out. And my story is there, and you can see if you know what I am saying and conveying and what my WHY IS, IS is in alignment with you, but more so then schedule a call with me to, you know, so we can both, you know, really understand and and, you know, understand and determine if we are a good match. Because I, I'm definitely one who says I want to work with the right people, and therefore, if we are awesome, but if we're not, then I'm not going to say no. I'm going to say, let me find you someone who I think is going to be a good match for you. I never want to turn someone away, but I'm not automatically also going to accept and you know, everyone that comes to me, because I want to ensure that we both can be successful. So you they can go to bolifire coaching com and reach out to me through there as well as they could just go right to coach me, bernadette.com forward slash discovery call and schedule a time with me right on my calendar.

Robert Plank 22:17 Very cool. So coach me, bernadette.com forward slash, Discovery call. And then if you are like, well, I need to do a little bit more reading before I do that, then the website is Ball of Fire coaching.com if you're struggling to be the type of leader, you know you can be if you're working your butt off, but you're still being overlooked for opportunities advancement and growth, or if your teams aren't maximizing their potential, and therefore the business, then you need help, but it's okay. You just have this quick conversation. You don't have to commit to anything. And sometimes that helps just to like, you know, you you complain to a friend, or you're verbalize it, you put it into words, and Bernadette can listen and say, hey, you know, here's this person. I can refer you to, or I can help you. And it just helps to get this self awareness, to figure out your leadership and to just stop making things so tough on yourself and your team. Like some of us don't have these skills naturally need to be developed. And even if we do have these skills, like there's a certain amount of course correction that should be done for executive coaches, corporate professionals, teams, HR, leaders. So if you want to go from so so to powerhouse in your work and life, ignite the fire with them to become the powerhouse you're meant to be, then you should check out Bernadette Boaz, excellent book, shedding the corporate B, I, T, C, H, shifting your bitches to your riches in life and business, but also, more importantly, follow a Fire coaching com. There's a button right there. You book a call, you take that slot on the calendar, you have that conversation. You see where you are at you see what's what and what can be done for corporate professionals, teams and HR leaders. And before I let you go here, Bernadette, it's time for the scary part at the end of the show where I try to put you on the spot, I ask you for a fun quote or lesson that has served you in life or in business. So what comes to mind for you for a fun quote or lesson?

Bernadette Boas 24:12 I'm not sure if people will find it fun, but I live by it, and that's serving others serves you. And simply because, at first I found it to be an extremely selfish quote. I didn't understand it for actually a couple years, and then realize what it means is, if you serve others, that'll serve and feed your heart and your soul, and you know, you'll benefit from it by serving others. So I kind of say that to myself on a regular basis, but serving others serves you.

Robert Plank 24:45 That's great. There's a weird yin and a yang there, right? It's like it's if you help other people out, you get that warm and fuzzy feeling. You say, hey, it's not just about me. Other people are being uplifted by my positivity, my advice, my. Encouragement, my assistance. So I love that serving others serves you, and you owe it to others to be a good leader, to be a good example. And because you have two choices, basically, don't you Bernadette, you can either set a bad example and be a terrible person, and that will just pass down more stress, and then there'll be more stress to others. Or you could say, Hey, here's me being a good role model. Here's me being calm and professional and logical and reasoned and a good person and improving the days of others. And I will have others do that to their own people they interact with as well. So serving others serves you. I love that. That's great, and let's consider that as we go to Ball of Fire coaching.com We've been speaking with the great Bernadette Boas about this tangled mental mess that is leadership, that is Workplace Excellence. We all struggle with it, but you deserve to get help, and Bernadette is the person to help you. So thank you, Bernadette, for showing up, stopping by and helping us out here,

Bernadette Boas 26:02 you're very welcome. It was fun.

Robert Plank 26:07 This is Robert Plank from the marketer of the day podcast, which you can find at marketer of the day.com for more episodes and dfy podcast.com, forward slash, free if you want to know more about running your own podcast or running a better or more fun or easier or less time intensive podcast, go to dfy podcast.com/free, to find out more right this instant you.