188: Take Inspired Action and Use Boundaries to Create More Freedom with Petra Monaco

Robert Plank 0:00 Robert plank Show episode 188 Take inspired action and use boundaries to create more freedom with Petra Monaco. Hey, everyone, and welcome back to the Robert plank show, we talked about building your own business and being self controlling entrepreneur. And we're here with Petra, Monaco, and she's an author, entrepreneur, mother, confidence builder, an action taker, a coach and mentor to women, she helps you to take inspired action, bring your life to a new level of awesome, and she gets into the how of how to make it happen. So Petra, welcome to the show. Hi,

Unknown Speaker 0:39 thanks for having me. I'm super excited.

Robert Plank 0:41 I'm super excited to and I mean, this whole I don't know, like this whole issue with, with confidence and and keeping yourself motivated. I mean, I feel like it's quite a struggle for me. And you know, some days are better than others. And like, over the years, I've kind of just picked up like different like tools and strategies. And so I guess my first question to you is, I mean, am I alone in the, in the confidence and the anxiety? I mean, is it just me or is everyone else like me?

Speaker 2 1:11 Everyone else is like you, we all go through these motions of Oh, my gosh, yes, we're doing it. And then the next day, it's like, oh, God, I don't know what I'm doing. It's the super most normal human thing to do. And I think what happens is that we forget about our bigger vision in the process, because we get so tied up into the everyday to dues, happenings, you know, connecting and doing all that stuff that needs to be done every day. But the big vision really, justice, like becomes this distant thing and we forget about it.

Robert Plank 1:40 Right? Like, like, we're putting out all the all the fires all the immediate problems that we kind of lose track of why we even started in the first place, right?

Unknown Speaker 1:48 Yeah, absolutely happens all the time. And so

Robert Plank 1:51 I mean, sort of along those lines, like as far as like, the vision and the plan, like, there's so there's, there's that part, there's that part of the problem where like, sometimes I'll lose track of what the big picture is. And other times I'll like, I'll plan too much, you know, like, get the spiral bound notebook out. And I'll do too much of like, planning and listing and counting my eggs before they're hatched. And so do you see anyone sort of having that that problem of the I don't know if the, if it's an issue of like balance or being within the right range? But it seems like at least for me, like, I'll for sure fall in those two extremes, like, not enough big picture? And then too much big picture, too. So do you ever see any of that?

Speaker 2 2:31 I do. And I think what happens is that we try to push ourselves further than we actually are, rather than focusing on where we are right now with keeping that big picture in mind. So it becomes a weird balancing act of like, I want to get there. And I wish I was already there. But you can already be there. But you just have to make it smaller in the zone of genius. I think it's really like 90 days. Beyond that. You're too much like because then it becomes unrealistic, like your mind can't even see 90 days from now. Yeah. And then it just becomes about strategizing. What can happen in those 90 days?

Robert Plank 3:08 So is that 90 days? Is that like a magic number for you? So do you? Do you limit yourself to only thinking about the next 90 days,

Speaker 2 3:17 I don't limit myself to just about anything. And one of those weird people and I just wrote like a post about it is that I don't follow the rules very well, as far as writing funnels and planning launches. Because I get this idea. And it's like, oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. And then I make it happen. Because if I don't, then it just doesn't happen. Prime example, last year, I had this idea of writing a book, and I wrote it in under two weeks, because I just got so excited about getting that message out about dreaming and believing and take action taking action versus oh my gosh, I need to write this many words. And it needs to be like detailed of when I'm sending the right email sending the right blog post and that kind of stuff.

Robert Plank 3:57 And I mean, it's and I can I can relate to that a lot. Because, um, I think I think that early on, like, I was stressed out a lot about like, same exact thing as you like, what days should I email? What time of day? Should I email? What should I write in the email? Like, should I spell check my web pages? And so I didn't mean to interrupt you there, but I just, I can relate to that.

Speaker 2 4:18 Yeah, and I think it's different for everybody. I think when we, we can learn about different systems and strategies and test out what works and what feels good. And for me, because I'm more assertive, like I really need to do come from a place of ease and flow is to try it out, experiment with it, and whatever sticks. Awesome and what doesn't stick, you know, that's okay.

Robert Plank 4:40 And that that's kind of interesting. It almost makes me think about um, like, when I was, I mean, what, like, when I was younger, I didn't I didn't really know my body I guess right? And like, I didn't know like, if I was gonna, if I stayed up super late how I would feel the next day or if I ate that food, like how I would feel or if I skipped exercising how it was Feeling like as I get older, I kind of know my body better. And the analogy that sort of relating to your text testing out what works. I feel like lately productivity wise, that's been helpful for me just as far as I'll try to, I'll try different things out. And I'll kind of see where my limit is where I'm, I'm pushing myself and getting things done. But I'm not quite burning myself out. And and so an example of that is like the the interview doing right now we're doing we're recording a podcast episode. And this is a, you know, a five day a week show. And I like to be like, super ahead of the episodes that actually come out. But at first, I was just doing a couple a day. And I was trying to figure out, okay, well, can I do 10 a day? Or if I do one interview day, is that too much of the switching gears and what I what I finally settled on was, I do four interviews on Monday, and I do four interviews on Friday. And I feel like, that's sort of what comes to the mind when you're explaining like the sweet spot where I kind of scaled it up to that point. And I know that if I did more than that, then I might quit. But if I did less than that, it almost like wouldn't be wouldn't be a fun challenge, I guess.

Speaker 2 6:10 Yeah, exactly. Like I have days where I specifically really just focus on blog posts, that is my writing day like Mondays, that is my writing day, when I write my blog posts for I don't know how many days in advance, and I actively journal in the morning. So I have always content to write about, because I writing is a big part of my life. So I don't ever run out of content, but having this focus time and hours for me totally works. Because then by three o'clock when my kid is coming home from school, I can shift gears into being the mother I need to be, you know what I mean? Yeah, and it really comes down to, you have to figure out what works for you, that's the bottom line, you can adapt other systems and implement them. But if that doesn't feel good, and doesn't align with you, and who you are, and how you function as a person, then you're just going to stress yourself out and burn yourself out. And that's not going to build confidence.

Robert Plank 7:02 So So what are your thoughts as far as like, sticking to things for those first few days, because like I mentioned, like the, you know, the podcasting schedule an hour, something we're like, I just kind of like fell into that. And then you mentioned that you have a Mondays you're writing day, and you do the journaling in the mornings. And to be honest, I'm really jealous of that. And I really wish that that I kind of had a day of the week where, you know, for like an hour or two in the morning, it was just writing for, you know, whatever I needed to write. And so what are your thoughts on that just it for those that first those first initial couple of days or weeks like the the growing pains sort of period of, of getting the routine figured out?

Speaker 2 7:43 Well, first, it really comes down to you have to decide you have to decide of how important that is for you. Journaling for me in the mornings is a form of self care, it clears my mind, it springs, new ideas, all that kind of thing. And it's super important to me. And I know that and so I make time for it. Like I schedule that in to my calendar, once my son is off to school, I am sitting at my desk, and I'm journaling for however long it's gonna take me. So it just becomes about deciding. And really, you can't change your habit or be cut to a new routine within a week. Sometimes it takes two to three weeks to implement. And so you have to just commit to it. And that's where self discipline and just that whole self motivation is going to be crucial. How important is it to you decided and then make it happen?

Robert Plank 8:31 A nice three step process, right? How important decide to do it?

Unknown Speaker 8:35 Absolutely.

Robert Plank 8:37 And so I'm so still still long, that lit that train of thought, like I'm looking at your blog, and I see that like your in your last few entries you talked about, like freedom versus boundaries. And that's again, like something that's really started to be on my mind lately. Because I know that if I you know, I don't want to make a new job, right? I want to still be an entrepreneur, I still want to set my own hours, do what I want. But then I have noticed that if I use the calendar more frequently, and I schedule things and actually stick to that and the sticking to it means that I can't schedule too many things. I can't have too much stuff back to back. But sometimes I look at the the week coming up or the schedule coming up. And I sort of have this anxiety like, I don't know, like, am I? Am I building too much into the week or into the calendar that that I that I can't leave the house right or that I almost have a job. So what are your thoughts on that as far as as far as like boundaries and freedom and how do you how do you use those two things to get what you want?

Speaker 2 9:37 So a big part I think for me personally is that on Sundays on Monday mornings, depending what the weekend has been like, I try to write out what my ideal week looks like. Like what do I envision is going to happen during that week. And it has got to have my staples in it. You know writing my morning routine, making dinner for the family that kind of is that's all Literally scheduled into my calendar so that no client can book themselves during that time. I only see clients three days a week because I any more than that I'm going to be exhausted forever and I can't serve and be helpful and do all those things. And when it comes to boundaries, you just have to if it if it's draining you, you really have to ask yourself, is that really something I ought to be doing need to be doing should be doing that kind of a thing? Or is there a different way is simplified way? How can I make it a positive thing and that, because sometimes we have to do those shirts, but when we change the perception from a negative to a positive, and it becomes a lot easier to make it happen.

Robert Plank 10:41 Okay, and so I mean, so would you say that like to overcome the the the indecision, I guess, should should people just kind of try these different things and then get themselves to the point where there may be almost burned out on the hat and something needs to change? Or like what I mean, you kind of understand what I'm saying like, How does somebody get to that point of figuring out, what should be changed around on the schedule?

Speaker 2 11:08 Oh, yeah, I don't think they should wait until they're, you know, burned out and ready to hit the pillow with exhaustion, I think boundaries are. And I say this in my videos, and on my blog posts, boundaries are a form of self care, not something that's going to constrict you or make you rigid. And if you're flexible enough, and we have as intrapreneurs we have to be flexible, because things always kind of changes. If you're allowing that space to like, what activities are like dragging you down, what people are dragging you down, what clients do you not want to work with, because they just leave you exhausted. Once you're clear about that, then you can communicate those boundaries and just say, you know why this isn't working for me, this needs to change. And you can do that. Now, you don't have to wait until you know, like, Oh my God, I need to put a week's vacation because I just can't function right now.

Robert Plank 11:58 That makes that makes a lot of sense. You don't have to wait until it gets super bad. You can just go go and look and see what what needs to change. And so um, so yeah, so I mean, it sounds like that you have a lot of a lot of things figured out. So could you kind of tell us about like how, like, were things always this way? Or were we're at a point, like earlier in life where you kind of didn't have it all figured out. And then you had to discover these things to fix things. I mean, was that the case?

Speaker 2 12:22 Oh, I certainly had to discover all of that. I've not, I've not always been an entrepreneur, I used to be stuck in the nine to five for three to 11, or whatever it was paying the bills at the time, single parenting periodically, you know, just figuring about this whole life thing. And always had these dreams of writing books and having a business and doing what I wanted to do without anybody telling me what I had to do. But it wasn't sort of until my son got really sick, that I was like, Oh my gosh, the time is now I can't wait any longer. And I really started looking within of where did I need to change personally in order to move forward and create, you know what I wanted to create?

Robert Plank 13:06 And so what have you created?

Speaker 2 13:10 Well, I have my coaching business, right? So I'm helping women figure it all out wherever they are. I live in central Virginia on two acres with nothing but trees. I get to create art every day, which is hugely important to me as well. I write I'm in the relationship that feels absolutely incredible. I communicate my boundaries with him when I need to because he isn't always on car. And I just No, I just get to do everything I want to do.

Robert Plank 13:43 Awesome. So so when you say that that before like things were just kind of like a like a disorganized mess. And then maybe when you when you split it up, like you mentioned that it's almost like it's almost like broken down into blocks. Right. There's the the coaching part, there's the the nature the the peace part, there's the art part of the relationship. And so it sounds like you like once you broke your life down into pieces, then you could just kind of fix each piece, I guess.

Speaker 2 14:08 Yeah, I think that's really how that happens. Like it's all a balancing act, if you will. And I'm not a huge fan of the word balance because it's always kind of like a the ocean come and go kind of a thing, right? Sometimes we have a big way, sometimes not so much. And that's really how life truly is even now still there. Sometimes things happen. And it's like, oh my gosh, can I make it to the storm. But I also, you know, had challenges before and I know I've made them through that. And so you just got to figure out what part of your life you want to change and then figure out what you want it to look like and that goes back to the vision and then break it down into these small steps of making that change.

Robert Plank 14:49 It makes a lot of sense to me and so and you mentioned that so you you provide coaching to to women who kind of want to want to get their act together so you could you Tell us about about that service.

Speaker 2 15:02 Sure. So every person, every woman is in a different place, they want different things. Sometimes they just want to write a book and want an accountability partner, but they're so afraid that they get judged and criticized. So a lot of my work is around mindset about getting over that fear. You know, what's stopping them the excuses that they're making kind of a thing. And sometimes they just need a little bit longer time, you know, going back to college is a huge thing. If you decide to go back to college, I've done it twice. And it was incredibly hard each time. And sometimes you just need somebody that kind of holds your hand. Or if you want to start a business, oh, my gosh, I need a website, I need a newsletter, I need all these things. And I don't know what to do and where to begin. And I can help them with that. I'm sort of pride myself in being a little geeky and nerdy in that area, where I'm like, Yeah, I understand the tech part, I also understand the life part and that kind of can help you connect those pieces.

Robert Plank 15:55 And, and that's awesome. And yeah, so that way they can get they can get everything right, they can get the the mindset aspect of it, or if they need that the technical aspect from you, and a lot of what I'm hearing too, and this, this might just be just from what I'm what I'm listening for from people, but I'm hearing from a lot of people recently that there's definitely something to that outsider, looking into your business, someone who like you know, doesn't doesn't know your personality or doesn't right, not even know your niche, but just someone who is looking from the outside in and saying, Well, here's what doesn't make sense, or here's what needs to be taken out, or here's what what needs to be added. So I mean, am I on the right track there? Like is there something to having that that outside person looking into someone else's business to kind of give them a different perspective?

Speaker 2 16:42 Oh, without a questions, we can always be objective, because we tend to be pretty biased about our own things. And in addition, we tend to be super critical about ourselves. So having somebody else kind of take a look at how things are working, how they're not working and guide us through the process can be super helpful and moving yourself forward, versus staying stuck and wondering why nothing's changing.

Robert Plank 17:05 Right? And just being caught in that cycle. And so, yes, so you provide, like a one month or three months and six months coaching, it looks like and could you tell us about the other thing, like the the courses and sorts of things you have for sale?

Speaker 2 17:19 Yeah, so I have different courses, I have done lots of different things in my life. I have an art business and in addition to a coaching business, and so I know what it means to build an e commerce Store when you you know, want to sell your handmade or sell on Etsy or anything like that. And that can be daunting and overwhelming branding, that kind of stuff. So I have a small course that it's might actually be on hold right now because I need to rework some stuff. But there's courses on how to step out of the shadow like rise above, to shush the voices that telling you no, you can't do that. And it's usually the voices that we picked up growing up of like, stay safe in a job until you retire. You know, that kind of stuff and the negative beliefs that we picked up. Again, huge part of my work is around mindset because we do have those voices in our heads that said, Who do you think you are? Because we've picked that up somewhere in our life. In there's been trauma or you know, abandonment in some form, they specifically for me, there has been a lot of that. And it's I had to raise above that so many times to be really owning my own power and my voice. So I have courses related to around that I have a small intro course on social media because that can be daunting and overwhelming for people. And I have a you know, mindset on fire challenge. It's sort of like a 30 day action packed like what goal can you make happen in 30 days? And it's just asking your questions every day and then hashing out that the steps you're taking.

Robert Plank 18:52 Cool, and what I'm hearing as far as like a recurring theme from your coaching and your courses and all that is that you kind of work the mindset in there a little bit and I think that at least with me, it's like I very rarely go out like looking for for help in the mindset or like I'm I might look for like the answer to a small problem. And it sounds like a lot of people don't even either they don't know that that the mindset aspect is important. Or maybe they're they're too like ashamed or something to look for help on that. And so I really like that you said that, you know, you have the the course about Etsy but you're working the confidence stuff, you have the course about, about the other about the social media stuff, and then you work in the the mindset of that. And you mentioned that, that the silencing the voices or getting getting those those voices to, to get out of the way is really important. The ones that you know, say that you're not good enough or you need to play more safe and so is there like is there an easy answer or do you have any good strategies for making those voices Not so loud

Speaker 2 20:00 So my strategy is journaling. I like to challenge my own fears when I'm like, What am I so afraid of? And then just kind of acknowledge the fear, I think we sometimes tend to just choose the ego away, or not even acknowledge where this fear is coming from without addressing it. And it's just going to keep showing up. Right. And so, by writing it out, this is what I'm afraid of. And here's the evidence of why I'm afraid of it. But how can I overcome it, or just challenge it? Like, I've done this before, I have done this to just kind of disprove ego. And the fear is really been super helpful to me personally, as far as going to the next level.

Robert Plank 20:40 Okay, and that sounds like a pretty good, I guess, journaling prompt there. If someone would just list out what am I so afraid of? And, and this is, again, like, I'm thinking about all these different connections, because even about a week or two ago, I was really angry about something, I was talking about it to my business partner, and he said, and he asked me, Why are you angry? And I was thinking, like, I mean, I don't know, I just had like, this huge, you know, like, blinding light of anger. And for him to just to ask that question of like, okay, like, I need to break it down and think about, like you said, like, look for the evidence of it. And, and, like, see about ways to overcome this challenge. But yeah, when you were mentioning that that question, what am I afraid of? It totally brought me back to that. Okay, well, why? Why am I feeling blank? Like, it's easy to just feel some kind of emotion to think, well, that's how I am or that's what's happening to me. But I mean, what I'm hearing, as far as our conversation today is that there's definitely something to just break it down into smaller pieces. And if I say, what if I'm afraid of, of this, I'm gonna, I'm afraid of putting out a product or something, and it's not going to do well, well, then what, you know, what's the evidence of that? Or can I break it down into some smaller problems?

Speaker 2 21:54 Yeah. And also to remind yourself of the successes you've already had, you know, I've had several products and services that didn't jive very well. And I'm like, but I went to college, and I graduated with a 4.0. So there's that is to just find those different pieces that allow us to celebrate ourselves and build that confidence. Well, I've done this. So this is just a small hiccup.

Robert Plank 22:15 Awesome. And so as far as people, you know, get it getting that better perspective. And, you know, looking back at those big successes, so that the small hiccups that are in more recent times don't see as big. I mean, do you see a big mistake people making as far as their, their mindset and their confidence and all that stuff?

Speaker 2 22:34 I think when they're experience failure, which is not even a bad thing, it's really a good thing, because you're just getting closer to those next big thing is try to walk away when they really shouldn't walk away. So it's really challenging yourself to acknowledge Yeah, okay, this was didn't work so well. On Off to the next thing and just find that courage, you know, again, work with the mindset to do it again.

Robert Plank 23:01 So don't walk away, do it again, figure out why it didn't work. Do a guy do it again, but with more with more knowledge of what didn't work before, right?

Speaker 2 23:12 Yeah, reflection, and reviews are a beautiful thing.

Robert Plank 23:16 Awesome, perfect reflection interviews. And so so everyone that here is listening to this great advice that you've given us, and they want to know where to find you where to find the blog, you mentioned where to find your courses and coaching and everything else. Where should they go?

Unknown Speaker 23:32 There should go to Petra Monaco, calm. Cool. Let me see if you want me to spell that just it's p e te Ra mo n

Robert Plank 23:43 aco.com. Cool. So pietra monaco.com. And I think that this is this is such an important topic. And I think that a lot of, you know, business owners and entrepreneurs, they I think that and you probably see this too, I think that a lot of people will just get stuck in the technical stuff in the mechanics, and they kind of put the mindset in the self care, and that morning routine and all that stuff off to the side. And from what I'm hearing about, about, you know, the way that that you've built the life that you want, and the way that you've changed things up is that it sounds like this is such an important thing for everyone to look into. And you know, we all have those, those highs and lows. And I mean, I think that everyone needs to, to be looking into this and to always just stay up to date on on how how they're reacting and what they should be doing, and everyone should go right now. So pizza monaco.com and get all those goodies. We talked about the blog, the courses and the coaching. And so thanks so much for stopping by the show today, Peter, and I appreciate everything that you share with us today.

Unknown Speaker 24:44 Yeah, thanks for having me. This was a blast.

Robert Plank 24:46 Subscribe to us right now, while it's still fresh on your mind at Robert plank.com/itunes or just search Robert plank in your iTunes App.